


Changing and evolving

by DivinePoetry



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?, Self Care, Slow Build, Swearing, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Sex, post-Season 1, team Paxton, why nobody is on team Paxton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:19:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 55,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24287257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivinePoetry/pseuds/DivinePoetry
Summary: Devi starts dating Ben right after that kiss. While she is happy to have a boyfriend now, because that means she is catching up her plan, she keep feeling that Paxton is not in the right place in her life.Devi may need long psychological treatment and lots of self-care, but that's fine, she'll learn as she go.-----Although there is a lot of Ben- Devi here, I'm team Paxton forever.Finished work.
Relationships: Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar, Paxton Hall-Yoshida/Devi Vishwakumar
Comments: 93
Kudos: 135





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/divinemelody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really love music and couldnt resisnt adding some good songs to each chapter. the link to the song will added at the end.  
> This is also the first time i write a not explicit work, so i'm so exited to post this. I'm really proud of this work.  
> Any kind of comment will be more then welcome. 
> 
> Please do not copy to anywhere else.

Devi was walking down the hallways for her next class, but this time it was different. This time Devi was hand in hand with her boyfriend. She never did it and she felt like the head cheerleader, Devi felt it was as popular it could get and it felt great.

Ben was next to her, his face smug and he looked into each student's eyes, challenging them to say anything about him now. Look at me, look at me, I'm going with my girlfriend. I have a girlfriend now. I am no longer the rejected child that no one is his friend, look, I have a girlfriend that is also smart!

The couple entered the history class with their hands still linked and all eyes in the classroom, even the teacher's, checked them.

Devi put on her unbothered smile and enjoyed the spotlight. She sat down behind Ben and turned to her friends that smile ear to ear.

“I feel like a royalty. People who never talked to me invited me and Ben to a couples only party” Devi said, taking her books out of her bag.

"You look like Beyoncé before Lemonade," Elinor said with a dead serious tone, and Fab nodded to her.

"Let's hope it doesn't end the same," Fab added and Eleanor become even more serious.

"They were and will forever stay the greatest power couple this world knew," Eleanor said while moving hair from her face "Lemonade just proved to us that you need down to get higher then ever" she finished just in time, as the teacher began the lesson.

Devi turned and listened like the grade A student she is. Paxton arrived about five minutes after the lesson began and sat down, trying to catch Devi's eyes in every way possible.  
It usually took him about a second or two until he was successful, or until he caught her staring at him with lustful eyes, but today he's already trying for what feels like an eternity to make her look at him. He must talk to her, tell her that he is ready for it, that he is interested in her, that he wants her to be his girlfriend or whatever she want. He wants to listen to her all day and is even willing to spend time with her friends if that's what he need to do, he just wants her. He cuts a page from his notebook, scribbles a few words and passes it to her desk with a long hand.  
'I need to talk to you after class, it's urgent' These are the words that appear on the page when Devi opens it.  
Now, to be clear. Devi is very pleased with her new relationship. She wants to kiss and hug Ben all day, she wants to talk and listen to him for many more happy years.  
But the idea pecked at her like a woodpecker, Paxton's face hovering in front of her, for a second, for real, only for a second, whenever Ben kissed her. She didn't close that part of her life, and as you probably know by now, Devi doesn't like to close parts of her life. She doesn't deal with the chapters in her life, she builds a wall around them and protects them from reality. Her father is dead, and she can't handle it. What Devi do? Build the great wall of china around the thing called Mohan and its no longer an issue. Paxton was the same. She is madly in love with him, he is everything she has ever wanted, but that's not gonna happen after her mom savagely burned him. So now there's Ben and he make her forget everything she felt for Paxton. Well, not forget, silence.

Sort of.

Anyway, she nods to Paxton and he gives her a small smile and they back listening as usual.

Devi's leg jumps and she would have noticed it if she wasn't so busy with her thoughts. What does Paxton want to talk about? What does he have to say to her? Is it good? Is it bad? He had a smile that could be called encouraging, did something bad happen? Does his sister need anything? She would love to help, of course, but why say it's urgent? Well, she already realized he is not very good at defining emergencies, but could something serious have happened?After the kiss they shared in his car, he had already brushed her off twice in front of all his friends, but he left her a voicemail that sounded very urgent, saying she should call or text him as soon as she could. So it could go in any direction. She decided not to answer the voicemail or text him until the next day, and honestly, she felt it was the best decision she had made in a long time. That day she spent with her family and they reminisced good moments together.  
Devi spiraling and fails to concentrate again.

When the bell ring is finally heard throughout the school, she puts the books in her bag while Paxton stands and sits on his desk, waiting for the classroom to empty a bit. Ben turns to her and plants a small kiss on her lips.

"Hungry yet?" He asks and she smiles, managing to relax a little. Ben has this effect on her. Eleanor and Fab stand next to him.

"Yes, go on without me, I'll join in a bit" she says, placing her hand on his shoulder. Ben nods and walks, accompanied by Eleanor and Fabiola.

When Paxton sees this intimate little kiss, he hears glass shattering somewhere, maybe it was in his brain and he knew it was too late.

Ben won Devi over and now Paxton was left with nothing.

"You wanted to talk?" Devi asked and now Paxton is the one that's spiraling.

"Hmm, yes, I wanted to," he says, and his gaze tries to find a solution quickly. He can't tell her now that he wants to give them a chance, that he wants them to be the Power couple of Sherman High School.

Devi raises her eyebrows and fails to understand what is going on. He said it was urgent, was it so hard for him to talk about it? Oh something happened to his sister, she just knows it.

“Is Rebecca okay? Did something happen to her? she's good?" She asks with worried face and Paxton can't help but smile a little. The friendship of Rebecca and Devi fascinated him. Devi didn't treat her like a baby and that's what made Rebecca so fond of her. Devi’s over the top honesty is what made her so likable.

"Rebecca is fine" He calmed her down and stand up, trying to end it as fast as he can, thinking what the Hall he was going to say to her. "I just need the notes for the previous history class if you have it" he said, noting the sparkle that went off in Devi's eyes, as if she hoped he would say something else. But that is not true, because she now knees deep in a relationship with Ben Gross and there is no place for him in her world.

“Oh yeah, sure. I'll send them to you when I get home” she says, standing up, lifting her bag over one shoulder.

"Thanks" he says and almost sprint from the classroom, grabs his bag in his hand.

Devi stays there for a few seconds but resets herself quickly.

That's it.

He needed something from her, that's all.

Devi decides to place another stone in the wall around Paxton in her mind and goes to the cafeteria.

* * *

“It was perfectly normal, Mom. How was your day?" Devi sits in the kitchen and scrolls through her feed while her mom made batata vara. Her father's ashes scattering made Devi feel much closer to her mother and she never wanted is to change again. They did not raise the India thing yet so they both still good. Devi felt like she actually can talk to her mother, beside, of course, mention her new Boo, Ben for the next 14-16 years, but she can talk to her about everything else.

"Not bad, lots of teenagers are in this town, everyone wants to be zit-free for the summer," Nalini said while crushing potatoes.

"Yeah, no one want to be pre-surgeries Kylie," she says, and Mom doesn't understand the reference, but she nods with agreement.

"I'm gonna do homework, call me if you need help," Devi says and this time she really means it. She climbs the stairs and when she reaches her room she pulls out her phone.

She is used to not having new messages, or mentions, or tagging, so she is new to the situation where she has 2 new messages and a tag in a photo, all from Ben. She sits down on her bed and cross her legs while she opens the post.

A victory smile comes to her face when she sees that he uploaded a picture of them together, not too tacky, without over romantic captions, just their selfie together that she took this morning, hugging and smiling. 'new bea, new me'.

After a double tap and a red heart in the comments, she puts the phone down and lies back.

Devi can swear it's the happiest she's ever felt. She had a boyfriend, she's in good relationship with her mom and cousin, she's slaying high school. Of course, she ignored the annoying woodpecker that reminded her that Paxton wasn't in the right place. Devi couldn't ignore it completely, but she tried really hard.

Anyway, she took her books out of her bag and sat down on her desk, trying as hard as she could to concentrate on the equations she received as homework. It took her about five minutes to remember her last conversation with Paxton. Devi pulled out her history notebook and took a picture of the right pages, sending it to him.

That is, now she can concentrate on her homework.

'Thnks Devi' The answer was not too late to arrive, with a handshake emoji. Devi couldn't help but smile and read the words in front of her again and again.

'No probs' she wrote to him, and her fingers continued to run on the keyboard, trying to find words. She wanted to tell him that she hoped they were still friends, that she was sorry her mother had burned him like that, that she wanted him to be close to her right now. She didn't say it. She has a boyfriend and she's not supposed to say that to other boys. Although Devi is not the most moral person in the world, she knows that cheating is big no no.

'Sorry I didn't send them to you yesterday, I had family thing' she added.

'No probs' he sent her after a few long, anxious minutes. that's it. Although she sent him the exact same text a few minutes ago, when it came from him, it felt like it was the driest message on earth, shouting _'I got what I wanted, stop talking now'_.

Devi put the phone on her desk, screen down, so she will not be tempted to send any more messages. She has to do the fucking equations now, and for a few minutes she really did. Until she felt the vibration of the phone shouting at her, "You have a new message, check who it is **RIGHT NOW** or you will die in agony."

'Hope it was a good thing' Devi read the text and smiled.

'It was' she sent him and in a second another message appeared.

'Think you can teach me a little before the test? I can't take history again next year '

Devi's smile grew, if it was even possible, and she nodded quickly.

Then she realized he couldn't see her nod.

Keep it cool, Vishwakumar. keep it cool.

'Sure. Tell me when and I'll be there' She sent him and wondered if this was the right thing to do.

Fuck It, she's not known for doing the right thing.

'wanna come over? I will take care of snacks' he replied quickly.

'Give me an hour to finish homework and I'll be there' she sent him, and when he sent her thumbs up emoji she put the phone down and returned to her homework, with no distractions this time.

About half an hour later she checked her clothes in front of the mirror.

Sweatshirt and tights, not too good, not too bad. She combed her hair and went down the stairs to the kitchen, a phone in one hand and her backpack on the other.

A new message from Ben asks if she wants to do something today.

'gonna study to history with ...' She began to write and stopped. She wants Ben to know about it?

Well, she's not afraid of anyone, and she sure as Hall won't let a man dictate to her who she can meet or not, and Kim K says it's important to be honest in a relationship. Devi tries very hard to live her life according to the Kardashians. She deleted what she wrote and decided to rephrase it.

'Going to help Paxton study for history' she wrote and sent quickly.

She thought that saying to Ben would help her understand that it was just learning session and nothing more.

It helped a little.

'Paxton? Do you still talk to him?' Ben sent her the message at lightning speed and she rolled her eyes.

“Mom I'm going to a study group, I'll be back in time for dinner” Devi said aloud and left, trying to think of what to say to Ben now.

'Yeah, he needs a huge amount of study material and he asked me, is there a problem?' She wrote confidently. 

No one can tame the beast.

She pulled out her electric scooter and began to drive towards Paxton's house.

'No, no problem. Don't have too much fun ♥' he sent her after a few minutes. She rolled her eyes again when she read the message.

Devi stood for about three minutes trying to find the perfect gif to send to Paxton to let her know she was there and finally found the perfect gift - FBI, OPEN UP

About a second later, the door opened and Paxton stood in front of her, a red sweatshirt and gray sweats, usually messy hair and a small smile.

“Sup” Devi said, slightly lifting her bag, "I'm here to teach you everything" she added as he cleared her way to his garage.

Paxton sat down next to her on the couch and they both remembered the last time it happened. She was totally weird and he was very confused by the situation, she was willing to do anything to have sex with him, he agreed to this whole thing because ... why not? He's a boy, he won't reject a cute girl who just offers him sex. Now Paxton was captivated by her strange charms and she was the indifferent one now.

"Yes, great, you saving my life Devi," he said, and she opened the books on the table with the one bag of chips.

"Is that the snacks you said you would care for?" She laughed and he looked ashamed.

"I can bring more ..." he added and Devi brushed off the idea at her hand.

"I'm kidding, I need an empty stomach for dinner," she said, and they began to study.

She didn't let her mind distract her from the main goal, even though she smelled his deodorant, even though his messy hair is an amazing thing that needs to happen more often, even though she can feel the warmth of his body. For an entire hour, she did exactly what she needed to do, and frankly, she deserved a gold medal just for trying.

But one hour seems to be too much for Paxton's concentration, and he starts drumming with his pencil and his eyes began to glaze. He didn't want to actually learn, he thought they will just sat and talked for once. Paxton didn't know what he was expecting, he wanted her to see him and sit next to him and realize that Ben wasn't for her, that he is so much better and right for her, he wanted her to tell him 'You're right, Paxton, my love, you're the one for me. Who is a Ben? ' He doesn't know what he expected but he certainly didn't expect to learn. To really learn, for real. To really absorb the information into his brain. He remembered years and ethnic groups and names and he was as exhausted as after swimming practice before a compaction.

"Devi I can't anymore," he said, leaning back, hands spread sideways.

"Yup, I got it," she said, smiling, leaning back as well.

“But I really understood the material. Like, seriously. I know everything about the rise of Nazism now” he said, ending with a small smile.

Devi noticed that his little smiles were his trademark. It makes him who he is, the demigod he is.

"Glad to hear" she said, picking up her phone, checking the time.

"Hey Devi" Paxton started, "Are you and Ben dating now?" He asked her. He knew it was an obvious question, but he needed to hear her say it. Just a few days ago they shared a great kiss in his car, he wants to close it in his head because she doesn't get out of his mind, damn it.

"Hmm, yes" she said and it seemed very difficult to say that.

Paxton was silent. He thought what he wanted to say now, but nothing came to his mind. He leaned forward and kept silent, his hand running through his hair.

Devi's mind ran like a hamster in a wheel. She's dating Ben now and Paxton has decided to forgive her and be her friend, but it's not that she can just turn off her attraction to him, or her feelings for him, or her memories. She prays that one day someone will come up with a button that turns off emotions, but that hasn't happened yet and she literally feels torn between two boys.

"Cool," he said in a voice that expressed everything but cool.

"Cool" Devi repeat him, wondering if he cared at all and why he asked that. She's not stupid, she knows to connect the fact that he kissed her to the fact that he asked that. She just doesn't understand why he cares so much, he stopped talking to her the day after the kiss and hasn't mentioned it ever since.

"So dinner is soon, I have to run" Devi said after a few minutes of onerous silence. Paxton nodded in her direction and stood as she put the bag on her shoulder and walked to the door.

"Dev, do you mind teaching me some more?" He asked while standing up. "Not now, not right now, but until the test ... I really have to pass history this year" he added, seeming to return to himself, unconcerned and cool as ever.

“Sure, Pax. Let me know when you can and I'll tell you when I can come” she told him and opened the door to the garage.

“Huge thank you, once again. You are my savior” He told her and he wanted to hug her, he did not know if it was appropriate.

Fuck It, he's Paxton Hall Yoshida, he can hug whoever he wants.

"Bye Devi, I'll talk to you soon," he said, wrapping her with two long hands, hugging her shoulders tight for a few moments. He likes hugs, he doesn't do it much. He prefers to stay away from most people, but when he really gets close to someone? He is the biggest hugger in the world, he hugs tightly and he knows that this is how good hugs goes.

Devi leaned into the hug and let his scent flood her, the muscles in his arms to wrap her, she reached her hands to his back and held him tight for a brief moment. The hair on the back of his head filled her nose and she could smell his shampoo. eucalyptus. She closed her eyes and felt so sad all of a sudden, she felt it was the kind of hugs that you give to the person you see for the last time, the sad kind. Devi wasn't a hugger, she has no problem with hugs, she is a girl and she embraces her friends nonstop, her family, random people who do good in her world, but she does not invest in those hugs. She hugs them for a second and lets go, because the closeness feels too close to her.

"Bye Pax" she said as they separated and drove away on her scooter.

Paxton looked at her figure moving away and felt like a 14 year old fan-girl.

"Is that Devi?" He heard Rebecca ask behind him. When did she come here? Her steps are too quiet, she always sneaks up behind him like that.

"Yeah. And I don't want to hear a word, she's dating someone else” he said, lifting a determined finger.

"For now. You and her are destined to be together” she said, shrugging. Paxton rolled his eyes and sat on his couch, playing spotify as she left.

He is not a 14-year-old girl, and he does not believe in fate. He believes in hard work and creating a future of your own, he believes that if he works hard in his life he will be able to achieve what he wants. Paxton knows he's worked hard so far to get where he's at, an athlete who works hard for his accomplishments, a guy who it's easy for him to talk and get girls, a man with a well-defined and confident character, plus he's a big believer in the bro's code, and he and Ben aren't friends at all but he's not really going to steal a girl from someone he knows. He worked too hard on all these things to lose his head because of a girl he knew for only couple of months. Funny, pleasant, beautiful, smart and weird as she may be, Paxton Hall Yoshida is not going to lose his head because of a girl.

Paxton Hall Yoshida really believes in what he thinks but can't help but notice he smiles when he thinks of her. He cannot ignore the warmth that spreads in him when he is next to her.He leans back and and closed his eyes, enjoin the music that filled his ears.

_And all I wanna do is look, but I can't see, baby_  
_Who you talkin' to while you talkin' to me, baby?_  
_Let me, let me know if I can see you later_  
_We could make it easy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mac miller - complicated  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-NUaixkovQ
> 
> thanks for reading! love to hear comments :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, chapter 2. I like this one because even though I'm writing Paxton/Devi, I love Ben with all my heart. He deserve the best (but paxton is still the SHIT)  
> Hope you'll enjoy it :)

  
Devi loved her outfit today. The little heels made her walk like the bad ass she is, in a short skirt and a scrubby tee she got from Ben as a souvenir for the week she lived with him. Fab and Eleanor were on her side and the three of them entered, self-assured, to Sherman oaks High School.

"So you're just friends now, right?" Eleanor asked as she opened her locker.

"Just friends," Devi said confidently.

"Because we don't want Ben's heart to break, do we?" Fab asked, raising an eyebrow. Devi wondered when Fab and Eleanor had joined team Ben. Maybe while he was calling them to save the situation because he knew that only they would listen.

Sounds right.

"Just friends" Devi returned and her eyes followed Ben who was approaching them. She smiled and gave him a short kiss on the lips.

"Hi babe, good morning," he said, leaning on the lockers next to the girls.

"Great morning, Benchu" Devi answered with a smile and pulled her books out of the locker.

"What was it like tutoring yesterday?" Ben asked quietly so only she could hear, thinking he was the smoothest he could be. Devi stopped the rolling of eyes that threatened to break through.

"Productive" answered Devi briefly as she closed her locker. She does not like this insecurity or possession. On the other hand, she could understand why Ben was jealous, he knew she hoped to be with Paxton for a long time before him.

"How are you, Fab, Eleanor?" Ben asked as the four of them started to get ready for their first lessons today.

As Fab began to talk about the new robot she was building, Devi's eyes caught Paxton by his locker with Trent and Marcus, the three of them looking like the definition of boyhood, with fist bumps and loud laughter. Devi smiled at Paxton with acknowledgment and at that moment Ben slid his hand between her bag and her back, resting his arm on her waist. She saw Paxton's eyes examine the movement and then his smile with a short wave. Devi was glad he ignored the possessive hand around her and felt choked for a moment. But she took that thought away from her mind and turned away from Paxton.

Paxton noticed the decisive hand surrounding Devi, and he felt his blood bubbling. What right does he have to treat her like that? As if she were his property, what next? Ben would pee on Devi to establish territory? He wanted to believe he saw Devi's eyes trying to escape, trying to get away from Ben, but he knew it wasn't true. He also knew that if Devi was with him and a guy, any guy, would look at her - he would wrap her with sure hand just like Ben did. He wouldn't let Devi stay away from him for a second, he would hug her and if she agreed, she would wear a shirt that says 'Paxton Hall Yoshida Girlfriend'. Actually, she probably would wear that shirt anyway.

When the bell rang, Paxton went with Marcus to a math class.

The day went by as the days in Sherman Oaks were usually passing- slow at times, mostly boring, sometime ridiculous. At the first break he sat in the hot pocket and laughed until his stomach ached with the boys over the English teacher who throughout his class had his lace yellow underwear peeking out of his pants, and then went back to another class with that teacher.

At lunch he ate fast and tried not to be in the cafeteria too much. Paxton Hall Yoshida does not avoid anyone, he simply prefers not to come across Devi and her entourage. He managed to keep his head clear of unnecessary thoughts until now and really didn't want to lose his cool.

As he leaves the cafeteria, he stops to tie his laces and notices Devi walking with her friends. She looks good on heels, however small they are. Her walk is different and Paxton can feel the warmth coming again. He finishes tying quickly and grabs his bag, goes to the hot pocket directly. Trent and Eddie were there and he sat down on the back of the bench, taking out his iPhone.

Paxton's mind went into the same thoughts he was trying to dodge and now he was examining his schedule to see when he could see Devi again. He just wanted to see her again, he wanted to hear her speak crap freely as she can be. Paxton didn't want to admit it, but he missed his weird friend.

'Tomorrow I'm free after four, u think u can?' He sent to Devi before he could regret it.

He spent what was left of his break with the boys, all excited for the upcoming region's swimming race, talking about the competition and checking statistics. Each year Paxton is the lead of the team and this year is no different, he is first liner and plenty of eyes will test him for next year, when he will have to prove himself in order to receive a university athletics scholarship. He just needs to improve his grades and he can go to any university he wants.

When he got up to the next class, he took out the phone and checked if Devi had already answered.

'Yeah, want to sit in the library this time? Maybe you will be able to concentrate more' That was her answer. He raised his eyebrows for a second, wondering where the library even was in this school.

'Sure thing, I've never been there. I pick you up?' He answered it and went to his next class.

'No, I'll be there. Bring your books!' She sent him back. 

Paxton went into history class and settled in his usual place. It was too late to worry whether he would see Devi or not, he was already full of warmth from the simple text she had written to him. So when Devi and Ben came into the classroom, Paxton could turn to her with a smile without losing his cool.

“Thanks for yesterday again. I'm gonna sit in class and for the first time will actually get what the teacher says” Paxton told her as she sat behind Ben, who made a disrespectful chuckle when he heard it.

"I really don't believe you will understand what the teacher says" Ben said quietly and Paxton really tried not to say anything to him, but what right does Ben have to say he's stupid? He is much more than a pretty face and is ready to fight with Ben in every way possible.

“Did you say something? Do you have a problem with me, Gross? " Paxton asked aggressively and turned completely to Ben. He can make Ben cry like a little baby that wants his mother. Paxton Hall Yoshida is not the right person to mess with.

Eleanor, Fab and Devi raised their eyebrows when they heard Paxton and by Fabiola's face she is ready to move the tables to make a fight area.

"Hmm, yes, we are learning a new subject for the exam so none of us know what he will be talking about," said Ben with a face that, maybe expressed sincerity, but Paxton could see his eyes shout 'Yes I said that, what, what?!'.

Coward.

"Got ya," Paxton said, turning back toward the board.

He must keep his cool.

\-----

In the afternoon Devi sat with Ben, they had just finished their homework and saw Cartoon network, munching Oreo.

Although 'My magical oddparents' are an ingenious and underappreciated show, the picture of Devi and Paxton learning together in his garage, with his exaggerated muscles and her big eyes staring at him, kept going to Ben's mind. He obviously didn't see it, he just always thinks too much about everything.

The last few days have been amazing for Ben. He hangs out with Devi and her friends all the time and feels less alone with each passing day. He has people with whom to sit now at meals, with whom to go to classes... It's not like he never had before. But three smart girls who was laughing, talking and responding win the shit out of 3 girls whose highest moment of their life was when their TikTok video went viral. From Shira, by the way, he broke up an hour after Devi kissed him in Malibu. Devi returned home with her family and he went straight to Shira, breaking up with her and returning to his home. He didn't expect her to cry or take it hard, but he did want to see some kind of recognition of their relationship. Shira told him 'Shame. Its almost summer and couples photos are going to be trending this summer' He hadn't thought of her since. Ben could not believe that he could be so fortunate and win a deep girlfriend that loves the same things as him, that make him laugh. Fab and Eleanor also contribute to the situation, with the dramatic vibe of Eleanor and Fab's belief that her robot needs a seat, a meal and a drink just like any other human being.

But he can't ignore the black cloud that diminishes his good luck. Paxton Hall Yoshida.

Ben developed a small hatred for the swimmer mainly because he knows that Devi lied that she was sleeping with him. Devi wanted him, wanted him enough to lie to her best friends. Ben wasn't sure how she got to that situation in the first place, or when they became good enough friends that he saved her twice (twice!) From embarrassing situations, but he knew he couldn't give Paxton the chance to fall in love with Devi. He can't lose Devi to this star swimmer, he can't lose Devi and that's it. That's why he so mad at Paxton, that's why he can't stop thinking about the lesson Devi gave him in history, he knows Paxton was a fucking teen idol and charmed Devi with his inflated muscles.

He looked at Devi that nibbled Oreo and stared at the TV. She didn't seem to see what was happening on the screen either, she stared at a bowl of lemons on the coffee table.

"Penny for your thoughts," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. She shook off her thoughts and turned to him with her whole body.

"What happens if I move to India?" She asked in a tone that Ben hadn't heard yet. She was frightened and insecure. Ben's face softened.

"It will not happen. I'm sure that if you talk about it with her she'll understand you” he told her confidently and stroked her back. "I'm sure of that" he said again and was also sure he was able to calm her down as she came closer and leaned against him, her eyes are back to the screen.

"Mom invited you to dinner tomorrow," Devi remembered, "Kamala doesn't know how to make tacos for just 3 people, and there's always plenty leftovers. Mom almost invited my psychologist” she added, continuing to watch the screen.

"Cool! I'll come with you after school” he said, smiling, ready to charm her mother.

"I have a lesson tomorrow with Paxton," Devi said, and Ben's smile was quickly erased.

"Wasn't that a one time thing?" He asked her and she shook her head, not looking away from the screen.

"He really needs Hallp with history, if he fails again he'll have to stay a year and it will completely knock him off the chances of entering a good university," she explained, finally straightening and looking at him.

"I don't like the fact that you sit alone in his garage and study only the two of you together," he said quietly, almost regretting the sentence as soon as he said it. He knows her tamper, and he do not want to fight with her because of him.

"Are you jealous, Benchu?" She asked, raising an eyebrow, teasing him.

Ben envied, sure he did. He was green from jealousy and stopped himself from shouting it out loud.

"Yeah, I'm jealous when a stud athlete tries to hit on my girlfriend, makes sense, doesn't it?" He answered her and examined her face.

Devi did not turn red and blew up with anger. Devi understood Ben, to be honest. If a girl had hit on her boyfriend, she would have taken him by two hands and declared him private property. But because she didn't know who she imagined in this situation as her boyfriend, so she wasn't even upset with him.

“Ben, I'm with you now. I will never cheat. Trust me” she said, and smiled at him. “We're going to the library tomorrow, not to his garage, if that makes it easier for you. "

"Okay," he said, pulling her to him, wrapping her in one hand and looking at the tv.

After about half an hour, Fab and Eleanor arrived, and the four of them played UNO for a long time, they drank hot chocolate with marshmallows and laughed a lot. when the sun started to go down the girls returned to Devi's house, only the three of them. Devi missed her friends and will thank them until her last day for persuading her to go to Malibu that day.

They sat in the courtyard with a glass of sweet lemonade and pretzels, gossiping about every person in the school. They didn't know too much gossip about people their age, so they gossiped about the janitor, the nurse and the romance between the secretary and the gym teacher. They talked about the three of them now dating someone and about their family. They talked like the didn't talk for a long time, for hours, no barriers, no secrets.

"So you say Sharon, the fucking stepmother in your Cinderella story, bought you Kylie's 'Stormy' palette?" Devi asked in shock. This palette has been Eleanor's dream for a year and a half since discovering Kylie Jenner's new glow colors. "Hot damn," she said, impressed as Eleanor nodded, glowing in the sunset.

"I don't know if she is trying to buy me that way, but it works for her in the meantime" Eleanor beamed as she said, "she wants to take me to see Cats on Broadway," she added, but Devi and Fab knew she wouldn't go see the musical. Not that she has a problem with Cats, those because she has a problem with Broadway.

"But I don't feel it," she said at last, and Fab stood up.

"Well I have to run now, I'm late for a family dinner," said Fab, hugging her friends quickly, walking long strides to the nearest bus stop, to which the bus is approaching.

"Want to stay for dinner?" Devi and Eleanor shook her head.

“Remember Sharon started trying to buy me? So she insists on family dinners now" Eleanor said, standing.

"I'll see you tomorrow" Devi embraced her and Eleanor also walked away now.

Devi smiled, a real smile.

It was a good day.

\-----

The next day Devi got up fresh as a lemon. For the first time in a long time she feel like everything was going well in her life. She got dressed while dancing to the sounds of Cardi B and she could feel the good energies gathering around her. She went down the stairs and grabbed a toast with one hand, leaning against the counter.

"Good morning kan'yā, I see that you woke up on the right side today" said Nalini and couldn't resist to smile when she saw her daughter so happy.

"Absolutely. carpe diem and all that shit, that's me today," Devi said confidently. Nalini looked hesitant for a minute, and Devi wondered what had happened.

"All good ma?" Asked Devi and Nalini nodded and smiled.

"Sure, of course. Listen, kan'yā, next month at the 7th we're flying to India" Nalini began and Devi paused, her smile gone from her face. Mom's hand went up to stop the buzz that threatened to erupt from her daughter. "Just for two weeks, we'll check the place, see how we get along there, and we will come back here” She finished.

Before Devi there were two options. The first, and her usual choice, was to burst out in anger and throw words she didn't mean. The second, and as you may know already, its the least taken road, was to listen, to accept her mother's words and to believe her. Devi thought for a few minutes, standing still in the kitchen with half a toast with one hand.

"Okay. For two weeks. I will be there and I'll criticize everything, but I'm on board as long you promise me you won't make me move there forever if I don't want to" said Devi and Nalini sew her eyes was threatening to burst with tears so Nalini just nodded and tried not to look too pleased. 

Devi never chose to accept the situation, she was used to shouting and anger, but something stopped her. The words she said to her mother during their big fight, which she would never say again, echoed her, and she did not want to make her mom feel so bad ever again.

"Promises it will be a decision we both make" said Nalini and Devi nodded.

She could not smile anymore, with such news, certainly not feeling the positive vibes as before, but she pushes this information into the corner of her head and does her best to ignore it.

Go to India, see the family, come back in two weeks and convince her mother they have nothing to look in that Hallhole.

"I have an after-school study group, I'll be here with Ben in time for dinner." she said quietly and got out, not giving her mother the chance to protest on any part of the sentence.

Eve and Oliver joined their group, and now they really looked like entourage. The six of them went in pairs for most of the classes. Ben seemed pleased with the size of his group and Devi did not. She loved her 2 besties, and missed the times that it was just for them, although it certainly raises their level of coolness BUT it's also very uncomfortable to go 6 people together. The corridors are not wide enough for that, so there are always 3 people left behind and it is strange to walk in a line of couples, which make just walking uncomfortable. 

Devi was tense, and every wrong word thrown in her direction could light the fire. All day she tried not to think about what Mom was telling her, but she couldn't get away from that thought. When the day ended at 3PM, she went to the library, opening her homework and working on them until Paxton will come. Without the constant talking of one of her friends, her brain worked overtime.

Yesterday she heard the mother and Kamala talk about India, ans that why she asked Ben about it, but it was just a talk about the weather, she didn't think it would end up like this so soon. Devi was afraid that she would not settle there, but she was even more afraid that this would be her life. Not seeing her friends again, no burgers and barbecue ribs, no need to wash dishes, well, it's not a bad thing, but that means she will lose all her values and have to be the good wife and marrying unknown person, who certainly won't turn out to be as hot as Prashant, and she will have 6 children who will all be named after synonyms to their gods and she will become one of the aunts she hates so much ... Devi's mind ran very far and did not stop for a moment until Paxton entered the library. 

She looked at the time and saw that Paxton was seven minutes late, and she had thought of India for an hour and seven minutes.  
Impressive.

"How was training?" She asked and he shrugged.

"Normal. Tiring," he said, sitting down in front of her on the square table. "How was your day?" He asked, she thought for a few seconds.

"Tiring" Devi finally said and Paxton studied her face. Devi looked like she ran for 3 hours straight. She looked exhausted and defeated, which is not a look he is used to see on her. He is used to seeing her weird, playful, funny, he is not used to seeing her insecurities on her face.

"All good, Vishwakumar?" He asked and Devi nodded.

"Yeah, sure, I'm going to have nine boys named Arjun and they'll all be tech support, sure, great," she said when she couldn't control herself anymore.

Paxton raised his eyebrows and put a hand on her forearm, squeezing her with encouragement.

"I didn't understand what you just said, but I'd love to hear more" he said and tried to catch her eyes.

Devi felt heat emitted from their contact and she took a long breath.

"My mom wants me to go to India with her for two weeks so I'll get use to the place and move there forever, like they do to a dog in a new home."

Paxton remained silent for a few moments, thinking what to say to her. He didn't know how to handle such a situation, it sounded awful, but he couldn't tell her that.

"Devi, you're a star. Everyone will love you wherever you go. I'm sure you'll can go everywhere and find yourself there," he began, and she looked so sad he couldn't finish it that way. "I want to believe you won't go there. I hope you won't move there," he told her, squeezing her hand. "But I'm sure you'll get along everywhere. You are Devi Fucking Vishwakumar" He smiled at her and he really didn't want her to move far from him. He will miss her, to her awkwardness, to her short tamper and her weirdness, he will miss the fact she is so funny and smart, he will miss her honesty and big eyes.

Devi couldn't be more excited about his words. Paxton managed to silence her scared voices, and she believed she could handle anything right now. She didn't miss the 'I hope you won't move there', of course, and oh-ho how her mind is going to celebrate that one later, but for now, when Paxton Hall Yoshida is by her side - she can do anything.

"Thank you Pax" she said, pulling her hand away from him. She couldn't concentrate on anything except the heat he was emitting, and Devi had to teach him history, because he had to improve grades, because he deserved the best in life. "Thank you. For real, that Hallped” She said and he smiled his cute little smile.

His smile erased very quickly when she opened the textbook.

Once again, Paxton couldn't concentrate for more than an hour. It's like his brain can contain 60 minutes of learning, and nothing more. Devi thinks she understands now why he is not doing well in school.

While Paxton finished drumming on the table with two pencils the same rhythm for nine and a half minutes, Devi closed the textbook and sighed.

Paxton looked at her. "Sorry," he said, putting the pencils down. He didn't want her to give up on him and he believed that if he tried very hard he could concentrate for at least another hour.

"No, that's fine," Devi said as she put the book into her bag. "It's not your fault, it's probably hard to live with a baby's ability to concentrate," she added, and Paxton straightened in his chair.

"Did you called me stupid right now?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. He wasn't really angry with her, mainly because he knew she had a higher level of intellect than anyone he'd ever met, but Paxton also couldn't be mad about her. Look at her, sitting in front of him and trying to get information into his rotten brain, she has to get a reward.

Devi looked at him amused. It is not the first time that she sees this defense mechanism when he get called stupid, and each time she does not understand his anger. He doesn't the best in school, but he's so ... smart in any other way. He is sensitive to his surroundings and knows how to read a room, he knows everything about music and learns all about down syndrome when he finds out he is going to get a new sister.

"Can I ask you something?" She said, leaning forward. She assumed he didn't want people to hear their conversation, and she just couldn't understand how a person like Paxton could be insecure about something.

"Sure thing Devi, feel free," he said, leaning forward as well.

"Why are you so defensive when you called stupid?" She asked and Paxton's shoulders slumped. He did not expect this question.

And he had been thinking about it a lot lately, trying to put a finger on it, but he couldn't decide the answer to that.

"I'm not sure?" He said and he really sounded unsure. "Like ... for years I was told that I was an outstanding athlete, that I was hot, that every girl would want to go out with me and that every boy would want my physique, but never told that I was smart," he said, and still didn't seem very decisive.

"I keep trying to prove that I'm more than a pretty face" he said at last, in that sentence he was sure. All his friends knew him because he was a gifted athlete, all his exes was with him because he was a 'stud' in their eyes. He knew that even Devi was his friend only because she wanted to have sex with him.

Devi frowned and examined the person sitting in front of her. She only knew him because she offered him sex, because he was her eternal crush, but she's not sitting in front of Paxton H-Y now, she sits in front of Paxton, who cares about people and makes them laugh, proving himself a trustworthy friend more than one time.

"You know you're smart, righy?" She said and he leaned back, grinning at the saying.

"You don't have to say that Devi" he said, and she silenced him.

“Paxton, you're smart. Like, really smart” she continued, leaning even further forward, folding her legs and sitting on them. "You understand music and people and you know when to keep quiet, and what to do at any moment, you think fast - AKA coyote accident” she said decisively, banging on the table with her finger with each of her points. “And in addition to everything, you have now learned 2-class material in an hour. Well done” she finished and he looked surprised.

Paxton is not used to hearing such words, not from girls, that for sure. Not only because the girls he was with were, at best, at the same level of intelligence as he was, it was because girls at that age were not so honest, and to Devi it came out naturally.

"That's because I have such a good teacher," he said, leaning forward as well. Paxton knew they were too close to call it 'friend appropriate', but he didn't care. The library is empty of people, he was NOT surprised by that, and they sat in the learning corner, which has large bookcases on all sides. He examined Devi's face, starting with her big brown eyes, continuing to that cute little nose and his eyes lingering as they reached her lips. They were naturally red and full, and he remembered their kiss. He wanted to kiss her so much right now.

Devi breathed deeply, inhaling his scent for the last time and leaned back. She couldn't make it to Ben, but damn, she wanted to. The kiss she and Paxton shared in his car was floating in front of her eyes and she felt the way she felt then - hungry for more.

But Devi is trying not to be an uncontrollable beast now, so she moved away, freeing her legs.

Devi pulled out her phone and text Ben if he can come pick her up for dinner, trying to break free of the need to get closer to Paxton.

"Need a ride?" Paxton asked her while putting his books in his bag. He didn't want her to move away from him, but that's what happened. And who would have thought that Devi Vishwakumar was the voice of reason in any kind of situation?

"No, Ben come to pick me up for dinner" she said and he nodded and stood.

Paxton almost said goodbye to her, but something stopped him. He sat down in a chair next to Devi and leaned forward.

"I have a few questions. Can I? " He asked her. His brain couldn't understand this nonsense called Ben and Devi.

She nodded, "Shoot them" she told him and he ran a hand through his hair. Devi was a little nervous. Paxton was honest with her, and it's not that she has a problem being honest, she's just really trying not to ruin her precious friendship with Paxton Hall Yoshida.

"When did you and Ben start dating?" He asked and she seemed surprised at the question.

Paxton didn't understand if she realized he wanted her or she really didn't understand anything.

"Last week" she said and seemed to be waiting for a longer answer.

"How?" He asked and was sure it was implied by his previous question. Devi's eyes ran across the room and she showed a growing interest in everything but Paxton. "If it's okay to ask, feel free not to answer," he added, and she nodded.

"No, no, you answered me so I'll answer you" Devi said, her eyes pausing for a moment. "On my father's death anniversary, he managed to get Fab and Eleanor to forgive me and persuade me to spread my Dad's ashes in Malibu with my mom, but when we got home they had already driven and he drove me to Malibu and waited for me four hours and just... It happened." Devi said the words that flooded her, trying not to look Paxton in the eye.

Paxton must admit, it's a lovely story. He appreciates Ben for being able to convince Devi to do anything, but he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he should have been the one to drive her. Ben Gross does not even have a permanent license. Maybe it makes the story more charming? He shook that thought from his head and looked up at Devi again. From such a small distance he could see some stray hairs on her eyebrows and that made him smile, because that so her. Paxton is used to getting everything he wants. He's used to getting the girls he wants, the car he wants, the garage just for himself. He was not used to want something and not getting it. Because it's not his to get. And if there's anything Paxton isn't, it's a thief.

"Devi, you ever think about our k-" Paxton started and stopped by Ben who entered the room.

"Hey. I'm not interrupting, am I? " Ben said, or rather he shouted, approaching Devi with huge steps, placing a possessive hand on her shoulder.

"No. Not at all, Gross” Paxton said and stood up, picking up his back bag.

"I'll talk to you Dev, good to see you, Ben," he said, moving away quickly.

Ben Gross didn't want to cause a scene, not with Davi, the three-headed anger monster, but he couldn't keep quiet.

"What was Davi?" He said, exhausted and sitting in a chair that Paxton had just cleared.

Devi, to be honest, didn't even know what it was. But she certainty was not gonna admit that. 

“We learned, Ben. That's what it was” she said, standing up, grabbing her bag and starting to go to Ben's car, which followed her quietly.

"Devi promise me that -" Ben started to talk when the got in the car and she stopped him.

“I promised you once. Can you trust me?" Devi said quickly, decisively.

Ben nodded and started to drive "Yes. I trust you” he told her, and after a few seconds of silence, he turned up the volume of the radio.

_'Please have mercy on me_   
_Take it easy on my heart_   
_Even though you don't mean to hurt me_   
_You keep tearing me apart'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shawn Mendes - Mercy
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYv7-TSioQM
> 
> Thanks for reading this! hope to see your comments :)


	3. Chapter 3

  
Devi sometimes sorry nobody taught her to deal with her emotions. Her mother is not dealing with own feelings, and Kamala is just gonna tell her she have to keep smiling or something like that, she can't talk about most of it with Ben or the girls and her psychologist so annoyed her the last time she saw her, she can't talk with her either. Devi is filled with guilt, anger, love and fear. If she was one of those running dudes, she would probably run all day to clear her mind.

She is in her home after a long and discouraging school day, staring at the ceiling and lying on the bed. Dinner yesterday was terrible to her. Ben did nothing wrong, and her mom was very nice to him, but she just couldn't stop thinking about India Paxton, and she promised herself she wouldn't do it, she couldn't be the girl who cheated on her boyfriend but...she was so calm next to Paxton, he was able to understand her and quiet her anxious voices, she manages to be at ease with him without any effort and, above all of that, her heart beats so hard when he touche her. She can feel her blood pressure rising when she just thought about yesterday.

Devi was also thinking about India. She was terrified to move there, she kept imagining crowded streets and rickshaws pushing everyone, she thought of the great taste of barbecue ribs and corn dogs, Devi couldn't get her mind of the fact she will have to say goodbye to everyone in her life, and that Fab and Eleanor will find new and better friends and Paxton will forget all about her. And Ben, off-course, he will go back to Shira and they will be happy without her. Devi thought to herself that she will have to leave this house, where her dad thought her to play the harp and she will not have memories of him anymore, because even now she spend less time thinking about him, she wanted to remember him forever, like he was, young and funny, loving dad, but her memories started fading with each day. 

A new message ringed and she pick her phone up quickly.

'I need you ASAP' Paxton texted her, so she sit down in her bed.

'What happened?' She sent him and already put shoes on.

'Rebecca has a girl crisis and I don't know what to do with that' he wrote and Devi was already at the door, grabbing a jacket.

Ten minutes later she was already knocking on the door of the Hall Yoshida family.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, a million thanks" he told her as he opened the door, looking tired. He led her directly to Rebecca's room.

"My dad and I don't know what to do, and my mom on a business trip, and it's just not our territory" he told Devi as he knocked on Rebecca's door, which opened the door with a red puffy crying face.

“Rebecca! what happened honey?" Devi asked and Rebecca sat down on her bed.

"My boyfriend broke up with me and he's the biggest shithead I've ever met and I don't like changes," she said while Devi walked in and closed the door behind her.

When Devi heard it, she opened the door for a second.

"Ice cream," she told Paxton, and then closed the door again.

Devi sat down next to her on the bed and listened to Rebecca talks about Sam, her boyfriend who is on the spectrum and very talented in painting, that after dating together for 2 years and had 14 rules of a relationship they wrote together, decided to leave for a college in another state and break up with her so he would be single when the 'collage chick train' come. Sam heard someone calls single ladies like that, and he uses that phrase ever since.

"Rebecca, baby, I'm sure he was charming and cute as a puppy, but you worth so much more." Devi said, digging up the Chubby Hubby Pint that Paxton brought them. "And you forget that you look amazing and can get anyone you want, because you are a super-motherfucking-star" Devi added and Rebecca finally smiled. “Plus all that, every guy who uses the words 'chick train' should be burned at the stake, but that's my personal opinion. Devi continued to talk, and Rebecca laughed now.

"I don't want any more boyfriends” Rebecca said and Devi nodded.

"Men are some tough shit, huh" Devi told her, as if she were the most experienced girl on earth. "But it's okay to be alone, you know" Devi continue and Rebecca did not seem to understand. Devi smiled at her, "Yeah, you know, trying a new hobby, keep yourself busy and understand who you are and what you want before you bring someone new into your life," Devi said, and they both raised eyebrows now.

“I know it sounds like Dr. Phil shit, but it's real, I tell you" Devi said decisively and Rebecca thought about what she said for a few minutes. She didn't let Devi say a word, or take a scoop ice cream, because it distracted her.

"Then I don't want to date anyone now. I want date with myself" Rebecca said and Devi laughed.

"It'll be a good date," the black-haired girl told her, and they both laughed out loud.

Rebecca studied Devi, who was sitting next to her with her legs folded and she tried to figure Devi out, but something was missing in the attempt, and it only happened to her when the person was in distress.

"Are you okay, Devi? Paxton tell me you're dating someone new, and although I'd rather you be with Paxton, I really hope you're happy with him," Rebecca said, examining Devi's face.

No trigger greater than Are you okay? All Devi wanted to do now was to cry and tell Rebecca everything. So she double-checked that the door was closed and looked at Rebecca seriously.

"I need you to swear you won't talk about what I'm going to say now to anyone" Devi said, not daring to smile, because she didn't laugh. "Swear," she said, and Rebecca nodded, raising three fingers.

"I swear on my life" repeated her the blonde and Devi approved the process and opened her mouth.

For several minutes, Devi talked about everything. About her family, about Ben, about Paxton, she explained that she never wants to be a cheater, but Ben doesn't soothe her as Paxton does, and her besties, Fab and Eleanor, are currently at Ben's team and will be very angry if she breaks his heart, she explained that she did not want to move to India, and told of her upcoming 'vacation' to India, she explained that she needed to be as good as Kamala, but she wanted to be as free as a bird but there was weights that kept her on the ground and she could not move.

Rebecca listened and absorbed everything. She let Devi empty all her peeps and recharge them as she listened to her, and finally, when Devi sighed and looked exhausted than ever, Rebecca put a hand on her hand, and the contrast of colors was pleasing to Rebecca.

"Oh man, Devi, if I had so much crap in my life I wouldn't have left the house" Rebecca told her and Devi didn't seem to be encouraged by these words. "I mean, you really do survive a lot," she corrected the statement, and Devi smiled.

"I can consume many shit," said Devi and Rebecca shook her head.

"You might be getting a lot of shit, but you shouldn't. Get rid of unnecessary things, focus on yourself, focus to what you want to do, don't do what the surrounding needs you to do," said Rebecca and Devi remained silent, listening to her.

It's amazing how her psychologist tried to tell her this for a few months, but when Rebecca said it, in such a simple way, it made sense. First end with the shit indoors, then check the shit in the outside.

It sounds true but she did not know if it was applicable.

"I can't just say goodbye to Ben and stop talking to my friends and Pax for a few months until I fix all the crap inside me," said Devi and Rebecca shook her head.

"Do whatever you want, you don't have to cut ties, but listen to your own advice - you have to figure out who you are before putting someone else into your life," Rebecca said and Devi listened to her. She really listened to her, and she really wanted to listen to her own advice, but she was afraid of drastic changes.  
"I'll think about it, okay?" Said Devi and Rebecca nodded, taking another scoop of ice cream. “I also have to go now. But I'm putting my number on your phone" Devi said, opening Rebecca's phone, entering her phone number into contacts, “And talk to me if you needed anything. The boys in this house are clearly not very useful when it comes to girls stuff” She said, standing up.

"Thanks, Devi," Rebecca said a second before Devi closed the door behind her.

Devi moved toward the door, and in the living room she saw Paxton switching off the television and almost running to her.

"Is everything good there?" He asked and Devi nodded, couldn't help but smile at the sight of his care.

“Yes, she'll finish the pint and go to bed for sure. She'll be fine, first break up always hurts” she said, as if she had some inkling of this pain. She is just at the beginning of the first relationship of her life, she certainly does not know how awful it is to break up with someone.

They walked together and sat on the steps of Paxton's house.

"The second time you save me with her," Paxton said, and Devi shrugged.

"That's me, Super Woman," she said, and he smiled at her. She had plenty of opportunities to explore Paxton Hall Yoshida's smile, and she looked at his smile for a long time, and she knew when he was going to say something. She also knew when he was scared, or ashamed to say it.

So she stopped him before he could say anything and stood.

"I have to go, I'll see you already," she said, and he stood up too.

"already?" He asked and checked the clock. So early! "When can we study again?" He asked her and she ran her mind around trying to find a solution.

"I'll talk to you, probably this Saturday, but I'm not sure," she told the bewildered Paxton, running before he could respond again.

Devi didn't came with her scooter and, surprisingly, she enjoys running. Paxton lives about ten minutes drive away, which means he lives about half an hour running away. Devi enjoyed the feel of the air on her face and her legs didn't get tired until she got home.

She goes straight into the shower, ignoring the ringing on the door and letting the hot water wash her.

\-----

Nalini may not always understand her daughter, or may not always know how to deal with her stubbornness, but she loved her daughter much more than she seemed.

America is tough. She can't ignore it, when you're a minority, and without the extended family you can rely on in the challenging moments, living in America is far from the "American Dream." Nalini couldn't ignore the fact that her daughter eats meat, contrary to all the beliefs she was raised on, and that her daughter is much more interested in boys than her at this age, that her skirts are short and that she hates Bollywood and Devi may be praying to the gods, but that only happened when Devi needed something.

Nalini wanted to return to India because it was easier for her there. She has a big family and will have a big home, and with the money they have here she can live a carefree life in India. She wanted Devi to be part of her roots, she wanted Devi to feel Indian, and not just look Indian. Nalini wanted to give her daughter a good life like she had. That's why she insists so much on India, so she wanted to go back there to show her daughter that life would be easier there.

Devi returned a few minutes ago from a very long run and went right to the shower, Nalini just finished her day at the clinic and 2 loads of laundry. She leaned back and thought that life with Mohan could have continued if they had never moved from India.

When there was a knock at Nalini's door, she looked at the window viewing the entrance.

Mr. Cheekbones.

Nalini opened the door and immediately became angry. Devi's blue jacket was in the boy's hand and she rolled her eyes.

"Can you explain to me why you keep returning me my daughter's clothes?" She asked and the boy smiled for a second.

"That's not what you think," he said, and she grimaced.

"Don't think you know what I think," she said, and she never looked so frustrated.

"Devi helped my sister and forgot about the jacket, that's all, I swear," the boy told her and Nalini still looked suspicious.

"That's all, Mrs. Vishwakumar," he said, handing her the jacket. Nalini took the jacket and ran her hand over the fabric.

"What is your name?" She asked him, examining his face.

"Paxton Hall Yoshida," he said, and Nalini recognized the name. His mother makes the best chocolate muffins she has tasted in her life, and the first she tasted in America.

Nalini remembered the first mixed couple she saw when she moved to this country. A white girl and a Japanese guy knocking on their door and serving muffins.

"We saw there was another colored couple in the neighborhood and we had to jump in to say Hello," the man told them, and Mohan invited them in. They drank Indian tea and ate the muffins. Nalini remembered that she thought all the people here were so nice for so long because of this couple and until the Hall Yoshida's left the neighborhood about a month later, the two couples met every day.

"Oh," Nalini said to Paxton and studied the boy's face. Their first friends in America were expecting a boy when they moved away and Nalini was not expecting children yet. "You're the son of Abigail and Eugene" she said and he nodded, surprised.

"Do you know my parents?" He said and his eyebrows twisted. Nalini studied the boy from head to toe. He was a beautiful boy, she can't deny it, with high cheekbones and a pleasant smile.

"Yes, Yes. They were our neighbors before moving” she said, nodding vigorously. Nalini remembered that Abigail had trouble getting pregnant for a long time, and then she remembered Mohan, who would have been so happy to meet their boy. He and Eugene always believed he would be an all-American football player. "Glad to hear they had another child" she told him, continuing to run her hand over the jacket's fabric.

"They adopted Rebecca when I was eight," Paxton told her and picked up his phone, showing her his wallpaper - a family photo that included the four of them and one-eyed cat. Nalini smiled at him for the first time and Paxton felt he had managed to avoid a death trap.

"Give them a warm greeting from me," said Nalini, and he nodded quickly. "And stop bringing me Devi clothes" she added, but Paxton could hear that she was a little more forgiving now.

“I respect Devi very much. We really don't go out or even kiss anymore” he blushed slightly now, remembering the last time he was here, the way he uttered words that only made it difficult for Devi.

"And yet you keep bringing back her clothes, huh?" said Nalini, rolling her eyes, which might have seemed angry if she hadn't smiled at him.

"I won't do it again" he said and went to a red car, driving away, in what Nalini did notice, very reasonable speed.

She sighed loudly and shook her head. In India, if a man who is not your husband returned your clothing item to the family it said one thing and one thing only - that you betrayed your family and your beliefs for instant pleasure.

Nalini walked into the house and hung the jacket up.

"Devi" she called her daughter out loud, noticing that the shower was empty.

Nalini heard the music coming out of her daughter's room and knew that Devi wouldn't hear her like this.

Nalini climbed the stairs and knocked on Devi's door, not waiting for answer, and opened the door a second after.

"Are you ok, kan'yā?" She asked, examining the room. The room is always a bit messy, a shirt thrown on the floor, books open on the table. But now the room was all kind of messy, clothing were stacked all over the floor, school supplies on every corner, an empty plate on the floor and Devi was lying on her messy bed with an expression that Nalini was unable to read. She approached her daughter and sat down on the bed beside her.

"Yes Mom, all is good" Devi said and Nalini could not believe in her less.

"Your boyfriend was here" Nalini said and Devi turned her head.

"Ben?" She asked, and Nalini tried not to get upset about it.

"No, but it's good to know that Ben is your boyfriend," she said, and Devi sighed, realizing that her words were her downfall. "Paxton Hall Yoshida" Nalini said, placing a loving hand on her daughter's head.

"You have to stop lying to me, Kan'yā. You forgot your jacket in his house," Nalini added and Devi closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry Mom" said Devi and Nalini was surprised that Devi had not begun to give an excuse to the visit.

"Come on Devi, talk to your mother" Nalini lay down on her side and looked at the ceiling.

Devi was silent for a few seconds, but then she opened her mouth and didn't seem to have the ability to stop herself anymore.

"I think about moving to India and I that I'll have to say goodbye to Fab and Eleanor and when I talk about it with Ben he says he's sure we won't move, but when I talk about it with Paxton he takes it seriously and says I'll get along everywhere, but I don't want to get used to anywhere else, Because I finally starting to get along here, and I know I'm not easy and made it hard for you, and that makes you happier, so I want you to have a good time and to try, but I don't want to forget dad and I'm scared, Mom" she told her and took a deep breath. "I'm really scared, Mom," Devi said, and Nalini heard the tears in her daughter throat threatening to come out, and now she too feels those tears.

"Oh, Kan'yā," she said, turning to her, placing a loving hand on her only daughter. Nalini notices that Devi didn't mentioned the fact that she is dating Ben, or why she is close enough to Paxton to tell him about India. Nalini raised a smart girl.

"We're just flying there to look at the place. If you will not get along and decide you can't do it, I'm the last one to force you to live in a place you don't like" Nalini told her, caressing the little face softly. “As long you keep suffering with me in Ganesh Puja, I am happy if you are. wherever we are, we will have joy" she added and Devi closed her eyes again, hiding the tears.

Devi couldn't say nothing now and her mother's hand spread warmth and love. She snuggled against her mommy body and took a deep breath, trying to push back the unfaithful tears.

"I wish Dad was here" she said quietly and Nalini didn't have the economics to block her tears now.

"I know. I wish that too" Nalini said, closing her eyes, hugging her daughter.

_And you say, "As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you_   
_Don't wanna lie here, but you can learn to_   
_If I could change the way that you see yourself_   
_You wouldn't wonder why you hear_   
_'They don't deserve you'"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That episode was very emotional for me to write, hope you guys liked it. It's shorter that usual, next episode will be upload this weekend :)
> 
> Billie Eilish - everything i wanted
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgBJmlPo8Xw


	4. Chapter 4

Devi left the building where her meetings with her psychologist were. For two days she has been talking nonstop about her life, yesterday with Rebecca and her mom, today with her psychologist, and Devi needs a break. She needs to hear other people talk about their problems, she could not talk about India, her family, Ben and Paxton anymore.

So she sends a message to Fab and Eleanor, solemnly informing them that today, Friday the 13th, they are going to see scary movies all night.

 _'Can I bring Eve?'_ Fab asked in their Whatsapp group. Devi sighed and slouched as she got on the bus.

 _'If you want to'_ she sent, hoping that Fab would understand the clue.

 _'Cool, I'll let Oliver know too'_ Eleanor sent, and Devi wondered when her friends became so needy.

 _'You know that if Oliver come, it can't be in my house, right?'_ Devi wrote and the group fell silent for a minute.

 _'we can do it at Ben's, it will be much scarier in his home theater'_ wrote Fab and Eleanor began typing quickly.

 _'I'm telling my dad I'm sleeping at your place, Fab, okay?'_ She wrote and when Fab confirmed, Eleanor sent a series of excited emojis.

Magnificent. Great. That's what she wanted.

On the other hand, it's a good opportunity to catch two birds at once and forget about Paxton for a bit, sit down with Ben and deepen their bond.  
She texted Ben that everyone is coming to him tonight and he did not object. Yesterday they did not talk at all, and this morning he sends her funny posts on Instagram. He was able to understand her even when she's not around him, and she notices it.

When Devi got off at her station, she thought of her virginity.

She wants to get rid of it, with anyone, anybody. She wants to pop her cherry and put the whole first experience behind her. Doc says she has to trust whoever it will be and knows him well, but Devi thinks she knows Ben well enough and he is her boyfriend, so that's good enough.

Right?

"Hi Mom" Devi said as she walked into the house, mom in the kitchen, cleaning the dishwasher they never use. Yesterday Devi fell asleep with tears in her eyes in Nalini's hands. She felt protected and loved, as in the days her father was still here.

"How was the session?" Nalini asked and Devi took a bottle of water from the fridge, sipping it fully before breathing again.

"Good," Devi said, and her mom gave her threatening look. "Groundbreaking, Amazing, unbeliviable, doc believe we had a breakthrough," said Devi and Nalini rolled her eyes with a smile on her lips.

"I need you to fold the laundry and clean your room today," Nalini told her, and Devi didn't want to argue. She's tired of arguing with her mom over nothing,

and she needs her in good mood when she tells her that she's going to sleep at Fab's today, so she won't call the Torres family to check it.

"No problem," Devi said, and went to do it while Nalini tried not to look too surprised.

About three hours later, when Devi arranged every detail in her room and frantically cleaned it and folded the laundry, Kamala, Devi, and Nalini sat down for dinner.

"Did you clean the room good?" Nalini asked and Devi nodded. "And the laundry?" She continued to ask and Devi nodded, food in her mouth. "Did you return the clothes to the closets?" Nalini continued and Devi nodded.

"It's okay, Auntie, Prashant won't check if we have laundry in the hamper," Kamala said, smiling as usual.

"Whoa, that's what it was" Devi finally realized, "That's why you cleaned things like the dishwasher we never turned on" said Devi, laughing out loud.

Nalini smiled at the laughter of her daughter.

"I'm going to sleep at Fab today, we're doing a scary movies marathon" said Devi after a few minutes, and Kamala made a disgusted voice.

"Oh, I don't understand why people do this," Kamala said, shivering.

Nalini nodded to Devi.

"Have fun" Nalini told her and Devi smiled.

While she was packing a bag, half an hour later, Devi hoped today would be her first time. It's time for this to happen already, she's been waiting for it for too long. And she knows Ben wants that to happen, because he used to be with Shira and he is very experienced when they kiss. Devi put in the most sexy yet effortless pajamas she could find, a short black shorts with a matching mini mouse tank top.

When she got out of the shower, she rubbed yogurt and almond scented lotion, wearing the best bra and panties she had, over them she put on a floral dress.

"I'm out" she exclaimed and grabbed her jeans jacket from the hanger next to the door.

"Don't stay up too late. It will screw your sleep schedule" Nalini answered her from the living room and she left, waiting for Ben to pick her up. She was leaning against the fence and scrolling through Instagram.

"Hi, beautiful woman" she heard Ben appear in front of him in his car, lower the window so he could see her better.

Devi got into the vehicle and he planted a small kiss on her lips.

"So what did you do yesterday?" Ben asked her, can't wait. He sent her at least ten messages on different apps, which Devi didn't log in to or read. He worried about her, and when he called her in the evening, her mother answered, telling him she was asleep.

"You know, classes, chores, stuff like that," she said, closing the door.

Ben improved his driving game at the last few days, Devi has noticed, and his permanent license came in the mail today, so he really enjoys driving with open windows and loud music. Living the American Dream.

"I know" he answered her and told himself that was Devi. Such a mystery, he wasn't always 100 percent with her in the same line of thought, but he understood it most of the time.

As they stopped by his house, they noticed the other cars parking there.

"Great, they all here," he said. Ben kinda hoped he will have some alone time with Devi before they all come.

After hugs and kisses for everyone, Devi couldn't help but wait for it all to end so she could finally have sex.

They sat in pairs in Ben's home theater and waited for the first movie.

"Phones on quiet, if someone is too scared he can handle it on his own and not scream like a little girl" said Devi. She likes horror movies, not because they're scary, or exciting in any way. She liked them because she love to laugh at the silly characters. Devi was done being scared of monsters a year ago, when she realized that things could be worse than just dying.

Ben drank from his coke and looked stressed when Devi pressed Play.

"Are you scared?" Devi whispered to him. He shook his head.

"Not at all" he answered and she smiled at him.

When Devi felt a vibration from her phone, she pulled half of it out of her pocket and read the message.

 _'When you can come tomorrow?'_ Paxton sent her and Devi put the phone back in.

She would answer him later. Now is the time for horror movies.

The first half of IT managed to pass successfully, but Oliver, Eleanor and Ben started shaking at some point and when Elinor had to get out of the room because she had to recite a breathing technique, Devi was glad she already seen this movie. Because they're not going to finish it.

"I didn't know you were so scared of horror movies," said Devi as she stopped the movie and picked up her drink, standing up.

"me neither. I just tried not to see them since I was a child” Ben told her, and she laughed out loud.

Coward.

They relocated to Ben's yard, the cool breeze inviting them to stay there and they settled in armchairs arranged in a circle around a glass table that was an aquarium, to which Ben brought a variety of snacks and drinks.

"Let's play something," Eve suggested, and Devi folded her leg in her chair, enjoying the comfortable chair.

"Truth or Dare?" Eleanor asked in a dramatic tone.

"We are no longer in the seventh grade," replied her Fab.

"Never have I ever?" Eve suggested and fab nodded this time.

"How is it not a seventh grade game?" Eleanor asked and Fab throw a wrapper of Oreo cookie on her. "OK, I agree," Elinor told her with a smile, leaning back.

"Want to make it interesting?" She asked after a few seconds and everyone turned their eyes to Ben.

"I'll bring the alcohol," Ben said, and went into the house to come back after a few minutes with a bottle of Bourbon. "It's sweet enough for Fab not to suffer," he said while arranging the shots glasses he brought.

Devi didn't drink much in her life, and the most memorable experience, at Trent's party, was ... awful. It was awful.

But now there are no coyote around and she'll be fine, she's sure of it. Ben will take care of her.

She hope.

"I've never glued gum under the table," said Fabiola, starting the game and Devi, Oliver, and Eve drank a shot.

Devi took out her phone and looked at the last message she received, deciding to answer it as long as she wasn't completely drunk, and told herself it was the most mature thing she could do.

 _'3PM sound good?'_ she wrote to him and sent, proud of herself for doing the right thing.

Now Devi could put down her phone and enjoy the game.

"I never tasted cat or dog food" Eleanor continued, and everyone checked who was drinking. No one picked up his glass and after a few seconds they let out a sigh of relief and laughter.

"I've never been with a man," Eve said, examining her friend's reaction. Everyone moved in their seats, realizing that the game was going in the direction everyone wanted to, but no one had the courage to ask first.

Eleanor and Devi were the only drinkers this time. Both of them twisted their faces as they sipped the liquid, is was the second shot Devi drank and who knew that Bourbon had such a strong aftertaste. Should they even do shots of Bourbon? Devi remembered her kisses, her one magical, her first ever, with Paxton, and all the others with Ben, whose kisses were completely different. More ... practicality.

"I've never seen porn," said Devi, watching her friends. Ben, Oliver and Eve drank their shot and now Devi wanted to add 'see porn' to her plan for this year!

"I never practiced kissing on my hand," Ben said, and Devi and Oliver drank.

Devi started to feel the heat taking over her body, she enjoyed every cold breeze on her face.

"I never wanted to be the opposite sex," said Fab, and Devi drank again, alone.

"Oh, come on, you never hoped you could pee standin' up?" Devi asked the girls and after a short hesitation Eleanor and Eve drank their glass.

"Standing behind my words" said Fab and Ben couldn't help but laugh at the exchange.

Devi felt a vibration on her cellphone and remembered she hadn't returned it to sound yet.

 _'Sounds great, the test is next week so I have to learn more this time ..._ ' Paxton sent her and Devi smiled.

“Never have i ever had a crush on a teacher” Said Oliver and Ben, Eve and Devi drank again.

"Well, please elaborate on this one" said Fab, bursting out laughing. Ben, who was red as a tomato leaned back, waiting for someone else to start.

"Mrs. Rodriguez, the advanced English teacher," said Eve and Ben pointed to her.

"That's my girl! Yes, Mrs. Rodriguez, absolutely," he said, and they laughed out loud.

"Coach Ackles" Devi said, noting that Fab and Eleanor were smiling. They knew it since sixth grade when Devi announced that he would be her husband in the future.

Devi looked at the time again, half an hour past midnight, and just had to respond to the text.

 _'Sure, we'll take short breaks in between and u take Ritalin or something and you will concentrate for more than an hour'_ she wrote to him and glad she wrote it, because now she didn't have to think for ten minutes about what her next 'Never' would be.

"I never took prescription drugs" said Devi. Ben and Eve drank now.

"I've never done any drugs," Eleanor continued. Oliver and Ben and Eve were drinking now. Devi was surprised and wondered when did Ben did drugs, or what kind of drugs he did.

"If I was given steroids while I couldn't walk would that count?" Devi leaned forward and asked and everyone nodded in agreement.

"Absolutely" Ben said to her and gave her the glass. She drank it all and leaned back.

This is the point that Devi knew she was drunk.

 _'Sure, nothing I love more than short breaks with you'_ Paxton texted her and Devi got red. It was so simple for him to make her blush that it was illegal. She didn't want him to start apologizing for what he said so she typed when he started to type again. Don't he dare take it back.

 _'I love the lessons in between, too'_ she wrote and sent him, and that might not be the best thing she could write, it was better than he apologizing.

"I never did a tattoo," said Eleanor and Eve was the only one who drank now, showing everyone the sun tattooed on her wrist.

 _'What are you doing, Devi?'_ Paxton sent her. The image of Paxton taking his shirt off, running her fingers over his chest, arrived in her mind.

Devi moved in her chair and let out a deep breath. She didn't know what to write to him, or if she even need to do this at all, but she wanted to talk with him so much.

"I never got arrested" she said and was not surprised by the fact that no one drank this time. Good kids.

"I've never been attracted to a cartoon character," Oliver said and all of them drank. Devi swallowed the drink and immediately took a bottle of water and a Snickers. She has to eat and drink right fucking now, her head started to spin.

 _'Playing Never have i ever'_ she wrote to him.

"I never stalked someone on social media" said Ben and Devi knew she have to drink. She's just CAN NOT do it right now. She make a strange growl and Ben looked at her.

"Are you fine?" He asked her and she nodded slowly.

"are you sure?" This time Eleanor asked and she shook her head.

"I just need a break to get back to myself, I'll be with you in a moment" she said, burying her head in her folded legs.

 _'Be careful not to get in trouble with a coyote, Vishwakumar'_ he sent her and she smiled. He even wrote her last name right, and that a hard task.

 _'I don't want my fav gal to end up in a hospital again'_ Paxton added after a second.

His fav gal.

Devi listened to her surroundings and it seems Oliver explained why he once bought a necklace for his sister and only after he gave it to her he realized it was a sex toy.

 _'But if she is, she need her knight in shining armor'_ Devi wrote to him and almost regretted it, but her finger was already touched the Send and that made the decision easier.

She closed her eyes and felt awful. Not because of the alcohol, her head no longer spun and her stomach didn't twist now, she didn't even feel bad because of Paxton, because he made her excited and said nice words to her. She felt bad because of Ben, who was sitting at the armchair to her left and she talk to Paxton Hall Yoshida, completely ignoring her boyfriend that is worried about her.

 _'I'll be there whenever you need me'_ he wrote, and the pain in her heart grew.

 _'You proved it twice already'_ She sent him and just had to smile, even though it hurt so much.

 _'I wish I could prove other things to you'_ he wrote, and continued to type. 

Devi heart was pounding in her chest. 

_'I wish I could teach you new things'_ he sent her and Devi heart may have skipped a beat. She guessed he is at a party or was the party, and that he was a little drunk, letting himself to let go since it was the weekend.

"Babe, are you okay?" Warm hand rested on Devi's back. She locked the phone and lifted her head, discovering Ben with a very worried look on his face.

"Yes" she said and smiled, placing one hand on his waist.

"I'll just go to the bathroom for a minute," Devi told him, and he nodded, knowing she already knew the house.

Devi stood up and put the phone in her pocket, going directly to the nearest bathroom.

She pissed and washed her face with cold water. She was so hot and she knew it wasn't because of the weather.

She took out the phone and didn't know what to write to Paxton back. She wanted to tell him to come and prove it to her, but she also wanted to tell him that it was so inappropriate, that Ben was right here, and that Ben existed.

Her fingers ran over the screen, not touching, looking for words.

'Sorry, that was completely inappropriate. I only drank 1 beers and my tolerance is shit this days' Paxton sent her and Devi heart dropped.

'Good night, Vishwakumar. I'll see you tomorrow' he added after a second and she locked her phone.

When Devi returned to the drunk circle in the yard, she saw that they were collecting the snacks and wrappers they had scattered.

"That's it?" Devi asked and Ben nodded, not looking so good.

"Yes, Fab on the border of vomiting all over the place" Eve told her that she cleaned faster than anyone, as if she wasn't as drunk as everyone else.

They were on their way to Ben's room. "There are rooms for everyone," Ben told them, pointing to the many doors on the second floor.

"Good night," said Eleanor, entering one of them with Oliver, hugging and very drunk. Devi wondered if Eleanor would lose her virginity today, and then she wondered if she would lose her own virginity today.

When Devi entered Ben's room, she became a little flushed and Paxton's conversation came on her mind for a second, until Ben kissed her. She could taste the alcohol in his mouth, but she lean into the kiss and ran a hand through Ben's smooth hair.

"Ben" she whispered as Ben's hand went from her waist to her lower back, tightly pressing her against him.

"It's OK?" He asked, nodding, ready for it.

Devi was READY for it. She wanted to pop her cherry already and finish with the first time that's supposed to be so scary, and do sex like everyone else does these days.

Ben scared of horror movies, she didn't know it. Devi shake the thought from her head.

They made their way to the bed, kissing and panting, and Devi tried to empty her mind from the questions that came to her nonstop.

'You shouldn't wear that much make up, it will collect on your mustache' Devi ignored that memory and instead pulled out the image on Ben, drooling in his car at a hot day just so he can make sure she is OK.

She wanted to ignore the doubts and fears you were constantly bothering her, but she didn't have the ability to do it for much longer.

Ben sat down on the bed and pulled her with him, making her lie down next to him, and continued kissing her lips for a few seconds, until his lips escaped their borders and dropped to her neck. Devi kept her eyes closed, enjoying the lips touching her body.

Ben did drugs.

She pulled Ben up, stopping him from getting further her collarbones and continuing to kiss him, her hand on his neck, playing with his short hair. Ben's hand find the way from her hip to her chest, and when Ben starts to grope her, she really, really, really wanted to let that happen.

She just couldn't do it. Doc didn't get out of her head, telling her that she needed to trust, love and know her first and that she didn't have to do it in order to 'do it'. Devi moved away from Ben and breathed again.

"Do you want to stop?" Ben asked, and she was shaking her head. She won't let it stop her, Doc is wrong. The first experience should be quick and simple in order for her to have sex in the future without this fear.

Devi kissed Ben again and could feel the bulge created in his pants, which he rubbed on her leg.

'I wish I could teach you new things'

That the thing that broke Devi and she moved away from Ben, standing up.

"We don't have to do it if you don't..." Ben said, while Devi tried to clear her mind and breathe and stand straight.

"I don't" Devi said quietly and Ben nodded to her.

"Okay, no problem," he said, and she could see the disappointment in his eyes. He stood and approached her, placing a cautious hand on her waist.

"Good night, Babe" he told her, planting a brief kiss on her lips. She breathed when she heard his calm tone. Ben went into the bathroom next to the room and Devi stood there for another few seconds.

She wanted to change into pajamas and wash her face, but she couldn't do it. She was angry that she missed this opportunity and ruined everything with Ben.

Devi lay down on the bed, covering with the cozy blanket. Devi blamed Doc for everything that happened here tonight. She took out her phone and started browsing Instagram and TikTok, looking for something to catch her eye.

She heard the toilet's flush and the tap opened a second after. She wanted to ask Ben if everything was good with them and if she ruined everything. Something told Devi that she had ruined everything pretty good before tonight.

Devi opened the conversation with Paxton, just to feel good again.

'Good night, Vishwakumar. I'll see you tomorrow'

Devi closed her eyes and locked the phone, pinning it close to her and falling asleep in the next second.

\-----------

The next morning Devi got up with a throbbing headache. She opened her eyes and looked around the room, slowly recognizing the room around her, recalling the night before. Her heart pounded as she remembered Ben, kissing her passionately, and skipped a beat when she remembered that she had stopped Ben. She turned and saw that Ben was no longer there.

When Devi stood up, her phone fell out of bed. She picked it up and remembered a conversation with Paxton. She sighed loudly and took her bag with her to the bathroom. After brushing her teeth, changing clothes, she couldn't believe she was sleeping in her dress, and combing her hair she went down the stairs, seeing Oliver and Ben talk in the kitchen while the Gross's maid was making omelets for them.

"Good morning," she said, and Oliver and Ben fell silent when they heard her, Oliver blushing.

"Good afternoon Devi" Ben corrected her and walked to her, planting a warm kiss on her lips.

She smiled at him and poured herself a big glass of water.

Devi could feel the questions and the doubts and the problems flooding her head. She thought of the night before as she sipped the refreshing water. Her head was aching as she recalled that she had disappointed herself and Ben yesterday. Fear took over her and and she couldn't believe she missed her chance to have sex with Ben. She was afraid that Ben would not try it again for a long time and that way she would miss the opportunity and move to India a virgin and not have sex until she marries a man who will probably be looking like Raj from Big Bang Theory.

When she heard footsteps coming, she shook her thoughts and smiled at the sight of Eleanor, Eve, and Fab walking down the stairs. Fab looked the worst of them all, walking with the help of Eve with a sour face.

"Morning," Elinor said quietly, and Fab twisted her face to the sound.

"So much noise" whispered Fab and Eve couldn't help but giggle.

As soon as they both finished eating their nutritious breakfast Devi stood and grabbed her bag.

"I have to go," said Devi and Eleanor nodded in agreement.

"Me too" she said, standing up.

"I'll drive you," Oliver said, and Ben had already grabbed his keys, not before taking out a box of Advil.

"Everyone take one" he told them and no one could argue. It was a good idea, because her brain still felt like a punching bag.

Devi swallowed the green pill and began to feel the pain relief only when Ben dropped her off at her house.

"I'll talk to you later," she said, not bothering to look back. She wanted to get away from Ben now, because she felt like a criminal.

She went straight into the shower, without saying hello to anyone in the house. She tried to wash away the feeling that she was a bad person in boiling water, but even when she came out of the shower she couldn't stop seeing Ben's disappointed eyes.

She knew Ben was only disappointed by the fact that she didn't want to have sex with him, but she couldn't help but relate it to the fact that while he was sitting next to her, she told Paxton that he is her knight in shining armor.

'I had sex with Oliver' Devi read the message when she step out of her long shower.

 **HOLLY FUCKING SHIT**. So Eleanor first lose her virginity in their group.

Devi quickly dried herself and sat down in her room with a towel, waiting to hear every detail.

'How was it?' She wrote and couldn't resist. 'Is it hurts?' She sent and still could not stop. 'Was it pleasant?' She asked and Eleanor finally started typing. Devi did not leave the chat for the next half hour, demanding to know everything needed.

Eleanor tried to answer all the questions, as embarrassing as they might be, and Devi learned a lot during that half hour. When she received a message from Paxton, she looked at the name for a long time before reading the text.

 _'we still on for today?'_ He asked. It was such a simple message and still Devi stared at her for a long time before she could answer.  
Devi wanted to write to him that he was really out of lines yesterday, that it was inappropriate because she is with Ben and that's it. She wanted to write to him that he should not be sorry and ask that he specify what he could teach her. Devi didn't know what she wanted to write to him, so she sent him a quick ' _sure_ '.

"So ... where are you?" He wrote to her and she checked the time. Oh shit, it's 03:15 pm.

"Oh shit, I'm OMW" Devi sent him and started dressing quickly.

"Mom I'm going out" she told Nalini as she passed by her on her way to the door.

"already? You just arrived! ” Nalini said and Devi stopped.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I have to help a friend to study for a test," Devi told her. Nalini was not pleased, but she also did not want to argue with her daughter again.

"I want you here by Seven thirty, and I want you to work on the garden again until then," Nalini told her decisively.

Devi nodded and decided it was the best she could get from Nalini at the moment, so before she got on her scooter she set a reminder for seven. She wouldn't be a terrible girl anymore.

Devi drove to Paxton, enjoying the wind on her face. Devi was trying hard not to close her eyes, though she wanted to. She wanted to feel like she was flying, but let's face it, she will die if she tried.

Paxton sat on his yard when she arrived and couldn't help but smile when he saw her. He thought she would get angry because of their texting yesterday, but her broad smile made it clear to him that it wasn't true. He would never drink and text anymore, that's for sure. Paxon believed he had ruined their friendship and that she was thinking less of him now, because who the fuck mess with girls who have a boyfriend? Douchebags. that's who.

"Are you ready?" Devi asked as he opened the garage door.

"Absolutely," he said, knowing she was there just to teach him, nothing more. He ruined their friendship, Paxton was sure of that.

Paxton tried not to draw attention to the nachos bowl and dips he made, but she stood in the middle of the only table in the room and caught her eye. He made it because last time she was laughing at him, so he wanted to show her he could take care of the food. And take care of her. Paxton wanted to apologize again for yesterday but couldn't find the words to express everything he wanted to say.

Devi did not let the embarrassment overwhelm her, she threw her bag by the couch and dipped a nacho in salsa.

"That's good," she said with a full mouth and received a smile from Paxton. He looked so insecure, and she wasn't used to seeing it from THE king of coolness. Devi wanted him to ignore the conversation from last night just as she ignored and that he will try his best to get over it. She hoped that if she behaved as usual, he would adjust to her, but it didn't look like that in the meantime. Paxton sat down beside her and seemed to want to say something. Devi didn't give him the chance and took out the books as she swallowed her second nacho.

"So, we stopped in the Civil War," said Devi, and Paxton turned his head, listening to her voice.

Paxton listened to her and was able to understand what happened following Lincoln's presidential election. Every time Devi taught him he could understand everything, she explained everything so clearly and simply. She managed to get him to listen to her for sixty minutes, which is far more than Paxton can usually concentrate on. When she was just starting to teach him, he just wanted to sit with her for a bit, talk to her, but after giving her excuse of 'need grades to improve for next year', he really believed it, and now he really wanted to get better. If Devi believed he could do it, why wouldn't he?

"Sixty-seven minutes, a new record," Devi said as he finished painting a small, not that good, dragon on his book. Paxton looked up from the page and looked apologetic.

"A break?" He asked hopefully and she nodded at him, a smile on her face, charmed by him.

Paxton didn't waste a moment and pulled out the phone, playing music and getting up, stretching in his place. Devi examined his moving muscles, mesmerized by the belly that was exposed under the blue T-shirt as he raised his hands. So many muscles, so smooth. Hot Damn.

"Devi" Paxton asked her, watching her eyes lift up from his stomach in disappointment. "About yesterday" he said and she blushed, shaking her head quickly.

"We don't need to talk about it," she said resolutely, and he stopped her with his hand.

"I don't know what I was thi—" he began to say and Devi stopped him.

“You don't have to talk about it. You were drunk, I was drunk, that's it. Didn't happen” She told him and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"And we're good for su—" he tried to ask and got stopped again.

"Nothing happened, everything just like before" Devi said and he smiled now.

"Okay" Paxton told her and opened the door, letting the sun fill the room. "Wanna sit in the sun?" Ask her and she nodded, standing up.

"Sure," she said, and they went out together, sitting in the comfortable chairs in the yard.

Devi enjoyed the hot afternoon sun and the music heard from Paxton's garage, and when she sat next to Paxton it was very convenient to make Ben's existence disappear, and if Ben wasn't there, then Devi was just sitting next to Paxton Hall Yoshida, on which she had fantasized from the moment she discovered her sexuality, and she was simply a girl who spends time with the boy she has a crush on. When Paxton leaned back she could feel his shoulder touch her, and she could smell his sweat, which wasn't that bad, because he was so close to her. She wanted that quiet moment in her brain to last forever because she couldn't think of anything bad, with the birds chirping on the lemon tree, Paxton next to her, the sun warming her face, the wind caressing her hair and the music in the background.

_Early morning with the sun_   
_Not yet burning, innocent_   
_I feel it inside_   
_I wanna reach that_   
_Skyline, skyline_

It was the perfect moment and they both didn't want it to end. But life is never fair, and a shadow covered Paxton's face.

He opened his eyes and saw Rebecca with a face that shouted I TOLD YOU And three Popsicle.

"Hi Rebecca," he said aloud, taking the green one as Devi returned to reality.

"Hi Devi, do you want Popsicle?" She asked and offered her a red Popsicle.

"Thanks! How are you?" Devi asked her as she took the icy snack, peeling the cover.

"Better," Rebecca told her, and Devi gave her a huge smile. Finally good news in her life.

"You two are dat-" she began to say, and Paxton stopped her quickly, standing up.

"We're studying, Rebecca," he told her, and she looked at him.

"You sit in the yard listening to music" she noted, and Paxton gave her a long look that Devi didn't understand.

"We took a break" he told Rebecca and she nodded, not believing him.

"Break" she chuckled, moving away from the two, entering the house.

Devi couldn't stop her smile and stood up too.

"She's right, we need to study" said Devi, and they both moved into the garage again.

Devi continued to lick her Popsicle, but Paxton was too slow and continued to drizzle green drops on his book, not paying attention until there was just a stick in his hand.

"Oh shit” he said, trying to wipe the drops with no success.

"Yeah, that's ruined" said Devi, who had already finished her Popsicle, not making a mess at all. She picked up his book and put it in the sun.

When she sat down again Paxton got closer, which is the logical thing to do, now they are only have one book, but Devi couldn't help but blush as she sat down.

Devi could smell Paxton and his hand continued to touch her hand accidentally, his knee touching her leg nonstop. Devi managed to concentrate for a while, but when Paxton leaned back and put the book on his lap, leaning it against the table, she had to do the same to see the book, so she leaned back and now their hands were pressed together. Devi passed a few more pages like this but when Paxton stretched his hands behind his head she lost it for a second, and then with his left hand above her shoulder she found it difficult to keep a straight face.

"All good?" He asked her and his hand touched her shoulder. Devi nodded and did her best to concentrate again.

Paxton didn't think it was what he would do, the 'Yawn-And-Put-The-Arm-Over-The-Shoulder' move, it was sleezy, but he couldn't stop thinking about their short break in the sun, where they sat in silence and he was the happiest person in the world for twenty minutes. He felt so complete when he sat next to her, as if they were in the right place in their lives, as if that how it should be forever. That wholesome feeling couldn't get out of his mind and he wanted to come closer to her again, letting her know that he could be there for her, that he was the right person for her. Devi looked frightened now, and he wondered if he had crossed the lines again. She said nothing had happened, but last night's conversation was in the minds of both of them even when they didn't want it. Paxton pulled his hand and turned his body toward her, so that they didn't touch now.

Devi seemed to be back, and Paxton was able to concentrate on what she taught him for another hour.

As the sun began to set, he could see the words spinning in the book.

"That's it, ha?" She asked and he nodded to her shamefully, leaning his head on the sofa next to him, looking tired than ever.

"You managed to survive more than I thought," she said and leaned aside, looking at the boy in front of her.

This time, too, he did not waste a moment and filled the room with music, but this time he did not get up. He continued to sit there, looking at her.

"There is a competition on Monday" he told her and she looked at him finally.

"yes I heard!" She told him with a big, excited smile.

"Will you be there?" He asked her and Devi wanted to believe she heard hope in his voice.

"Sure" she told him and Paxton was smiling now. His hand found a strand of her hair and began to play with it, wrapping it around his finger.

Devi was silent. She wanted to let him play with her hair, she wanted him to get a little closer to her and talk to her in that quiet voice more, but all she did was keep looking at the finger.

Paxton wanted to kiss her again and slowly moved his body closer to her. He could smell her shampoo and the scent of laundry detergent rising from her.

Paxton placed his right hand on her waist and she was getting close to him now, just a little.

Devi was really close to him now, and if he kissed her now - she will be all for it, she wanted to feel his lips again against her.

And Paxton was ready to do it, he was getting close to her now and they were already closing their eyes, but Devi's cellphone had an alert and the spell was broken. Devi was moving away now.

"Shit, seven o'clock," she said, standing up, gathering her things quickly.

"I have to work on the garden, my mother will kill me," she said, not stopping for a moment, her mind jumping from place to place.

"Yeah, sure, you need a ride?" He asked her and grabbed his keys.

"No," she said, and hurried out of the garage.

_And the thrill of the chase moves in mysterious ways_   
_So in case, I'm mistaken, I_   
_Just wanna hear you say,_   
_"You got me, baby Are you mine?"_   
_She's a silver lining_   
_Lone ranger riding through an open space_   
_In my mind when she's not right there beside me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FKJ- Skyline  
> Arctic monkeys - R U Mine  
> -  
> hope you liked this one!   
> love to see your comments, thank you so much!!


	5. Chapter 5- Devi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this Chapter has two parts.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Devi POV, hope you will like it.  
> Part 2 will be up by Friday

Devi spent her Sunday in the garden. Last night she started working on it, and then dinner came and Nalini let it go IF Devi promised to do it the next day.

So Devi was wearing the apron now and at first she just wanted to clear the area from the dead plants, but she found that the tomato plant had grown some green leaves and that the basil had come out of its winter hibernation, so now she was working vigorously, uprooting dead plants and loosening the soil.

The hard work managed to drain Devi's mind, and for a good few hours she's not thinking about Paxton, Ben, Fab, Eleanor, nobody. Devi worked and sweated and moved nonstop, extending her work to the entire garden and watering the plants that seemed to need it, plucking dead weeds and spraying infected plants.

"Wow Devi, it looks so good," said Kamala, who appeared in front of her with a glass of cold lemonade.

Devi dropped the shovel and grabbed the glass, sipping it quickly. She didn't know that she was so thirsty until the liquid touched her lips, and now she felt the sun on her, so she moved to the shady edge of the yard, sitting on the bench.

"Auntie can't believe you uprooted the dead roses" said Kamala, and Devi let out a laugh.

"Wait till she hears I found out that the thyme is still alive" Devi smiled and played with the glass.

"Is everything OK, Devi?" Kamala asked and Devi looked up at her, wondering if she could open up to Kamala.

"How did you know you loved Steve?" Devi asked after a few seconds of deliberation.

Kamala shook her head.

"I didn't love Steve" she replied and Devi looked down.

"So how do you know you love Prashant?" She asked and Kamala shook her head again.

"I don't love Prashant yet" Kamala said, but didn't stop this time. "I think I never loved - loved someone, I didn't know anyone long enough," she said, and Devi felt it was wrong. Love is not about knowing, it's about feeling.

Right?

"I need to know someone to love him?" Devi asked and Kamala didn't answer that for a long time.

"I still don't really understand anything about it, but I think that when you love someone ... you want to be with him all the time, and talk to him, and you love him despite the flaws," Kamala said, and Devi let the glass down now, letting the words fill her head.

She wanted to be near Paxton all the time and listen to him and kiss him, she wanted to see him from the moment she wake up to the moment she go to bed, and she didn't even care that he wasn't the smartest one or that he was so experienced with girls - to her it made Paxton better.

"And how did you know you didn't like Steve?" Devi asked and Kamala looked at her now.

"He wasn't right for me," Kamala told her, gaining a impatient look from Devi. “Steve is a great guy, but he wasn't ready to open his mind and accept other traditions. He is the kind of person who thinks they are progressive, but sure that that is the only way” She continued, and Devi nodded to her, but Kamala couldn't stop, she seemed to be getting angry about it. "He was sure things would happen his way, all the time, no matter what I know or believe in" she continued, and Devi put a hand on her.

"Got ya" Devi said, standing up, picking up the shovel. "Tanks for the lemonade" she told her, returning to her work.

"Lunch in 30 minutes, Auntie wants you to shower before" Kamala told her before she left.

Devi knew she would soon have to finish working in the garden, and, frankly, there wasn't much work left. Then she finished the herbs patch and got into a cold shower.

All the while, Kamala's words echoed in Devi's mind. She thought of Ben, with whom she had entered into the fastest relationship ever, and he was so sure she would not move to India without doubting it, as if he didn't met Nalini, and she thought about the fact that even when she was drunk she couldn't have sex with Ben and felt as if her senses shouted at her **NO NO NO!** Then she thought of Paxton, that she felt so safe and ... complete with him. She wanted to kiss and listen and talk to Paxton all day. She wanted him to just sit next to her, like yesterday, and they both would listen to music together.

Devi knew what she needed to do, but she seriously never thought she would do it so soon in her life.

 _'Can you meet me in an hour?'_ She sent Ben before sitting down at the dinner table for lunch.

"Devi, good job at the garden," Nalini said with a big smile. She felt a significant improvement in her daughter's attitude. She could talk to her and understand her, and she knows it was a joint effort by both of them but Nalini was so pleased. Her daughter was going through some hard times but Devi shared and she listened and hugged when needed, and Nalini never felt closer to her daughter.

"Thanks Mom" Devi said, taking another bite.

"And well done for Helping students like Paxton in school," said Nalini, and Devi choked.

"what? No, I'm not— ” Devi started and paused. If Nalini says, she knows. Devi looked at Kamala with a blaming look, but actually Kamala didn't know it either.

"Who told you?" She asked, and Nalini smiled.

"He was here the other day and returned your blue jacket from Target," said Nalini, and Devi didn't believe Paxton once again told her things he didn't need. "And it turns out I know his parents" Nalini continued, and Devi curved her eyebrows.

"So he told you?" Devi asked, wondering why he hadn't told her about it.

"No, his mom told me when I reconnected her" she answered and Devi couldn't believe how bad her luck could be.

"Are you mad at me?" Devi asked and knew the answer already.

"No," Nalini told her simply.

You know nothing, Devi Vishwakumar.

"He's a good kid, and It's OK to help him with classes, but like I've told you a million times," Nalini said, and Devi smiled.

"No boys until I am old enough to rent a car," said the whole three together, repeating the sentence Devi heard every day of her life.

"New York allow to rent a car from the age of 18," Devi said after a few seconds, and Nalini gave her a threatening look.

"You're not in New York, so watch it" Nalini told her, and Devi shook her head in disapproval, but smiled.

It doesn't matter, Mom will never find out about that part of her life, or the love triangle she is in.

 **OH SHIT** Devi living in a teen TV show.

\----------

Ben stopped at Devi's after lunch and was ready to fix his relationship, after trying to have sex with her, he wanted to repair the impression he created. He wanted to show her that he loved her, for real, and that he was attracted to her and that she had no reason to be afraid when he is there.

So when she sat next to him, Ben didn't wait for long and kissed her. He kissed her for a long time, stroked her hair and pinned her to him, and she kissed back, holding his neck. When Ben had to breathe, he moved away just a little, looking at her face carefully. Devi seemed to be looking for something in his face, and Ben wanted to answer the questions he thought she had, and continued to kiss her for a while.

"Ben" Devi said. "We need to talk" she whispered to him.

"Everything is okay?" He asked her and Devi nodded. "Can we drive somewhere?" He asked him, and now she nodded again.

Ben has seen enough movies and TV shows to know that 'We need to talk' usually ends badly. He moved away from her slowly, examining her face again. She couldn't find her answers in his kisses. 

Ben sweated and tried to wipe his hands on his pants when he stopped in the playground. He knows exactly what she is going to say, he has never heard it before, but he has seen her face and it's enough. Devi was silent all the way there and Ben could feel her words coming before she said them, he could hear the whisperers that will come later.

"How was tennis trai-" Devi began to ask and Ben couldn't anymore.

"Don't break up with me" he almost shouted at her.

Oh shit.

"I'm sorry, Ben" Devi told him and turned to him. "I didn't want it to happen like that but everything was so fast and we were together for just a week and I ..." she continued, searching for words without success. She never thought she will do it, and seriously thought she would experience getting dumped before breaking up with someone. Devi has never seen a normal breakup, it's always dramatic and fast in the shows she watch and she doesn't know what to say, especially when a big lump of tears got stuck in her throat.

"I'm sorry" Devi whispered to him and Ben couldn't say anything now.

He was Devi Vishwakumar biggest enemy, competing for years for first place in all the activities. He has been pushing her and arguing with her non-stop ever since he remembers himself and enjoys every time he outrun her. But now, Ben was fascinated by Devi. He felt she was right for him, she challenged and smarted him, and they were a good couple. Ben really believed they were a good couple, because, who didn't like the 'Enemies to Lovers' story-line.

Devi probably didn't loved this story-line.

"Is it because of Paxton?" Asked her Ben after a few minutes of silence. He knew that Paxton Hall Yoshida had ruined the thing Ben was trying to build. She met him all the time and he knows she still thinks about him. He knows that the motherfucking-nice-guy-copycat athlete wanted something and got it, like he always do.

"No," she whispered to him, "it's not because of him. We're not matching, Ben, it's us” She told him, and he heard the tears in her voice. And Ben prayed that she would not cry, if Devi cry, Ben would cry too.

"We're good together, Devi, look at us!" He told her and put a hand on her leg. "We know each other since we were kids and at first I thought we were enemies but we challenge each other" Ben said and continued to fight the tears. "We're better together," he finally whispered and Devi shook her head.

“No, Ben. We hardly know each other because we didn't really talk before this month, ” she told him, and he moved his hand away from her. "We're really do challenging each other," she added, wishing Ben didn't had a spark of hope. "But it don't feel what it should feel like," Devi told him.

"Devi" he told her quietly and she knew he had finished arguing.

"I'm sorry" Devi whispered again and he stayed silent.

They drove quietly to her house again, not talking at all until the car stopped. Ben's grip at the steering wheel didn't got loose for a second.

"I know it sounds corny and that's not what you've ever want to hear" she told him, and Ben once again knew what she was going to say. "I hope you will forgive me, Ben, and I hope we will be friends after that" Devi said, and left the car.

Ben drove away, in what Nalini could see from the window, way up the speed-limit.

\--------------------

When Devi sent a message to Fab and Eleanor that she needed to see them RIGHT NOW, she did not expect them to arrive in 4.5 minutes. The trio were now sitting in the back garden that Devi had been working on all day, enjoying the warm evening.

"So?" Eleanor asked, impatient. Devi send them a message asking them to arrive ASAP and Eleanor thought she would start with the news.

“The basil still alive and I managed to save one rose bush!” Devi said with fake excitement and tried to avoid what she actually have to say. 

“Devi!” both Fab and Eleanor yelled at her.

Devi was thinking how to say it. She knows that Eleanor and Fab love Ben and totally team Ben, but she doesn't have the ability to lie to her best friends anymore, even if it means they won't talk to her anymore because they prefer her with Ben.

“Ben and I broke up" she said and her friends opened their mouths in shock. After a few seconds of silence Devi couldn't take it no more, "I'm sorry and I know you wanted me to be with him but I didn't-" Eleanor stopped her with her hand.

"You shouldn't be sorry," Fab told her, and Devi paused.

"Why are you sorry?" Eleanor didn't understand.

"Aren't you mad at me?" Devi asked and hope returned to her eyes.

"Mad?" Eleanor doesn't seem to understand a word of what Devi is saying.

"Dev, this is your decision. And if you want to do something, we support you all the way" Fab said and Devi started breathing again.

"Don't you prefer him, now, because he's funny and has a big house?" Devi didn't understand. She was sure that her friends loved Ben more Then she ever did.

"We became Ben's friends just because you dated him" Fab said, realizing it sounded a bit mean. "At first, we are his friends now, but we are your Besties before everything" she continued and Eleanor nodded vigorously.

"And you're still my friend if I don't have a boyfriend even if you guys are in an amazing relationships?" Devi asked, and the two was hitting her shoulder, one on each side.

"We” Eleanor empathized, “Are best friends, before everything" Eleanor repeated Fab's remarks.

"Oh, you guys" she said with relief and the three hugged.

Devi was back to breathing normally now and when the three broke away from the hug, she smiled.

"so what happened?" Eleanor asked after a few seconds.

Devi couldn't lie or shorten the truth anymore, so she told them all the details of why and how she did it. she told them about that night at Ben's, and the meeting with her doc earlier that day that led her to do so, she tells them about India, and how Ben reacted to it. Devi told them about the flight there in a week, and although the girls were angry that she hadn't told them before - they forgave her. Devi told them also about Paxton, and their study sessions and the conversations and the almost-kiss they shared yesterday. Devi said everything that bugged her head and Fab and Eleanor listened.

"I'm sorry" she said as she finished her talk sequence and Fab and Eleanor went for another strong hug.

"When is the flight?" Eleanor asked her, who still couldn't figure out why the Devi hadn't talked to them about it before. Were they such bad friends?

“Next Thursday. Nalini keep's saying it's only for two weeks and we will comes back here, but I can't believe her” Devi replied.

"Where are you gonna be?" Fab wondered.

"With our uncles, they have a huge mansion in Mumbai and an infinity pool" Devi told them. The house was beautiful six-story mansion with a home theater, salon and seventeen bedrooms, bathroom included in each room.

"Oh shit, you're going to live in a celebrity house," said Eleanor, leaning back, trying to figure out the size of the news.

"You're not going to live there, you're going to a vacation there" Fab corrected her friend and Devi appreciated that.

"Yes I will be taking photos all day like Mariah Carey" Devi laughed for a moment. "I don't want to move to India forever," Devi said quietly and her friends put a supportive hand on her shoulders.

"Nalini will change her mind," said Fab, and then remembered that she knew Nalini. "I hope" she said after a few seconds.

"And you know that you will be here by 19 because you have to go to Princeton," Eleanor tried to encourage her.

"If I don't get married by then," Devi said to her.

"And even then," Eleanor insisted, which was true. Devi knew she would be returning to the US to study at Princeton, whatever happened. Her mother wants her to go to the best university and she won't settle for anything less Than Princeton.

"It's true," Devi said finally, receiving encouragement squeeze from her friends hands.

"So ..." Eleanor began, and Fab shared a look with her, smiling.

"Paxton" finished Fab. Devi couldn't resist a little smile that sneaked into her face.

"Paxton" repeated Devi with a smile and didn't know what else they wanted to know. She told them everything she could a few minutes ago.

"Are you going to date him now that you're single?" Eleanor asked. Devi was thinking about it now, not knowing what to say.

"Yes?" Devi wasn't sure. "I think so," she said at last, and Fab and Eleanor made sounds of excitement.

"I can't believe you're going out with Paxton Hall Yoshida," said Fab in awe. She may not be attracted to mans, but she can't ignore the fact that he looks like a Greek god.

"Neither am I." Devi smiled. If someone had told her two years ago that she will date Paxton Hall Yoshida, she would have laughed at him and called him a loser. "He's so ... dreamy," said Devi, and the girls next to her laughed out loud.

"Are you going to the swimming regions tomorrow?" Eleanor asked her, hoping her friend would get there as 'Paxton Hall Yoshida's girlfriend'.

"Yes, he invited me yesterday" Devi replied, unable to hide her smile. "Am I supposed to come to cheer him?" She asked after a second, her eyebrows curving. "I mean, as his girlfriend?" Devi was overwhelmed. She don't have to wear colors of the team or something, right? Devi didn't know how his girlfriends were cheering him and she never thought she will date the captain of the swimming team.

"I do not know?" Fab seemed to be pondering the question, and Eleanor also seemed clueless.

"Maybe talk to him before?" Eleanor asked, not sure.

"Does he know that you've broke up with Ben already?" Fab raised the question and Devi hadn't thought of it until that moment.

"No ... I'll talk to him tomorrow at school" Devi finally answered. Okay, yes, that makes sense.

"Holly shit you are going to the Hot Pocket again" Fab suddenly realized. She didn't get the fact that her Indian girlfriend, the one who plays a harp in the school orchestra, is becoming more and more popular.

"Shit" Devi said, and she also didn't believe it. Devi never believed she would enter this 'Superstar's girlfriend' spot. She didn't believe she had a place in this world. Obviously, she had always tried to be popular, but that's the highest level of popularity. This is the highest place she could reach on the popularity ladder, sitting next to Paxton. She didn't think people who played the harp and in the Chinese club had a place in Paxton's world.

Eleanor and Fab went back home after half an hour of the two continued to talk about Devi's growing popularity and India and what to do with Ben now, and Devi in response told them that she lives for the glamour, that she hates India, and that they should not stop talking to him now, Devi will even take a step back so he won't feel so alone. She knew that Ben enjoyed the feeling of being in a group, and as long as Eleanor and Fab assured her that they were first of all her friends, they should continue to hang out with Ben for a while. Devi will be fine alone for a few days, that's cool. Besides, She will live in India forever in 3 weeks so it doesn't matter if she have friends. 

Devi stayed in the yard for a few more minutes, listening to music played from the portable speaker she turned on so Nalini wouldn't hear what she was telling the girls. She couldn't help but think of the last hours that was filled of weeping and sadness. She wanted to take back the first kiss she shared with Ben so it wouldn't hurt her so much to break up with him, she wanted to erase the picture of his tears from her head, Devi wished he would one day forgive her for the horrible thing she had done to him. He ended thing with Shira for her, and now she dumped him like she had any right to dump anyone in the first place. Devi closed her eyes and all the good feelings she had when Fab and Eleanor ware here are gone now and she felt the pain grow inside her chest. Devi wrapped herself in both hands and closed her eyes.

_Tryna fit your hand inside of mine_

_When we know it just don't belong_

_There's no force on earth_

_Could make it feel right, no_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James Bay - Let It Go.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsPq9mzFNGY
> 
> Next episode will be up at Friday.
> 
> Hope you like this one, cause shit will go down now.  
> love to see your comments, it makes my day!


	6. Chapter 5- Paxton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened right after the almost-kiss from Paxton POV

After Devi hurriedly left his garage after he tried to kiss her, Paxton couldn't stop thinking about it and couldn't made up his mind. On the one hand, he wanted it, God damn, he wanted it and he was angry at himself for not doing it. Constantly misses such good opportunities. He could have kissed her every time she gave him a lesson and each time she was in his car, but he didn't do it because he has fucking morals. Who need them. Overrated.

And on the other hand, he was angry with Devi. They had a great flirt, and he kissed her, fucking HE kissed her, and she just goes into a relationship with Ben Freaking Gross? No, out of the line. Paxton didn't want to let the rage on Devi get over him, but Hell, why would she do that. Those two were the biggest enemies in the world and here goes Devi, starting something with someone like that. Why she would do it to herself, seriously. Paxton couldn't believe that by the time Rebecca was able put some sense in his stubborn mind, Devi had chosen someone else.

Someone who is not Paxton Hall Yoshida.

Paxton didn't had too long to grapple with the question because Trent and Marcus broke into the garage at some point.

"Man, pool party, my place, tomorrow, you coming?" Marcus asked him as he opened himself a beer.

"Sure" Paxton said, taking the beer Trent gave him. From his own fridge. "But I'm off pretty early, the race is at Monday after school, I have to sleep really good before" he made it clear and Trent let out a smirk.

"Yes, sure, man," Trent told him, nodding, activating Paxton's Xbox.

"The main thing is that you will come, dude. You look not so good lately," Marcus told him, lifting the second controller.

"Yeah, like you're... sad about something" Trent tried to explain.

"I'm not in my best game," Paxton said, sipping the cold beer.

"I'm telling you, come to the party, free your mind a little, release your body" Trent said, and Paxton had a little smile on his face.

“Release someone else's body" Marcus said with an implying tone, and Paxton couldn't help but laugh.

"You know I'm ready" Paxton answered them and watched their game.

Paxton has not been with anyone for a long time. He ghosted Zoe until she gave up. The whole week he told himself that it was because he had a competition coming soon, and that he had to have his head in the game, but he knew it wasn't because of it. He never stopped himself before competitions, and to be honest, he always got a girl in the pre-competition parties. Paxton hasn't been with anyone lately because he doesn't stop thinking about the Indian girl that kept running in his mind.

Paxton has been in relationships before, because, how hasn't. He can say he had feelings for at least one of his exes. But all those relationships were short and all the girls was basically the same thing, different name. He was never a real friend with his girlfriends, never opened up before them and they never opened up to him.

"But seriously, all good with you, bro?" Trent asked him after a few minutes of kicking Marcus's player.

Paxton smiled at him. Trent may have been first-rate stoner, not the sharpest pencil in any pencil case, and terribly slow, but he was a good friend. He and Marcus took care of Paxton when he needed to, and were always nice to Rebecca. They were loyal and funny, so Paxton enjoyed spending time with them.

"Yes, man. all good" Paxton said and he didn't lie. Everything is good, he wasn't freaking out or anything. He is Paxton Hall Yoshida who knows how to keep his cool when he needs to.

And as the two go, after Marcus had 2 more beers and Trent kept kicking his ass for 8 more games, Paxton knows what his next steps will be.

Paxton plans to go to Devi and ask her what she going to do, because she can't play him for much longer. He needed to know if it's going to happen or not, because he can't continue to hope, and she can't continue to push this mixed signals to him. She can't text him when she drunk and say things that make him feel everything but the fact she have a boyfriend. She can't sit so close to him and close her eyes for a kiss, but then run away like the wind from him. Devi gave him the possibility and he intends to seize his opportunity.

When Paxton lies in the dark room trying to sleep, he can't escape his thoughts.

\---------

"You woke up pretty early for a Sunday, don't you think?" Paxton's mom asks as he enters the kitchen and pours himself orange juice.

"I didn't sleep that well so I went for a run" he replied, sitting down beside her, looking at the newspaper she was reading.

"What happened?" She asked him, placing a loving hand on his shoulder. His mother always knew what he was feeling, even when he didn't tell her. That was the power of the Hall Yoshida's girls, apparently. But Paxton didn't always want to share, because that's who he is. He is not always talk about everything and explains every feeling, he didn't try too hard to make himself clear. He wanted to believe that the one who needed to, understood him. 

“I got a lot on my mind" he told her, trying to avoid meeting her eyes.

"Is it about Nalini's daughter who visited here yesterday?" His mother asked and Paxton didn't understand why he thought he would get away with it.

"Yes, but you can not tell her mother," he warned her, "It's enough that I heard you tell her she teaches me" Paxton looked so serious, and she smiled at him.

"I won't say anything to Nalini, I promise," She told him.

"Devi has a boyfriend and I -" he began and his mother interrupted him.

"Nalini and Mohan's daughter has a boyfriend?" She asked, slightly stunned. She knew Nalini good, long time ago, but the distance between the couples and work, and children, and life in general made it difficult to stay in touch. She knew Nalini was very strict, and she always warned her - kids for tough parents learn to lie better.

Paxton shook his head, "I can't tell you anything," he said, walking away with his glass of orange juice while she said her apologies.

Paxton doesn't usually do that, he doesn't like talking about his problems, but it's a problem with girls, one girl, actually, and he knows himself. He never cared enough to ask what to do in these situations, and he knew he will chicken out and play it cool for longer than he need to, and he will miss the opportunity, that didn't really existed. So he waits for Rebecca to wake up, and after she sits down next to him in front of the TV, a chocolate muffin in her hand, he straightened up.

"Good morning lovely sister, have you slept well?" He tells her in a formal tone and she smiles at him, can't help it. From the moment she remembers herself he was her best friend, listening to her and caring for her, Paxton was the perfect big brother.

"I slept great, dear brother, how did you sleep?" She told him the exact voice. Paxton lets out a laugh and gets serious.

"I almost kissed Devi yesterday and she still has a boyfriend but she wanted it, she was INTO it" he said and Rebecca sighed. When will those two be together already?

"And I'm going to talk with her today. It's either she break up with Gross or we can't hang out any more," Paxton said. He was really hoping Rebecca would be by his side.

"Oh, Hell no" Rebecca said loudly.

Does that mean she is not on his side?

"You're not going to Devi and state her an ultimatum" she told him and Paxton wouldn't use a scary word like "ultimatum" but okay.

"So what do I do?" He asked, sounding discouraged. Everyday, all day, he keeps thinking about what would have happened if she had answered his call that day, if he hadn't been so offended from her mother after their kiss, what this week would have looked like if Devi was by his side. "I can't keep thinking about it all day, Rebecca," he added, looking at his sister now. "I have a life and I have to go back to them” Paxton said and Rebecca sighed.

"Talk to her. Don't put an ultimatum, tell her how you feel" Rebecca suggested, biting her chocolate muffin at last.

"She has a boyfriend, I can't be the ass who steals the girl" he told her, and in return he got a giggle.

"You tried to kiss her yesterday, I think it's too late" Rebecca pointed out. Right, as always. "Talk, don't put dumb ultimatums" she added, and Paxton stared at the television now.

"Why does it have to be so difficult?" Paxton asked, leaning his head against Rebecca's shoulder.

"It's not difficult, it's complicated, and will be like this only at the beginning" she told him quietly.

Most of the time Paxton was the caring, knowing, protective one, but the moments Rebecca took the role, those were his best memories, even if he will never admit it.

Paxton watch cartoons with his sister and then took a quick shower.

"I'm gonna get my girl and then take her to a pool party" Paxton said to Rebecca, full of hope, after they finished lunch.

"Go get her" she replied as he left the house.

Paxton went directly to Devi, but Paxton's knees got weak when he saw the house from afar. He stayed in the car and looked at the door for a long time, wanting her to come out and notice him so he wouldn't have to knock on that door and try to explain to Nalini why he was there. He didn't know what he was going to say yet, so he was sure he couldn't come up with a lie to tell Dr. Vishwakumar about what he's doing there.

He sat there for about twenty minutes, talking to himself and arranging the points he wanted to say to her, like, 1. He was interested in her and wanted her 2. She wants him too, therefor - yesterday. 3. He thinks he's a better fit for Devi, and will never disrespect her.

So when Devi got out of the house he straightens in his chair, preparing himself.

Who would have thought Paxton Hall Yoshida would be so tense because of Devi Vishwakumar.

A white vehicle arrived and Paxton identified the car. Ben fucking Gross.

Paxton's eyes narrowed, watching what was happening. Devi sat down next to him and Ben kissed her for a long time. Like, for a long time. Paxton saw 2 vehicles passing slowly and the couple was still kissing.

The anger reached him quickly this time and he drives away without thinking twice.

He knows he's not supposed to drive when he is that angry, but he has to keep himself busy. She just keeps playing with him, almost kissing him one day and the next day she and Ben are the best couple in town again? He couldn't believe he had fallen for her games. Who plays people like that? He should have seen it coming.

Paxton take a deep breath when he stops at a traffic light.

He wouldn't let it knock him down. Paxton Hall Yoshida doesn't lose his cool. He almost fell into her trap, but no more. No, not anymore. He's going to forget all about Devi, the history lessons, the kiss, the talks the everything. He didn't care that she was the funniest girl he'd ever met, and he didn't care that she was so honest and her hair smelled like flowers, he didn't care that she was the first girl that Rebecca liked, he didn't care. It's his life, and he's Paxton Hall Fucking Yoshida, and he's not going to fall for cheap, 10th-grade, childish games.

Paxton stops outside Marcus's house and goes in quickly, takes off his shirt and tosses his cellphone to one of the couches while walking to the pool. He doesn't stop for a moment and jumps into the water.

Oh yes.

When Paxton was a kid, he had so many energies, not the good kind that make children run like crazy. He had so much anger inside him, anger and rage over everyone who spoke wrong to Rebecca, all those people he thought were his friends until they bullied Rebecca, all those who looked at him wrong, anger over himself, anger over everyone, he was shouting at people every day and was expelled from school twice because he had to protect Rebecca with his fists. But then his father enrolled him to swimming lessons and Paxton found his escape. The energies channeled to swimming and he learned to control his anger like he control his breath, and that he can find other ways to protect Rebecca.

So when Paxton is swimming now he doesn't notice the loud music in the background, he doesn't see the people dancing in swimsuits or the amounts of alcohol that was around him even though his eyes are open. Paxton's brain is free of distractions when he's in the water and he thinks he didn't believe he almost let that happen.

"Paxton, my man" he heard and then felt a strong punch in the shoulder. His eyes focused and found Trent standing in the pool.

"Sup" Paxton said briefly and sat down on the edge of the pool.

"So, Leslie has asked about you four times already if you want to check the issue," Trent told him and sat next to him. Paxton examined the crowd for the first time, and Leslie was with Shira and Carly, posing by the pool. Leslie wore a glowing pink bikini, which was a bit painful to Paxton's eyes, but her body was sculpted and beautiful, so he agreed to hurt his eyes for a bit longer.

"Interesting" is all that Paxton said before standing up and going to Leslie.

"Hey, Paxton" she said as he stood next to them. Leslie forgot about her friends and all she could see now was shirtless Paxton Hall Yoshida.

"Want to go somewhere quiet?" He asked her and that was all she needed to follow him. Paxton needed this now, emptying his head, having sex, thinking for a second about someone she wasn't Dev-

No, he will not think of her now.

When Paxton led her into the sun room at Marcus's huge house, she grabbed his hand and giggled all the way, but Paxton isn't a big fan of giggles, so he kisses her as soon as they reach the room, silencing her relentless voice.

Leslie grabs him and sat him next to her, on the wicker couch in the room full of plants. She let her hand go all over his tight body and Paxton grabs her hips, making her lie down on the couch. 

But he can't do it.

Paxton couldn't have sex with her. He couldn't, his mind didn't give him. not that he had any problems with his... _commander in chief_ , but he couldn't do the act of sex. So Paxton sit and continue to kiss her, and while Leslie sucked him, his self control was on zero, he was rough and angry, his mind kept going to Devi and when he come, he thought about their kiss.

Oh shit he have a beautiful girl on his side, with body to die for and a face that will be on magazine's covers one day, he didn't wanted to think about that, or _her_. Paxton heart was pounding, from the moment he left his car to the moment he kissed Leslie for the first time, only 10 minutes past and he felt his blood boiling in his veins, anger and rage still in his mind.

Paxton wears his pants without delay and kiss Leslie again, groping her ass.

"Are we good?" Marcus asked him when he walked out of the quiet room to the loud music, hand still around Leslie.

"We are so good" Paxton shouts, with his heart still pounding and veins filled with anger, pushing Marcus to the yard.

Paxton danced for a long time, jumping and raving with all his boys from the Hot Pocket and dancing slowly and sexy with Leslie, moving his hips to the music. He shut his brain up for that whole time, and all he did was dance, and sing the words, and push people to the pool, especially girls. Paxton is himself again. He feels good.

As the sun sets, he decides he really is himself, and leaves the party to sleep early. The race is tomorrow, and he is tired as if he has been training all day. He drives back to his house and when he park the car he sees Rebecca waiting for him.

Oh shit.

"Rebecca" he tells her when he's close enough to her and she looks so hopeful.

"You did it?" Rebecca asked him and he shook his head.

"No, she's with Ben and that's it” Paxton said, and he felt the pain when he said it.

Rebecca hugs him tight for a long time and pet his back. 

“I'm sorry” she told him and Rebbaca could feel her shirt gets wet, she didn't know if it was from his hair or he was legit crying.

Paxton tighten the hug for a moment and then goes inside.

Paxton can get angry for a long time, he can curse and scream, he can fuck girls and dance forever, but he can't ignore the fact that it hurts him. He just wanted to be with someone he liked. Why does it have to be so hard all the time?

He showered and went to bed, filled with the feeling that he had missed something good without even trying.

\------------------

Paxton's head stayed in the zone for the whole day. He didn't let the look of Devi in the school hallways distract him. Paxton went with Leslie wherever he could, using her as a warning sign for Devi. 'Don't you dare come near me, I'm not part of your game anymore'.

He kissed Leslie on breaks and she gave him amazing back massage before the end of the day, and Paxton knew she will be sitting in the balcony to cheer him.

The pain and anger didn't disappeared, Paxton just knew how to hide things like that. He tried not to think of Devi all day, but when he was in the dressing room and doing breathing exercises with the coach he couldn't help but wonder if she was there. He asked her to come, so he could see her hoping for him and happy for him, but that was before today and now Paxton don't know if she will come. He still wanted her to come, he wanted to think she cared about him, but he would never say it out loud.

"There are two head hunters out there, one from UCLA and one from Princeton" Coach said to him and Paxton nodded. This race will affect his life and if he play his cards right, he can go to a good university. "Ready?" Asked the coach and his team made noise in response.

He's ready, he's going to ace it because he's Paxton Hall Yoshida.

Paxton came out of the locker room and examined the contestants. He could see the heeling joint of the Westwood guy and the multiple coaches, all talking to their teams. He was stressed, his heart beat fast and he told himself it was just the excitement of the game.

He took a deep breath and stretched in his place, waiting to enter the water already. He didn't want to talk to the family before the competition, Rebecca's sad face would throw him off. He look at them from afar and wave them, glad to see all three have arrived - are they four now?

Paxton focused on the faces and saw Devi sitting next to Rebecca, in a red shirt, like school colors. She talked to Rebecca, and all Paxton could see is her smile. Something calmed down inside him and he looked away. He needs to get on the jump line now.

He stretches for another moment and stands in the pose, waiting for the whistle.

Here it comes.

Paxton jumps into the water and swims fast, not letting the other contestants get in his mind and doing what he knows best - swimming.

In what feels to Paxton like two seconds, he have finished his way back and looked up from the water, checking the coach's response.

"Yes, Paxton, yes! That's what I'm talking about!" The coach screamed loudly over the commentator's voice. Paxton got out of the water and gasped when he heard the commentator shout his name.

"Paxton Hall Yoshida from Sherman Oaks is our first place with an amazing times of 44.8 and here Abel Davis from Bel Air Academy join him as second place in this set -" Paxton heard those words and a victory smile come to his face.

HELL YEAH.

He sat down in one of the chairs and continued to set his breath right, it was harder when there's a huge smile on his face.

When the rest of the team came out of the water he talked to each of his friends and hugged them tightly. He was proud of his team.

"I'm so proud of you, son," his father said as Paxton reached the stands after he dried himself. The chairs had already begun to empty, but most of the swimmers stayed to talk to their family.

"You were so good" Rebecca told him and his mother was suffocated with tears of excitement. He hugged them tightly.

"It's all thanks to you" Paxton told them as they broke away from the family hug.

His eye catches Devi, standing aside, like all the other friends from school, waiting to congratulate him.

Trent came first, banging on his back with a strong hand and Marcus after him, hugging him and lifting him off the ground with happiness.

"We're gonna have a party and the theme will be - Paxton Hall Yoshida. A living legend" His teammate Eddie told him, and he couldn't help but laugh.

"It'll be a good party," Paxton said with his eyebrows raised, laughing.

The boys were planing the party now, and after Leslie, Shira, and Carly greeted him and took a photo with him, Devi was the only one he didn't talked to yet.

The anger didn't fill his head yet and he could think clearly, as he usually does after swimming, and there's nothing he wanted more than to talk to her now. Not about them, not about Gross, and not about their lessons. He just wanted to talk to Devi and hear her happy for him, because he was so happy now, he couldn't think of anything else with the adrenaline that filled him.

He came over to her and she seemed so exited for him that he couldn't help but hug her tightly. He picked her up from the ground and spins her in the air, she screamed a little and laughed a lot when he did that and he felt the happiness inside.

"You are the Usain Bolt of swimming" she told him at last, gasping.

"That just Michael Phelps," Paxton said, and his smile didn't stop for a moment.

"Yes, that guy" Devi said, smiling again. "Seriously, you were so good" she added and Paxton put a hand on her shoulder, walking with her to the group of boys who were next to them.

"So there's a party today at Eddie's, you coming?" Paxton asked her and her smile went down.

"I can't, it's a school night” she told him.

"Coyote girl, you're coming," said Trent and Marcus nodded.

"The best parties are when you're there," Marcus added, and Devi laughed.

"Yeah you mean wildest parties” Trent said to him. 

“I'll try, but I promise nothing" Devi finally said and Paxton knew it was up to Nalini.

Paxton also knew that the adrenaline was starting to slowly drain away from him, and his head was starting to fill with thoughts and wonder again.

He lowered his hand from Devi and continued to talk to his friends about the race times as he watched her walk back slowly, no one else noticing.

Only after two hours the adrenaline was out of Paxton, and after returning from the dinner with his family, he stood in front of the mirror in his garage, music playing loud, clothes scattered everywhere. He has changed his shirt twice already, which is not something Paxton usually does.

He looked at himself and sighed.

It's not the shirt, Paxton just can't be happy now. He has just won the regional swimming competition, beat his own record, putting Sherman Oaks on the map and opening up great opportunities for college, but he doesn't settle for that. He wants more, he still doesn't feel complete, and he knows why.

Devi Fucking Vishwakumar.

_Why the hell would you run this game?_

_Both my hands are tied_

_Afraid of thinking I dug my own grave_

_Fuck around with this_

_Strange and elusive, too afraid to lose it_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK2-XuLByuQ  
> Anderson .Paak - Put Me Thru
> 
> -  
> So, I love this chapter. its important to say I've never been in a swimming competition and all i know was from TV show and YouTube competition i watched for this, don't judge if its not realistic... 
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting! I appreciate it so much.


	7. Chapter 6

Paxton finally decided on a green button shirt and drove to Eddie's house, ready to party. He tried hard not to remember all the things that could ruin his evening and as soon as he entered the house he run from place to place, helping with preparation.

"What's your playlist name?" Asked Marcus who connected the computer to the large speakers. Paxton took control of the keyboard and after a few seconds he heard his playlist playing loudly.

The doorbell rang and when Trent opened it, and returned with 4 party size sushi platters, Paxton eye rolls.

"Trent" he said out loud and couldn't help but laugh. "You ordered sushi because I'm half Japanese?" Paxton asked. Trent stopped for a moment and looked confused.

"Sushi IS Japanese, right?" Trent asked and Paxton laughed out loud.

"Yeah buddy" he said, patting Trent's back with a strong hand, going to the living room to see what was going on there.

Hands holding iPhone wrapped around him and he turned to check who it was.

"Leslie" he said and she planted a kiss on his lips. Paxton heard the door open and more and more people were coming now. Paxton pulled her into the kitchen and put her in front of him.

He can't do it.

Paxton can't be the dick that sleeps with a girl just to forget about someone, and he has to stop it as long as he can. Damn he and the education to values he got from his parents.

"Leslie, I can't do this to you" Paxton started and Leslie already took out her phone.

"So you don't want that to happen?" She asked, looking unbothered.

"No, it's not working" he told her simply, and Leslie nodded and opened the camera on her phone.

"last pic?" She asked, raising her hand. Paxton smiled for the picture and she winked at the camera.

"Cool" Leslie said and left.

Paxton shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. That was short and unnecessary and did not contribute to his life at all. Sometimes he wondered what his life would look like if he hadn't made impulsive decisions that, usually, driven by the brain that's between his legs.

He took a beer bottle from the fridge and opened it with his hands. He deserves one beer, he just won a race. Paxton went to the living room to start celebrating at last, but the look of Devi sitting on the couch, without Ben Gross, distracted him.

He didn't wanted to talk to her now, he remember the way she kissed Ben in that white car, stroking his hair and holding his neck. Paxton could punch him now, but Devi was there. And Paxton maybe thought he didn't want to talk to her, but his legs was moving toward her and he could feel his anger changing into pain.

"You seem to be having fun," Paxton said, sitting down next to her. She checked him for a moment and looked back. He followed her gaze and saw Fab, Devi's tall friend, dancing with her girlfriend. They looked so coordinated and Paxton want to feel like them one day.

"So much fun" she told him and a small smile came over Paxton's lips. He wondered where _he_ is. Paxton hadn't seen Ben in school either, Devi was walking only with her friends today, and now he's not here. Paxton wondered how long he had until Ben will appear.

"Ben didn't come with you?" He asked her, trying to sound as cool as possible.

"Ben and I broke up," Devi said. "Yesterday" she added after a few moments and Paxton looked at her now.

"Sorry to hear" he blurted out quickly. Yesterday. Yesterday. Paxton assumed it had happened a little after he seen them kissing near Devi's house and he felt so stupid now. He felt that he had wasted so much time being angry about Devi and blaming her, and she actually broke up with Gross. He could still feel the anger, not leaving his body, but he wasmuch more happy than angry. he felt like he just unloaded a big rock from his back. Paxton wasn't sorry to hear that, that wasn't true. He is so happy, he is glad to hear that she is not with this guy anymore, that he has no reason to be angry with her anymore, they finally have a chance.

“No, I'm not sorry," Paxton said after a few seconds. Devi was looking at him now. "But I hope you're fine," he added, and she smiled at him.

"I think I am," Devi said, and Paxton was happy to hear that. "Anyway, that's not what matters now," she said, and Paxton disagreed, he want to tell her that now was all that mattered, but she kept going. "You're a fricking star," she said, punching his shoulder.

Paxton laughed out loud, straightening in his sit.

"Want to dance with a star?" He asked and didn't wait for a moment, pulling her to the dance floor.

Paxton went into the groove and danced, his gaze accompanying Devi all along, and this party was different because Eleanor and Fab, who are usually considered 'nerds', danced freely near Devi, as if she was their source of security, and Paxton enjoyed watching Devi release, and damn, Devi got moves. He danced beside her and when Trent got closer to the group while a slow song played, Paxton gave him a threatening look, so Trent was surprised and walked away. Paxton didn't want to let anyone get close to her and ruin her moment, he wanted Devi to have fun like this forever, dance like that forever.

As she starts to walk to the side and gasp, he follows her.

"Oh SHIT it's way better than gym" Devi said, continuing to gasp. "I have to sit," she said before going to one of the close sofas, sitting down breathless.

Paxton didn't feel his lungs collapse like Devi, but he sat beside her and leaned back. His foot moved to the music and he put his palm on her back. He tried to equate it with some randomness by tapping on her back with his fingers, but Paxton could feel the tension built in them. She radiated heat and he had trouble keeping his hand there without wrapping her all.

“You good?" Paxton asked her quietly, close to her ear. He wants to plant a little kiss under her ear but dare not.

Devi nodded at him.

"Want to go breathe some air?" He asked, still close to her ear. Devi nodded to him again and he smiled and stood, grabbing her hand.

Paxton led her to the front yard, they sat down in the wicker chairs and all their little contact, touching leg, hand against hand, made him go crazy. He looked at Devi but her eyes kept popping from point to point, careful not to make eye-contact.

"Who knew you can dance, Vishwakumar" Paxton said and Devi smiled at him.

"Years of training in front of the mirror" she told him and her eyes focused on something.

"Ben?" Devi asked and Paxton cocked his head. Ben stood in front of them with a dirty gray shirt, messy hair. Paxton could smell the alcohol from his breath and he noticed the black circles around his eyes.

\-----------------------

It's not an easy day for Ben Gross.

Yesterday he got dumped by the first girl who really interested him, and this morning his dad found out he drank from the bourbon that Will Ferrell sent him so Ben expected the yelling.

Instead his father told him to not touch the presents he get from his clients.

Ben just got permission from the nurse that he could go home, because to a grade A student like Ben Gross, everyone believes, so he gets in his car and starts driving.

Ben is not sure where he is going, but he must stay away from this place. He has to go from here, get away from Devi and this whole school, all excited before the competition, and everyone who praises Paxton Hall Fucking Yoshida and everyone who knows him, because no one fucking cares.

Ben is tired of being so lonely all the time, he's tired of feeling like everyone's looking past him, he's there, Ben is there, why doesn't anyone see him? Ben doesn't understand when he got so bad at socializing, and if he was always so bad at it, so why no one taught him otherwise. Why he should learn on his own how to make friends, how to stay in touch with them, how to date a girl, and how to maintain the relationship. Ben Gross is an independent person, he sleeps in an empty house, he returns to an empty house. Ben can't remember the last time he felt he belonged without thinking of Devi, which is just painful.

Ben's mind is full of thoughts and he continues to drive until he finds himself at his friend's house, Brian Lakestone his 'Ride or Die', who moved to Norman High School but dropped off school a year ago. Brian has always been on the wild side of Ben's friends, arriving on his dad's motorcycle to school and having his first cigarette at Ben's Bar Mitzvah.

He got out of his car and looked at the neglected yard. Brian never had a lot of money, but his father owned a garage for years and managed to support his three sons with respect. Ben moved forward and knocked on the door, waiting for an answer. He hasn't been here for a long time, since he started to date Shira he lost touch with his friends, but they have still sent each other Instagram posts, and that's count as frienship.

"Ben Gross, you son of a bitch" said Brian who opened the door and pulled Ben into a tight hug. "How the things in the Valley" he asked him and Ben couldn't smile at him.

“I don't live in the Valley" Ben answered him and Brian crooked his face but let him enter the house. They sat down in the living room and Brian waited to hear why Ben was coming to him. Ben felt embarrassed, he hadn't been here for a long time and Brian looked different, leaner and rougher, Bryan moving his eyes from hear to there, not stopping. Ben no longer recognizes his friend and he wondered when he was here last time.

"How's Shira?" Brian asked. Ben looked away from the dark screen of the TV.

"I broke up with her. Then I dated someone else for a while" he said, and it felt strange to talk about Devi in the past tense. "And she broke up with me" Ben said quietly, not understanding the words he just said. He couldn't believe it had happened to him. He threw everything for her, and she jumped to someone else.

"I told you girls would be your downfall." Brian said and that's true. So Ben said nothing in response and turned on the TV, selecting an episode of Rick and Morty.

He tried to laugh for a long time, and although Snake Jazz usually blows his mind, he couldn't put a smile on his face. Ben never stopped thinking about the fact no one cares about him anymore. He has no friends who are interested in him, because just like he moved away from Brian, Brian moved away from him. His dad doesn't care, it goes without saying, all of Devi's friends are, in fact, DEVI's friends and he doesn't have a girl that care about him, that will be interested. He feels lost and insignificant, and the tears flood him when he realizes it.

"Hey Buddy" he hears Brian say and Ben wipes away the tears that ran from his eyes.

"I'm fine" Ben said quickly and Brian smirked.

"No you're not, you're crying in my living room, man," Brian said, and Ben took a deep breath.

"I tend to cry in places I don't need to cry in" he said, trying to get himself together.

He is fine. He is good. Ben is great.

"Devi broke up with me and she's the best thing that has happened to me in recent years because I didn't felt so alone all the time" Ben said quickly and now he could breathe easier, even though he had more tears on his face.

Brian handed him toilet paper and Ben cleaned his nose.

"I'm sorry, man, I don't know why I popped out like that" Ben tried to say in a confident voice, which he failed to deliver.

"Sorry to hear, man," Brian told him, pulling a tin box from under the coffee table in the living room.

He took out a pipe and white grains in a small bag. Ben didn't understand why Brian was taking drugs while Ben was crying to him in the living room.

"What are you doing?" Ben asked, examining Brian's actions. He stuffed material into the small bowl and lit it, inhaling the smoke nonstop. Brian was the first person that introduce Ben to the drug world, and was the first person that let Ben try weed, but Ben had never seen him do _that_.

"Sorry dude, I had to smoke something I couldn't concentrate on what you said" Brian said after a lot of smoke.

“In the middle of the living room?" Ben asked and never felt more stressed.

"My dad is in the garage till midnight, if not after" Brian doesn't seem to understand Ben's fear. “So you said something about Devi? The same Devi who beat you in fifth grade in a spelling contest?” He continued.

Ben couldn't get over the fact that Brian seemed calmer, he seemed confident and carefree in the moment, as if he could do anything.

Ben took this thought out of his mind, he will not smoke crack.

"Yes... Ibroke things with Shira so we could be together" Ben finally said and Brian nodded to him. "And I was happy, man, I was really happy," he added, and Brian nodded again.

"How long have you been together?" Brian asked. Ben looked embarrassed for a moment.

"A week" he said but did not stop, "But you know us, we were enemies from kindergarten and it was attraction ever since" Ben said and was surprised that Brian asks him questions so coherently, he did not know that one can do drugs and be so focused.

"You didn't cry because you broke up" Brian stated. Ben twisted his eyebrows and protested, but his friend stopped him. "You cried because it's the first time in a long time that someone cared about you" He went on and Ben didn't know that drugs could turn you into a bitchy psychologist either.

"thanks, that's first of all" Ben said, leaning back now. "But I'm fine, I have a great life, you forget it."

Brian shook his head.

"Seeing your mom and dad six times a month doesn't count as great, you know," Brian told him confidently.

"Yes at least my two parents are still at there" Ben tried to bite back but he knew Brian was right.

"Cheap shot," Brian said, smiling. “I'll tell you what we'll do. You will come with me now to the junkyard and we'll take two baseball bats and smash everything we can” he decided and Ben found no reason to object, so he agreed with a quick nod.

Ben drove to the junkyard outside the city and Brian provided a bag full of drinks. Ben heard glass bottles move inside the bag and for a moment thought if Brian was going to recycle bottles, but knew it was alcohol.

Brian jumped out of white car and within a second smashed a window of a rusty green vehicle, looking at Ben.

"Ready?" Ask Brian and Ben raised his bat.

"So ready" Ben answered and hit other window in the same vehicle. The window didn't shatter like the window Brian broke and Ben looked at it.

"Get out everything that's going on inside you, man," Brian shouted, smashing another window.

Ok. Okay, he'll do it.

Ben raised his bat again and shattered the window to small glittering pieces. He raised it up again and landed it on the front mirror, and his father's face went up in his mind, so the mirror flew away and made a big noise.

Oh that felt good.

"That's the shit!" Brian said and was full of energy, as was Ben. Ben smiled every time he smashed any glass, he laughed when he managed to bend metal and jumped as he threw bricks on the windows of rusted cars. Ben saw his dad give up on him and Devi breaking up with him in each hit, he thought about all the times his mom didn't know anything about him and those moments when he felt the loneliest person in the world, he was full of adrenaline and small pieces of glass that shot back at him and it made him feel so wild.

"Ben!" After a few hours, Ryan stopped smashing things and tried to read to Ben, who only noticed after a few shouts. Ben turned to him and gasped.

"What?" He said aloud, shielding his eyes from the setting sun.

Brian stood by Ben's car and raised his hand, showing him the bottles of beer he had brought with him.

"Good idea" Ben smiled and moved closer, taking the beer Brian had opened for him and sipping quickly.

"How do you feel?" Brian asked and Ben smiled at him.

"Strong" Ben laughed. Brian pulled out his pipe again and stuffed the bowl. He lighted it and inhaled, and Ben studied the process.

This time also, something seemed to move in Brian, an expression of pain wiped from his face and his eyebrows straightened, he seemed chilled and self-confident. And Ben just wanted to feel that way.

"What you smoking?" Ben asked, trying to show as casual as possible.

"Ice" Brian replied to him. Ben wondered if Ice was meth or crystal, or if the three of them were essentially the same, but he would never say it.

"Can I try?" He asked after a few minutes of sipping beer.

"I'm not sure, man, it's not like the weed I gave you back then" Brian said.

"I know. I'm a big boy, it's OK" Ben said, and if Brian didn't load the bowl with the white thing again, Ben would have stamp his leg.

"You do you" Brian said, passing the pipe to Ben.

Ben pressed his lips to the pipe's opening and grabbed it in one hand, with the other he lit the clipper. He inhaled the smoke and let a lot of smoke to go in him before he broke away from the pipe and tried to breathe. He tried smoking cannabis once and he coughed all the way, but Brian told him it was important to keep the smoke in to get the full benefits of Weed, so he did it now too. He wanted to get the full benefits of this thing that makes Brian become a leading car salesman.

"Long one" Brian said and Ben handed him the pipe.

Oh shit that's tough. 

Ben breathed as calm as he could, so he won't start coughing. Ben could feel the blood running inside him, he could smell the sweat and blood drops on his hands, his ears could hear everything, but he didn't hear nothing either, because his brain spun and became a whirlwind of big, screaming words that ran in his brain like chickens in a cage. Ben leaned on his car and tried to catch his breath, but he could also feel the wind in his hair and it mesmerized him, he couldn't do anything.

"Are you okay?" Brian asked and opened another beer. "This first one is always tough" he gave Ben another beer.

"Yeah, I'm great," Ben said, taking the cold beer. He sipped and enjoyed running his hand over the cold glass. He could feel a constant joy spreading in him as he sipped more of the cold drink with hunger, drops of the cold liquid ran down his neck and absorbed in his shirt and Ben hovered for a few moments above the ground, he swear he did. Ben felt his body at his best condition, but his brain was agitated and filled with thoughts in black and shouts in red. So when he finishes the beer he puts the empty bottles on the ground and raises his baton, smashing them with a big swing.

He didn't leave a whole piece of glass, Ben hit the glass nonstop while his mind shouted words that he heard over the past few days. He saw Devi's face with every blow he made now, and he could imagine her lying with Paxton Hall Yoshida as soon as she broke up with him, he saw her face when he realized she didn't want him anymore, he thought about himself, crying in his car like a little girl, and he was running amok, beating whatever he can and he no longer controlled his body.

"How do you feel?" Ben heard Brian ask him and the voice finally reached him, after a long road in his mind.

"Alive, Brian, so fucking alive," Ben said aloud.

"I need to move, are you coming?" Asked Brian, who was already in Ben's car.

Ben gasped for air and nodded. The cold wind of the evening struck Ben's face and he ran to the vehicle quickly, evading the sharp hits.

He drove to Brian's house and he wasn't sure how he got there so fast, his eyes were on some pigeon crap that landed on the windshield all the way.

"We have to do it again," said Ben as Brian got off the vehicle.

"Sure thing, Buddy," Brian replied, walking away, a bag and two batons in his hands.

Ben started to drive again, and he really wanted to go back to his house, but loud music from one of his neighbors stopped him and he got off the car. Ben looked at the people in the yard, and he saw Eddie Tahn, Shira, and Carly talking on the front porch. Ben felt sharper than ever, so he knew it must be a victory party. The race was today and he was sure no one would have a party if they lost.

He started to move towards the house, trying not to fall because he still felt he is floating a little. Ben continues to check the people around him, some of them already recognize him, he hears Shira asking him what he is doing there.

What is he doing there.

He came to celebrate, he's part of this high school, even if no one cares.

Ben stopped and his eyes focused on the round table on the yard, where Devi and Paxton sat, so close that Ben wanted to throw up.

He knew she broke up with him for Paxton, he knew he would never be able to hold a candle to Paxton Hall Yoshida, the school king and Fucking king of the wh **ole FUCKING world**. Damn him, son of a bitch, Ben hates him and he hates Devi for being so weak-minded and had to follow everyone else, and do as everyone does. He thought Devi was better than that, than following the herd, but there he was, watching the couple sitting close and talking quietly, almost whispering to each other. He could hear the chuckling around him, and Ben felt, no, Ben knew it was about him. His brain continued to storm and he felt the strongest person in the world. He is the strongest person in the world and is going to show everyone that he is much better than Paxton Hall Yoshida, and that Devi made a mistake because, well, she did made a mistake. She chose the more stupid, the weaker, the worse.

"Ben?" Devi looked at him now and her voice sounded to him like a siren scream.

\-----------------

Devi was sitting in the living room, looking at her phone.

 _'We have to go'_ Eleanor wrote in their group, and Devi do NOT want to go.

After breaking up with Ben yesterday, she hoped to talk to Paxton today and tell him everything. He was all day with Leslie, one of Ben ex's friends, and kissed her on the break, when Devi tried to approach him.

She was angry, but Eleanor and Fab calmed her, putting some logic in her stubborn mind when they told her that she needed to talk to him first, and only then get angry, if needed. Devi has on the verge given up now, she insisted they shouldn't be together. That's just not their destiny, they continue to miss opportunities and the gods kept play with their lives to ensure they are not together, Devi knew it.

 _'I don't think it's worth it'_ sent Devi and continued to stare at the phone.

She wanted the girls to give up, because they keep saying Paxton and her will be amazing together, but Devi doesn't believe it anymore. She's not mad at Paxton, he was the same funny-pretty-savior friend she had, and she was so proud of him when he won today, but she thinks they are not meant to be anymore.

Even though she can never think that when she is near him.

 _'I'm on my way with Eve and Eleanor, put a dress on yourself'_ Fab wrote after a few minutes.

 _'If not for the amazing romance you will have with him, then do it for yourself'_ Eleanor wrote immediately and Devi sighed and went to her room.

 _'What do I tell Nalini?'_ Devi asked while dressing. She didn't feel like she was in the mode for a dress and stared at her clothes in her closet for a long time.

' _You come to sleep at my place'_ Eleanor wrote.

 _'And I just inform her now, at seven thirty in the evening?'_ Devi asked, trying to make things harder. She's not want to see Paxton and Leslie now, she deserve some mourning time for the lost hope.

 _'I'll do the talking'_ Fab sent and Devi realized that she don't really have an option, so she put on a gray thank top and black jeans. She'll at least fade in the background.

Ten minutes later there was a knock at Devi's door and the door was opened a second after, Fab and Eleanor at the entrance.

"Have you talked to Nalini yet?" Devi and Fab nodded. This girl was the whisperer to the mothers, Nalini was so impressed with the good, disciplined girl she kept a M&M package at her house all the time for Fabiola.

“We having a sleepover at Eleanor because I need cheering up after getting B- at the physics test" said Fab. Devi nodded to her.

"Maybe we won't go?" Devi asked and the girls ignored her, dragging her into the car. Eve began to drive and Devi opened the window, letting the wind play in her hair.

-

The party is really weird.

When Devi just entered Trent said it was a party inspired by Paxton Hall Yoshida, like that what she needed, but after looking for a long time, she couldn't find anything that reminded Paxton, she ask Trent about it.

"It's his playlist and there's sushi, dah" He said and she thought it was a bit racist, but okay. She hadn't seen him yet, and the star seemed to be late for his own party.

Devi was sitting on the comfy couches, having a glass of juice in her hand, listening to music and watching Fab and Eve dance. They looked so cool together, they moved in perfect coordination and did not have to check what the next step of the other is gonna be. They knew everything about each other, it felt right when she saw them together, and Devi wished she knew a man who would love her that way.

"You seem to be having fun" she heard Paxton say and sit down next to her, not looking at her, they both watched the couple dance. When did he come here? Has he been here the whole time? Devi saw Leslie in the corner of her eyes now, and realized where he was.

"So much fun" Devi said and he smiled. He looks so good all the time, it's not fair.

"Ben didn't come with you?" He asked after a brief pause.

Here goes nothing.

"Ben and I broke up" Devi said and Paxton looked at her now. "Yesterday" she added and didn't really knew why. She wanted him to know that when he was kissing Leslie she was hurt. But on the other hand, she literally did the exact same thing to him, so she couldn't get mad. and he looked so confused.

"I'm sorry to hear" Paxton said and she nodded to him.

"No, I'm not sorry to hear" he said after a few seconds of silence. Devi felt her heart begin to beat faster. "But I hope you're fine," Paxton added, smiling at her.

"I think I am," Devi said, sipping her drink. "Anyway, that's not what matters now" she smiled at him and he didn't understand. "You are a fricking Star, Pax" Devi punch his shoulder and he laughed.

"Wanna dance with a star?" Paxton asked and Devi put her glass down as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dance floor, not waiting for an answer.

And Devi danced. she is very clumsy and tends to bump into anything on the floor. But when Eleanor, Fab, and Paxton danced around her, she felt safe and could let go, she could dance freely. She's recognized almost every song since Paxton's playlist is public on Spotify, and you know that Devi hit that replay button too many times for a _long_ time.

Paxton didn't leave her for a moment. He dancing around her, singing with her, bringing her water when she needed and when Devi came out of the dance floor to breath, Paxton followed her.

"Oh shit it's better than gym" Devi said, breathing heavily. "I have to sit," she said, not waiting for a response from Paxton, going to sit on one of the many sofas.

Paxton sat down next to her and leaned back. Devi felt a hand rest on her back and the heat emitted from that hand. She was fighting for every breath, and Paxton just sat nonchalantly, his fingers dancing on her back to the rhythm of the music.

"You breathing?" Paxton leaned forward and asked quietly, close to her ear. Devi felt her ears turn red and she nodded in response.

"Want to go, get some air?" He asked and Devi nodded again.

Paxton stood and grabbed her hand, leading her to the frontyard. They sat down on the wicker chairs and Devi could feel Paxton's leg pressed against her leg. He was close to her and his eyes were looking for eye contact, which is exactly what Devi was trying to avoid. Paxton was closer than ever and she didn't understand how he could be with Leslie for a minute and then treat her like she was all that mattered.

Then again, that's exactly what she did to him, so she really can't be angry about it.

"Who knew you can dance, Vishwakumar" Paxton told her, a look of appreciation on his face.

"Years of training in front of the mirror" she said and then couldn't believe her eyes as they caught Ben's figure quickly approaching them.

"Ben?" Devi asked aloud as he was close to them. Ben was sweaty and his hair was wild, he smelled of alcohol and cigarette smoke.

Ben continued to walk toward her and Paxton stood up.

"Everything is good, Gross?" Paxton asked. Ben was watching him now, and his hand was boxing.

"Everything is good, Gross?" Ben imitated him with a disrespecting voice and Devi stood now, taking a step forward.

"Ben? What happened?" Devi asked and got no answer. Ben is busy with Paxton now.

"You had to take her too, didn't you?" Ben shouted and Paxton didn't move. "You have everything" Ben went on and Devi could see his pupils running from place to place nonstop and now he raised his fist and punched Paxton's nose.

Paxton didn't move that much. The punch, of course, hurt him and he wanted to attack Ben with all he had, but he knew better than that. He's better than punching a poor man like Ben Gross. Paxton raised his hand and wiped the drops of blood from his nose.

Devi approached Ben and tried to put a calming hand on his shoulder, but he shook it quickly. Paxton stands between her and Ben now.

"Don't touch me" Ben said and now many people have already gathered around the three.

"Gross went bonkers" Devi heard people murmur and phones popped up everywhere, taking pictures of whatever was going on. She could see Trent and Marcus approaching, trying to help Paxton, but Paxton raised one hand and motioned them not to.

"You literally had everything in the world, you had to take the only thing I had?" Ben shouted loudly and raised his fist again. Paxton didn't let that happen and grabbed Ben's hand, clutching it to him and knocking Ben to the floor, one knee on his back.

“Get bent, Gross. You out of it” Paxton said and Ben tried to shake him off.

Fab, Eve, Oliver and Eleanor were now approaching and ignoring Paxton's hand.

"Ben, let's go to your house," said Fab when she was close enough.

"I'll kill this son of a bitch" Ben shouted insanely and Paxton lowered his knee from Ben but still held his hands.

"I didn't steal anyone, grow up already," Paxton told him and Ben shook his head. "Devi is a person on her own, she decided it alone and I was not part of it" Paxton continued, more quietly. He didn't want to embarrass Gross any more than he was already embarrassed. He got what he deserve.

"She's just as stupid as all the girls at this school and is in love with you like a dumb girl who doesn't understand anything about her life" Ben continued and Paxton tightened his grip. He looked up at Devi and she looked frightened, standing close enough to hear everything, but she seemed too shocked to understand.

"That's enough," Paxton said, shaking Ben now. He tried to sthand him but Ben's legs failed.

When Ben tried to breathe, he couldn't and instead vomit on the grass, a squirt of brown liquid that had no food. Ben didn't eat for a long time.

Eleanor now approached them with a napkin in her hands. She wiped Ben's face while Paxton, behind him, tried to ignore the awful smell.

"What the fuck, Gross" Ben heard the murmurs around him and he felt so stupid and small. He felt like the stupidest person in the world.

"Let him go," Eve said. Paxton shook his head.

“So he can hit someone else?” Paxton continued to hold Ben firmly.

"Leave him, Paxton," Eve said again. "He lives close by, we'll go with him to his house," she insisted.

"You deal with that" he said and released Ben. Oliver and Eve quickly caught him, leading him far away. Fab stayed for a moment and Devi could feel her look.

Devi couldn't get what was happening right now. She couldn't believe Ben was doing drugs, and it didn't look like happy drugs like they do in 'That 70s show', it looked like hardcore drugs and Devi couldn't believe he did that. She doesn't believe Ben was on the edge enough to try hard drugs. She had never seen anyone do drugs in real life, and she didn't know it could happen here.

"Dev" Fab said and finally Devi looked away. "Are you okay?" She asked and Devi couldn't answer her. Luckily, Paxton approached her now and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'll be with her, Fabiola," Paxton said, and Fab didn't seem convinced.

"Are you okay?" She asked again, louder, ignoring Paxton. Devi kept looking at her, unsure what to say. She has to get herself together, she losing it.

"Yes, go with Ben, I'll be fine," Devi said, and Fab paused for a second, then started running toward Ben, accompanied by Eve, Oliver, and Eleanor.

Devi could not believe she had caused this situation. She didn't believed that Ben did drugs to make him feel better, she didn't realize she was hurting him so much, Devi didn't get the amount of damage she did to Ben. Ben, who is afraid to drive on the freeway, took hard drugs. Devi destroyed who and what he was and ignored the fact that he had feelings, only to make herself feel better. She couldn't believe she was at a party and had fun while Ben was taking drugs.

Paxton led her away from the noise of the filming people and to his car. He opened the passenger's seat and sat her there. All the way there Devi was silent, she didn't know what to say anymore. She was afraid of destroying someone else with her stupidity.

"Devi" Paxton handed her a bottle of water, standing next to Devi. He knew what was going on in her head, he knew the voices of self-doubt there, but he did not know how to get her out of this. He doesn't know what he can do for her.

"Sorry" Devi said quietly, holding the water bottle, not opening it. "It's all my fault," she added after a few seconds of silence.

"It's not your fault that Ben decided to do drugs and go Hulk" Paxton put his palm on her knee.

"It is, I made him feel bad enough to do drugs in the first place," she insisted. She could not cause such pain to more people, she thought she had improved recently and that her existence wasn't that bad for the world, but she was only getting worse.

"You're not guilty in the stupid decisions that Gross make," Paxton told her, and as she smirks in response, he bent slightly to meet her eyes, raising her chin with one finger so she could finally look at him. "You are a great person who makes people around you laugh and smile nonstop," he told her, and could see the edges of her mouth curving a little. "People love being around you, you are so..." Paxton tried to find the right word.

"Broken?" She whispered and Paxton gave her a threatening look.

"Magical," he said, and Devi looked down now. Paxton put a hand on her knee and smile. "You're like a fairy on steroids, everyone you talk to get under your spell and don't want to break away" he continued, not even knowing that he was thinking. The words was spilling out of his mouth. "It's not your fault that Ben doesn't know how to deal with heartbreak" he went on and now he could see the smile hiding under her screen of black hair.

Devi put a hand on Paxton's hand and lifted her head.

"thank you" she said quietly to him. Paxton couldn't make her forget all of her problems, but now, next to him, with those words, she feels a little better.

Paxton moved a little closer to Devi and placed his other hand on her. He grabbed her cold palm with two hands and took a deep breath.

"I can't do this to you, Pax," Devi said quickly when she saw Paxton getting closer. "I can't ruin your life, too," she added, leaning back slightly.

"You can never ruin my life Devi," Paxton told her, but she shook her head. "You're not, Devi, you didn't ruin anyone's life, Ben will snap out of it, his friends with him, and you're great, Devi," he continued, his voice rising slightly. "You're breathtaking and you deserve to be happy, Devi," Paxton told her, holding her hand, not letting go. He is never talked so much, he never needed something so much either.

"Paxton" Devi whispered now and tears began to escape her eyes. Paxton pressed her hand to his chest and she felt his heartbeat for a moment and then he took a deep breath and left her hand.

"OK” he said at last and Devi could also breath now. "But I'm here as a friend first" Paxton continued, seeming to be able to pick himself up quickly.

Paxton walked around the car and got into the driver's seat.

"And I'm going to make sure you're fine," he told her and started the engine. "Milkshake?" He asked her and Devi nodded for a moment and closed the passenger door.

She wanted to go make sure Ben was fine, she wanted to call Fab and Eleanor and ask them how he felt, but she also wanted to stay away from everyone so she will not cause further harm, to not to hurt anyone else. And hurting Paxton is the worst option at the moment, but she feels so safe next to him. Devi feels that no one can ever hurt her when Paxton Hall Yoshida is next to her, and that she will never hurt anyone again, because Paxton Hall Yoshida will never let that happen.

Driving alongside Devi, Paxton couldn't help but remember the other ride they had. The one he wanted to hold her hand, the one that the tension was all over the air. They shared a small look at the time, and now Devi doesn't even look at his direction. He glances at her every few moments, seeing the black hair blowing in the wind and tears drying from her eyes. Paxton is dying to hold her hand now, but he doesn't want to push her.

Devi filled her lungs with the cold air coming out of the open window and looked at the running lights in front of her eyes. Devi was able to stop thinking of Ben only when Paxton put a hand on the cup holder between them. He had just put her there in his nonchalance, and she couldn't think of anything but the distance between them. She wanted to hold his hand and tell him he was all she ever wanted, but the fear of hurting Paxton paralyzed her. Devi wanted to tell him that his life would be better, easier without her, but she is selfish and she stayed silent, because she could not give up Paxton Hall Yoshida. Devi also puts her hand on the cup holder and their forearms now touch.

They continue to remain silent for a few minutes until Paxton stops by his mother's favorite diner.

"What's your favorite milkshake?" He asked her as they entered the place.

"Chocolate, for sure" Devi answered and they sat down at a small table for two, next to a large window overlooking a children's park. "you?" she asked.

"Salted caramel" he answered and their waitress had just arrived, a pleasant woman with white hair and oversized glasses.

"How can I help you, sweetie?" The waitress smiled and took out her pad.

"Two milkshakes, one chocolate, the other salted caramel and ..." Paxton began to ask Devi. "Fries?" He asked her and Devi nodded to him. "Fries" he finished ordering.

"No problem, enjoy your date, sweethearts" the waitress said, taking the menus off the table.

Paxton and Devi decided to ignore the last sentence, or just go with it, and played themselves as if they had never heard the word 'date'.

"Very ordinary, chocolate" Paxton said.

"It may be, but it's the second most delicious thing in the world," said Devi. Paxton raised an eyebrow with confusion.

"After, you know, ribs," she explained. Isn't it known that ribs are the most delicious thing in the world?

"Of course, how I didn't think about it" Paxton smiled and now Devi smiled.

"How do milkshakes and chips fit in with treating your body well?" She asked after a few seconds of silence.

"They don't, but I'll pay for it in a very long run tomorrow," Paxton told her. Devi noticed that his phone didn't stop to make short vibrations on the table in the last few minutes, but he didn't even pick it up to check who it was, he didn't even look towards the phone. He's with her, 100 percent with her.

"Don't you want to check who it is?" Devi asked and he shook his head.

"If it mattered they would call" Paxton answered her and moved the phone more, making room for the milkshakes and chips that had just arrived.

Devi drank from the straw and the milkshake filled her mouth. It was chocolaty and cold and wonderful. Chocolate is a gift from Ganash to this world, she could swear by it.

"It was a long day," she said after a minute of quietly chipping fries.

"Yes, that was an eventful day" he laughed. This morning he walked with Leslie in the school hallways and tried to ignore Devi's existence, and now he sits in front of Devi after defeating his own record in swimming and getting punched by Ben Gross. It was a really long day.

"Sorry you had to leave the party because of me," Devi said and immediately drank, because she wanted to apologize for so much more than that.

"Stop being sorry, Devi," Paxton told her, looking more serious than ever.

"Sorry," she said, looking down. Paxton raised his eyebrows and threw fries at her. "Okay, sorry," Devi said, blushing at the moment she said that.

"I'm here because I want to be here, Devi," Paxton told her and she leaned back. "Did you really think I'd keep celebrating if you weren't there?" He asked.

Paxton's eyes looked like honey pools and she blushed even more. She never felt so... important. Paxton made her feel like the most important person in the world, and it filled her with endless joy.

"I heard there were head hunters in the crowd today, did you hear from any of them?" Devi changed the subject quickly.

"Coach said both UCLA and Princeton asked him about me, but I had to improve my grades as soon as possible so that next year I won't have to do classes again," he answered between chips and chips.

"Only history knocks you?" She asked, continuing to sip on her amazing milkshake.

"History and English" he corrected it.

"I can help with English," Devi said quickly. She wanted Paxton to achieve everything that good in life, because he deserved it. She will do anything to help him with this.

"It's junior year English," Paxton said and in response, Devi grinned.

"Oh boy, do you forget who you talk to" Devi said arrogantly and they both laughed.

"I guess I forgot" he told her and the smile didn't come off his face.

“History and English, words classes” said Devi and raised an eyebrow. “You better with numbers?” she asked and Paxton sighed.

“I can get math, there's rules and straight answer for every question” he said and leaned back now. “But English and those wordy classes” Paxton continued, “Those are the ones that kill me”. 

“You aren't a big words guy, huh?” Devi said and smiled at him. 

“No, I'm not a big talker” he told her. “I love to listen to people I like, and I'm more of an action guy, I prefer to show instead of talk” Paxton said and now he had a spark in his eyes.

Devi could listen to him talk all day. 

"Ready for the test on Tuesday?" Devi asked and he nodded, affirmative.

"thanks to you, I know everything," Paxton told her. "Of course I won't object to another lesson," he added after a second.

"I taught you everything I could, from now on you on your own" she smiled at him and took fries.

"I meant a lesson where I'll teach you things, but okay," Paxton said. Devi blushed, recalling the SMS he had sent her the day she was drunk from Bourbon. She felt herself flare up and she crossed her legs.

"Go teach Leslie," she stung, raising her eyebrows for a moment. She can't show him how much he turns her on, he doesn't need to know that every word from his mouth drops her off her feet.

Paxton was serious now.

"Leslie and I weren't really anything, Devi," he told her, leaning forward. "One time thing" Paxton said.

"You dog" Devi laughed at him now.

'one time thing'. What good words to hear.

"No, but seriously, do you want to study together tomorrow for the test?" He asked her and sipped his milkshake.

"Actually I pan to do it with Fab and Eleanor" Devi was glad she said it. She won't abandons her friends again, she stands by her word.

"Can I join?" Paxton asked after a few seconds. Paxton wanted to know Devi’s friends because he wanted to know Devi even more. He wanted to see how she was next to her friends and if she was different or she was the same crazy Devi he know and love. 

Love?

"Hmm, yes, I think so," she said, looking uncertain.

"Your friends isn't my biggest fan, huh?" He asked her, Devi sighed in response, undecided.

"Eleanor really cool with you, but Fab, as you heard at that party, thinks I'll abandon them to be with you," Devi said.

"Can I ask what she meant that day?" Paxton said quietly, his eyebrows clenched with misunderstanding.

Everything looked good on him, Devi thought to herself.

"It's really stupid," she said, and Paxton didn't seem to give up. "It make me look really bad" Devi went on and Paxton had not yet given up.

"Please?" Paxton asked and Devi couldn't tell him no, and there is nothing she can do.

"The day that Rebecca needed help with applying for a fashion school?" Devi started and he nodded, remembering that day. "Eleanor's mother left her again" she finished.

"Oh, man," he said, and Devi looked down. "You should have told me, I could understand you" Paxton leaned forward.

"You said I owe you!" Devi tried to defend.

"That's right" Paxton recalls. He could have asked for so many girls, but there was only one Rebecca ever liked and he was ready to come across as a jerk for Rebecca.

"Anyway, we're fine now but Fab don't forget quickly, plus, Eve and" Devi paused for a moment, "Ben bonded so Fab spent a lot of time with them" she continued.

Paxton nodded to her and drank from his milkshake. His name reminded Devi of everything that had happened, but Paxton was determined to make her forget about him.

"So I'm likely to get scornful glances from Fabiola?" He asked and Devi smiled.

"She's very good at scolding, but she's so nice most of the time that she can't do it without a really good reason" Devi said, putting fries in her mouth.

"You've been friends for a long time, eh?" Paxton asked her and he knew the answer. He remembered that when she was in a wheelchair for several months, the only time Paxton knew who she was before she asked him to have sex with her, Fabiola and Eleanor did not leave her for a moment.

"Since kindergarden, we went through everything together" Devi replied, feeling pleasant warmth as she talked about her friends. "They were with me when One Direction split up, they were with me when Jay-z cheated on Beyoncé and ruined my belief in true love, and then when Beyoncé forgave him, and the three of us went back to believing in a happy ending," she laughed now. Pop culture has been a very big part of her life.

Paxton grinned. That was so weird.

"And even when you lost Spelling Bees and when you were in a wheelchair, you know," he told her. Paxton was jealous of Devi, he was never lonely or lacking in friends, but his friends come and go. They are by the season, his current friends never saw him win his first swimming competition or fighting with people.

"I was robbed" Devi said seriously, Paxton laughed again. "But yeah, they were with me in the really tough moments," she added, eating more of the chips.

"How did it happen at all, the whole thing with paralysis" Paxton asked after a few seconds.

He recalled how everyone was talking about it, about the girl who lost the ability to use her legs just like that, with no warning, while swimming. Paxton remembered the people moving away from her as if she was infectious, and the fact that he couldn't understand how such a thing could happen. Paxton could not imagine such a thing happening to him, he preferred to die rather than not swim again.

Well, maybe not die.

Devi took a sip of her milkshake and didn't know how to explain it.

"A million doctors checked me, and each said there was no physical reason for it," she said at last. "They said it was psychological, caused by trauma," Devi added quietly.

She didn't like to talk about her dad, she didn't want to think about all the good she used to have. She didn't want to remember the ping pong games, she didn't want to remember them talking about music and tennis.

"And how was it ..." Paxton searched for a word. "How did it stoped?" He finally asked.

Now Devi blushed.

"Don't laugh" she said and his smile grew in response.

Paxton raised his hand and locked his mouth.

"I tried to get a better view of you outside the Walmart," she said quietly.

He couldn't not to laugh, but Paxton tried as hard as he could. He let out a short smirk and reassured himself.

"seriously?" He asked and Devi nodded. Paxton only now realized how much Devi was +in love with him.

"So I guess I saved you three times," he said, and Devi blushed again, but laughed.

"So I guess you're very smug about it," Devi laughed and picked up more fries.

She was glad Paxton decided to take it easy and laugh about it, she didn't want him to be afraid of how much she is into him.

They continued to eat the chips for a few minutes, and when nothing left but a lot of salt in the plate, they leaned back.

Devi couldn't remember why she felt so awful, she was near Paxton and, frankly, that's all she needed. He made her laugh and embarrassed her and made her think, he knew her in her best, and in her worst. Devi can't believe how happy she is when she is next to him, and wish she was that happy all the time.

"What you want to do?" Paxton asked as Devi's cup was drained. Devi is supposed to sleep with Eleanor today, but she doesn't want to see her now, she wants to stay next to Paxton and not remember why she's so bad.

"Can you get me back home?" she finally said. Devi is already tired, and it's a school night, so it's better for everyone to end this now.

He nodded, gesturing to the waitress.

"Pax" Devi said as they waited for the bill.

He looked at her questioningly.

"thank you" she said and Paxton smiled.

"I told you I would always be there when you need me," he said, winking at her. Paxton took out his wallet and when the bill arrived, he pulled the money.

Devi took out her wallet and got a threatening look.

"Put that back where it came from," Paxton said, not looking at her, standing up.

Devi smirked and they went to his car.

Paxton and Devi sit in the car, and this time too, the tension in the air rises. Paxton starts the car and the radio turns on, playing music Paxton isn't sure he knows.

The car starts moving and the silence was filling the air. Devi is looking out the window this time too, but now she looks at Paxton in the side mirror every now and then. She sees him glancing at her and checking what she does every few moments. Devi places her hand on the cup holder just to feel his hand rub against her again.

Paxton doesn't miss opportunities anymore, not this time. He puts his palm on Devi's hand and she's so warm. Her skin is smooth and her hand looks small in his big hand, he smiles and continues to drive. That's all he needs now.

They passed the ride in complete silence, but they didn't need to talk. Their fingers intertwined and Devi held him so hard, she never wanted to leave. She felt the good fluid out of Paxton and absorbed in her, she felt better because of him and it was magical.

"I had a really great time" he says, stopping at Devi's house and she blushes.

"Me too" Devi said and they were still holding hands, Paxton couldn't release her.

"Devi" Paxton started and seemed to regret it in the middle. He wanted to tell her so many things, kiss her, hug her, but that's not for now. She's not in the mood for someone new in her life, not right now.

"Goodnight Devi" Paxton smiles and now he releases her hand from his grasp.

"Goodnight Paxton" she says and gets out of the car.

He step on the gas and drives away. Paxton feels his heart sink into his chest and he runs one hand through his hair.

Paxton is not sad. It was a great night, one of the best nights of his life, he talked to Devi for so long and they listened to each other, and they were just .. together. Paxton is happy with any moment from this night, and even though Devi doesn't want him, and it hurts like a motherfucker, he knows it's okay. He got his cool, and She doesn't want him _now_. He'll do anything to make her want him again.

Rebecca is right, it really is fate.

Yeah, sometimes the going gets so good

But then again, it get pretty rough

When I have you in my arms, baby

You know I just can't, I just can't get enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-Ig0aeJ6jc  
> Mac Miller - Everybody  
> \---------
> 
> damn i hope you liked this one.   
> thanks to all of you for reading and supporting!


	8. Chapter 7

"OMG I'm so tired," Eleanor said as Devi approached them, looking exhausted too.

"Yes, okay, not now," said Devi, who was very tired, but she just have to know what happened yesterday. How is he?

"Calm down, sit" Fab made room for her on the bench in the school yard. The first class starts in ten minutes, which is enough to explain what happened last night.

"He's fine, he tried drugs with Brian Lakestone” Fab started and waited for Devi's nod “He realized his mistake, we gave him plenty of water and food” she finished.

"Did he tell you why he did it?" Devi asked and Eleanor and Fab exchanged a look.

"It's not just because of you, he felt alone because he is a fool who didn't realize we are his friends," Fab said, looking very angry.

"Is he okay, really okay?" Devi asked again. She can't stop worrying, even if Ben will be right in front of her eyes now, singing and dancing.

"Yes, he will take the day off and will be good as new" Eleanor tried to calm her down.

"Eve with him" Fab said in a confident tone.

Devi loved how confident Fabiola could be. She may be the most indecisive person in the world, but when she has to show strength, she's a fucking tiger.

"Oh my god" Devi sighed. She felt so bad, but it wasn't just because of Ben. She didn't stop thinking about the evil she spread and how sad she feel ALL the time. Devi is happy when she's near Paxton, but only when she's near Paxton. She remember how at the moment she left his car, the distress had become stronger in her heart and she felt the weight on her shoulders. When she is next to Paxton she is the happiest girl in the world, she doesn't think about her problems, and even when she does, they don't look so big and scary, but the minute she is not by his side, she is the same Devi who is angry with herself and the world, the same Devi who is tired of the questions and problems in her mind.

"He's fine, he even laughed at it yesterday” Eleanor kept trying to cheer her up and now Fabiola exchanged a look with her.

"Now" Eleanor continues and her tone has changed completely.

She want to hear the tea.

"How was yesterday with Paxton?" Eleanor goes on and her voice rises slightly in excitement.

Devi's lips curled into a small smile and she looked down.

"We drank milkshakes and ate fries and then he drove me home" Devi said briefly and Eleanor punched her with excitment.

"Have you been on a date with Paxton Hall Yoshida?" Eleanor asked excitedly. "Are you dating Paxton Hall Yoshida now?" She continued with a rising voice.

"No, for both questions" Devi said as her eyes caught Paxton's car get into the parking lot. "We're just friends now," she said.

"Why?" Eleanor asked her, not understanding. Devi looked at her, clueless.

"I don't know why I did such stupid thing" Devi replied, watching Paxton emerge from the vehicle. "But he comes to study to history with us today. I hope you're okay with that?" She said very quickly because Paxton was already really close to the trio.

"Good morning Devi, Fab, Eleanor" Paxton looked fresh, as if he had been sleeping for a full 8 hours.

"Hi Paxton" Eleanor said in a much weaker voice than usual and Fab smiled at him but said nothing.

"Good morning" Devi told him and a big smile came over her face.

"Where are we studying today?" He asked her and checked the reactions of her friends. They didn't seem too surprised, or angry, so it must be a good thing.

"My place" Devi said and was surprised when Eleanor, Fab and Paxton all responded the same.

"And your mother?" Said the three and Devi laughed for a moment.

"She's okay with that, we'll study in our garage and she'll even make pretzels," she replied.

The bell was heard throughout the school and the girls stood up and picked up their bags.

"Cool. I'll talk to you after school?” Paxton said, and when Devi nodded to him, he walked away.

"You said you weren't dating with him," Fab said, her eyebrows raised.

"I'm not" Devi said, sighing. "I don't know," she added, shrugging her shoulders. She really don't know.

During the day, a lot of people asked her what Ben was going through yesterday, or if he was doing drugs, or if it was true that he had tried seven different drugs that day. Devi had no answers to that, and although Fab and Eleanor tried to silence these people, each of them burdened Devi a little more.

All Devi wants now is to be okay. Just okay, she doesn't expect to feel happy or great, she just wants the ability to sit still and not suffer with any thought that comes to her head, she misses the calm her father brought with him and she wants to feel whole again, as she does with Paxton, but Doc says she should be happy on the inside Before counting on the joy that someone else is causing, and now, on her way home after her day at school, Doc's words sound more and more right.

"Hey Mom" Devi said and Nalini turned to her because her daughter's voice did not have the usual mischief sound.

"Devi" Nalini told her and took off her stained apron so she could hug her daughter. "Everything's good, Kan'yā?" She asks, wrapping Devi warmly.

"Yes, long day" Devi excused her mother, but then leaned into the hug for a few moments.

"I made you bagels bites and a cheese dip," Nalini said, releasing her daughter from the hug.

"Thank you" Devi said and managed to pick herself up and smile at Nalini.

"And you study with the garage door open and I'll visit you every now and then" Nalini added in a much more rigorous voice.

"What do you think, Paxton will jump on the three of us if the door is closed?" Devi asked and immediately regretted it. "Sorry, no problem, open door" she added after a moment and Nalini decided not to get angry.

"Even though I know the parents of this _Romeo_ , it doesn't mean I want him to be the father of my grandchildren," Nalini said, mixing the cheese dip she made.

"Let's walk before we run, okay?" Devi said as she pulled out a bottle of water.

'So when we meet?' The message rang on Devi's phone and she pulled it out.

'In a half hour?' Devi sent him a sip of her bottle.

"How did you know the boy, anyway?" Nalini asked her and did not like to see how much her daughter blushed from this simple question.

"School, you know" Devi answered her, trying hard not to show that it was a lie. She couldn't tell her mom that the first thing she told him was a suggestion for sex.

Nalini studied Devi and she didn't believe her for a bit, but Paxton's parents are good people and she is sure that the child has minimal morals, so she doesn't continue to question Devi too much.

The secret in an investigation is to exhaust the accused. And one day Devi will break and will tell her everything.

"Devi I need you to start packing today," Nalini said, examining her daughter's reaction in the corner of her eyes.

Devi stopped sipping the water but didn't look away from the spot she was looking at.

“I wanted to ask you about it, what do I do with school these two weeks? And what am I doing there for two whole weeks? nothing?" Devi asked after a few seconds of silence.

Nalini leaned against the counter and sighed for a moment.

"Because you're an excellent student, and most of the semester's tests will happen in those weeks, the principal agreed to let you take the exams when you return," Nalini told her, crossing her arms now. "You can study these days, or read some books, you haven't done it in a long time, or you might want to play on the harp a little, my brother has the most beautiful harp I've ever seen, and we will travel with the family a little and you'll get to know your roots" she continued, and now her voice was almost like the voice of an army commander.

"Got it," Devi said, closing the bottle.

"Anvit has a beautiful music room, I'm sure you will enjoy it very much" Nalini said softer this time, turning the tap that produced only a small trickle of water.

"Damn this over-priced-Ali-express faucet" Nalini said, and began to wash the dishes with the little water the faucet delivered.

"Cool" Devi said, taking out her phone.

'K, I'll be there' Paxton sent her.

"I'm gonna take a shower in the meantime, Fab and Eleanor are coming in an half hour," Devi said, and she doesn't know why she didn't mention Paxton's name, but she knew that the fact he was coming is stretching the line, so maybe she shouldn't play with the line.

Devi went up the stairs and entered the shower.

She turned on the hot water and found comfort in the water coming out of the shower head. The tap in the kitchen maybe had very low water pressure, but the shower tap hit her hard with boiling water. Devi stood there for a long time, under the running water, doing nothing but letting her brain run long distances. The flight is only in a few days, and she doesn't know what she's going to do there for two weeks and she didn't know what she was going to do there if mom forced her to stay there.

On one hand, Devi wanted to stay forever in LA and live like any American teenager, she is american, her friends here, her first love, all her first experiences were on American soil, her father's remains were scattered on American water, but on the other, She wants to get away and not to harm her loved ones, she wants to get away to not destroy more people with her mass destruction. Devi is scared to be alone in India, she will miss Fabiola and Eleanor, and Eve and Oliver, she will miss Paxton, oh, she will miss Paxton so much. she has never been alone, never had to entertain herself and manage on her own. And she won't be alone, but her mom isn't her besties and her distant family is ... well, there's a reason they called a distant family.

After what felt like forever, she turned the tap all the way and let the water freeze her. The water energizes her and she thinks nothing for a few seconds, until she closes the tap and gets out of the shower.

When Devi wipe herself in her room, she hears the doorbell ring and she gets faster. She wears a basic t-shirt and jeans and combs her hair, and when Devi comes down the stairs she stops in shock, not realizing the scene she witnessing right now.

Paxton was under the sink, she could tell it was him because his bag was thrown beside him. Eleanor and Nalini stood on either side and both held a flashlight on Paxton, who seemed to be rotating a bolt under the sink.

"Try now" Paxton said, and Nalini opened the faucet, and the flow of water improved wonders.

"Oh great" Nalini said and closed the tap while Eleanor helped Paxton get off the floor.

Devi blinked and step down another step.

Paxton washed his hands and wiped them with a towel that Nalini offered.

"Hi" Devi finally said and she smiled now.

It's only a matter of time before Paxton buys over her mom, too.

The strange trio in the kitchen looked at her now and Paxton's smile was bigger than everyone else's.

"Hello," Eleanor said, and at that moment there was another ringing on the door.

Devi quickly went to the door and opened it, Fab was standing there, a bag on her shoulders as always.

At least there's no surprises here.

"Sorry I'm late, have you started already?" She said quickly and Devi shook her head.

"Just getting started" Devi said and the four of them went out to the Vishwakumar's garage, accompanied by Nalini who brought the bagel bites and a bowl of cheese dip.

They sat around the round table that Nalini had put out earlier in the day, Fab and Eleanor sat next to each other and Devi sat down between Eleanor and Paxton and helped her mother with the bowls.

Nalini pressed the remote to the garage door and the big door opened, flooding the small room in sunlight.

"Be good kids, and study good" Nalini said before leaving the room, with the little remote.

Devi rolled her eyes and took a small bagel, dipped it in the cheese dip, and all three did the same.

"That's great," Paxton said, taking another bagel.

The four took out the books but continued to eat the bagels, drinking cold lemonade in between, but saying nothing for a few minutes.

When they finally started to study, Fabiola looked tense. She's not used to new people in her circle, and sitting next to Paxton, after the party yesterday, was harder than usual, but after he answered correct 8 out of 10 questions in the flash round of 'history and fun', a game the girls invented for studying for this horrible subjects, she even whispered the answer to him when Devi asked him a surprise question. Eleanor, even though she was far more pro-Paxton than Fabiola, seemed to be quieter when he was around. Her dramatic reactions dropped by at least fifty percent and she seemed to be back to her beige period for a while, but after Paxton asked her to explain to him the causes of the Cold War for the third time, Eleanor was already much more theatrical when we listed the causes of the Soviet Union.

Nalini thought she was so smooth, and only went outside the garage twice to see the gang learn. In the morning she told herself she would come in and check that the boy wasn't sitting next to her daughter, but she was so busy with her paperwork that she almost forgot that the boy was there, and it's not happening very often, that Nalini forgot something. Or someone. Especially someone who is sitting next to her daughter now and looks far happier than what a boy studying for a summary test in history should look like. Nalini doesn't want to admit it, and she will never say it out loud, but this kid is a good boy. He is not a great student like Ben Gross, and he certainly does not look like a snitch, but he knows how to work around the house and is very polite. That's not to say that Nalini wants Mr. Sex Disease to be her only daughter's husband, but it probably won't be too bad if she hang out with him sometimes.

It was strange for Devi to see Paxton sitting here, among her friends, talking to them and laughing with them, it felt like a joke or a hallucination. Paxton Hall Yoshida sits with three nerds on his own free will, it's too good to be true. But then Devi thinks of Paxton sitting in front of her yesterday at Diner and caring for her, and she begins to see that this is a place that suits him, among her friends, and more importantly, beside her. Devi didn't miss her mother peeking from the edge of the yard, and the truth was that she was quite surprised that it had only happened twice. Parvesh's family visited them once, and Devi was talking to Parvesh in the garden, and Nalini did NOT gave them a moment of silence, calling them and visiting them every five minutes, until the two gave up and sat down with their parents.

Devi could see the focus running away from Paxton and she could also see him fighting it with all he had. She saw him shake his head, physically shake his head to return to concentration and she laugh for a moment.

“Lets take a break? I'm losing it” Devi said, and Fab and Eleanor raised their eyebrows. Devi doesn't lose it after only an hour, what happens to her?

"Yes" Paxton sighed wearily and the two understood everything. Paxton stood and began to stretch his legs, he almost fall asleep in the long sitting. The girls closed the books and notebooks.

"How do you sit that much I wanna cry" Paxton said as he stretched his hands.

"It's usually a third of the amount of seating we do here" Eleanor said, leaning back.

"Respect" Paxton smiled at her.

"What do you wanna do?" Devi asked.

"Hey Google, set a timer for twenty minutes" Fabiola said aloud and when her phone answered that he did what she asked, she looked up. "Twenty minutes break is perfect, we can go to Devi's garden" she continued and everyone seemed to agree.

"She can show us the basil that's still alive" Eleanor stung her and Devi smiled.

The four got up and went outside, Paxton lingered in the sun a little and the girls kept moving, they weren't really interested in Devi's dying basil, but if there is a break, then at least they would be on their favorite bench.

As the girls settled, Paxton came to the garden and started looking at the flower pots and the bushes, examining the herbs.

"He's like" Eleanor started when the three looked at him, "super nice" she continued and didn't look away.

"Yeah that's weird, he's supposed to be Paxton Hall Yoshida, a superstar swimmer, and instead he's..." Fabiola said, and she didn't look away from him either. "Paxton Hall Yoshida, fondler of herbs" she said and the girls were looking at her now.

"what?" Devi said and Fabiola was laughing now.

"No, like, he's an ordinary person," Fab said, and the three laughed now.

“He's both of those people, that's the cool thing. He's the superstar who has a Korean fan page, and also really nice, cool person” Devi said, and she could feel the pride in her voice. She was so happy that the girls got along with Paxton, she would have died if they didn't like him. Devi can feel her heart explode with happiness in these moments, but she also remembers how the pain consume her when she's alone.

Paxton approached them and sat down in front of them, on the grass.

"So what do you usually do on breaks?" He asked them and crossed his legs.

"We don't usually take breaks, but at the end of a session we sit outside with lemonade and gossip a bit." Eleanor explained him and Devi prayed that he won't ask what they gossip about.

"I can gossip" Paxton smiled. "I can gossip like the biggest Karen in the world" he continued. He wanted Devi's friends to love him no matter what.

"We usually gossip about people like the janitor or nurse," Devi said.

"Or the principal" added Fab and the girls laughed now.

"Oh" Paxton said, but he still didn't look discouraged. "I don't know them that much" he added, continuing to search for a common theme in his mind.

"Congratulations on breaking your record yesterday!" Fabiola said and Paxton smiled at her.

"Yes, I heard that four Ivy League universities were interested in you!" Eleanor said.

"No, no, let's not stretch the truth, but yeah, some of them were interested," he told them. "UCLA and Princeton, and coach said Brown talked to him today, too," Paxton smiled. He was so proud of it, he would have the opportunity to go to the most reputed universities for the thing he loves most in the world.

“Princeton? Wow” Eleanor said. Princeton was the trio's dream, they dreamed they would share a room in Princeton's dorm and be inseparable even then.

"Where do you want to go?" Paxton asked them and his eyes closed a little because the sun was blinding him now.

"Yale," Devi said suddenly.

All three looked at her with a stunned look.

"Sike" She laughed out loud for a few moments. Paxton could hear that sound forever. "Princeton forever," Devi said after a few seconds.

"What do you want to learn?" He continued asking them.

"English" Eleanor said confidently.

"Computer Science" Fabiola was also confident.

"Physics" Devi said in the same confident tone.

"You really know what you want to do huh?" Paxton asked and was surprised. They are only in 10th grade, and they know what they want to learn when they graduate, and here he is, next year he supposed to send the applications already, and he does not yet know what he wants to study.

"These are things we knew from sixth grade," Fabiola told him.

"Oh," he said, sighing.

"what do you want to learn?" Devi asked him, examining his face that curved as the sun dazzled him. She already said everything was beautiful about him, right?

"I'm debating" he told her and for a moment he felt he was only talking to her. He completely forgot about the girls on her side. "It's either language and culture or music, or something more practical like an electrical engineer or something like that" Paxton elaborated on his options, but he didn't know, he didn't know what he wanted to do in life.

"It's not fair that people my age make this decision alone," Paxton continued to speak. "I don't know what I want to do for another sixty years from now," he sighed.

"It's okay, you have time, you'll find what you want to learn," Devi told him, smiling.

"Yes, I'm sure of that," he said, leaning back.

Nalini appeared across the wall holding a tray of very cold lemonade glasses.

"Thank you Dr. Vishwakumar" Paxton said and quickly stood up and grabbed the tray, lowering it for the girls to take their glass.

"How's the studying?" Nalini asked as Paxton returned the empty tray to her.

"Great, we're taking a break," Devi said, hoping Mom wouldn't start argue now. 

They really do not take breaks.

“Okay, have fun kids. And don't have too many breaks!” She said and walked away, Devi couldn't believe it was that easy. There's a catch, there's something hidden here she doesn't see, where's the camera?

"What the hell, since when you mom is so..." Fabiola started and didn't find a suitable word.

"It's because of Paxton" Eleanor said confidently and Paxton smiled with the same level of confidence.

"Exactly because Paxton is here I don't understand what's going on!" Devi said and looked stressed.

"Paxton helped her with the tap earlier and since then she's been nice to him, didn't you get that?" Eleanor said and Devi curled her eyebrows.

No one buy Nalini that fast. You have to bribe Nalini and butter her for a long time until Nalini loves someone, she doesn't like anyone who comes and fixes her tap, that's for sure.

"No, it's because she was a good friend of my parents once," Paxton told them, sipping his lemonade.

"She used to be angry with me for sitting with her Indian friends' son in the garden, so I don't think that's that" Devi returned to him and all four looked so confused.

They stayed confused until Fabiola's cellphone rang and informed them that the break was over.

The four was back in the garage, and if the girls were a little embarrassed earlier because Paxton was there, it was gone now. The girls were themselves again and found Paxton to be a nice addition to their round table, since he helped to remember the material when they needed to repeat the information at least one more for Paxton. The sun slowly set into the sky and the group continued, going from the the causes the Nazism rise to power to the results of the civil war, the boring one, not the one with Captain America and Iron Man clashes each other's.

When the clock said six thirty, a gray vehicle stopped by the Vishwakumar's house and Eve stepped out of the car.

"I have to go now," Fabiola said, and Eleanor looked at the clock.

"But we only have the Great Depression till we finish!" Paxton told her and looked up from the book now.

"The market crash, the dust bowl, I know everything about that" Fabiola said, putting her things in her back-bag.

Eve approached them and put a hand on Eleanor's shoulders.

“You wanna come? Oliver setting a movie at “ Eve paused for a moment and her gaze ran between Paxton and Devi. "Ben's" she continued.

"Oliver there?" Eleanor asked and closed her book. "I'll come, I know about Roosevelt much more than I want to know," she said, putting her book and notebook in her bag.

"et tu, Eleanor?" Paxton asked her and she smiled at him.

"Aye, Paxton" Eleanor returned to him with her characteristic dramatic demeanor.

"It was nice, good luck tomorrow!" Fabiola said, going out of the garage, her hand around Eve's waist.

"Good luck!" Eleanor said aloud as she moved away too.

"One minute" Devi said, running after the girls, catching them at Eve's car.

"how is he?" Devi asked Eve when she stopped.

Eve looked at Paxton from a distance and then at Devi.

"All right, he's fine," Eve said, opening the driver's door.

"Thank you for caring for him" Devi said quietly and Eve sighed.

"I'm not doing this for you, Devi," Eve said, and then seemed to regret it. “Sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but what is he doing here? You said he wasn't the reason for breaking up with Ben” she added after a second.

"He's not" Devi stiffened. "He's a friend" she said and Eve shook her head once. "But don't tell Ben he's here, okay?" Devi said after a few seconds, in a humble voice.

"I know how to take care of my friends," Eve said, getting into the car.

Devi sighed and returned to the garage, watching Paxton and his leg jumping nervously.

"All good?" She asked him and Paxton nodded and relaxed.

"Sure" he said, and Devi sat down.

"So the Great Depression?" Devi said and flipped a page in the textbook.

"I guess" Paxton said, listening to her tell him about the end of that sad time.

They learned for another twenty minutes, and then they leaned back and Paxton closed the book aloud.

"I don't believe we actually learned" he said, and Devi laughed.

"I'm a woman of my word," she said, and Paxton nodded, his smile got smaller with every passing second.

"Thanks Devi" Paxton started and didn't mean to let her stop him. "It's much more important than saving someone at a party, it's my fucking life you're fixing here," he continued, leaning forward now, towards her. "I owe you so much" Paxton put a hand on Devi's shoulder.

"It wasn't good for just one side of the story" Devi told him, and she looked his dimples now. "I enjoyed spending time with you" she told him after a few seconds of silence.

"You don't sum it up, do you?" Paxton panicked for a moment.

"I don't, calm down" Devi laughed but a second later her smile was wiped off. "although" she said, and Paxton didn't understand.

"What are you talking about, Dev?" Paxton shook his hand on her shoulder.

"The flight is this Thursday and I don't know what will happen after," Devi said, and Paxton shook his head. Devi stopped him. "There's a chance I'll have to say goodbye to all my friends, and unfortunately you're one of them," she said, and Paxton looked at her with big brown eyes.

"Unfortunately?" He asked quietly.

"If I didn't know you so well it wouldn't hurt so much to stay away from you" she said quietly, and Paxton looked down.

"I promise I'll always be there for you, even if you're in India," he told her, and Devi knew it wasn't realistic.

"Pax" Devi sighed.

"No, seriously, I'm not saying I'll fly every time you get drunk, but I'm not going to stay away from you just because you're on another continent" Paxton smiled at her.

Devi knew it was a beautiful thing to say, and charming, and wonderful, but it wasn't realistic. Because when you don't see a person every day, you think less of him, and if you think of him less, you feel less about him, but Devi didn't want to say it. She didn't want to think about Paxton forgetting her, she wanted to stay with those sweet words he said.

Nalini cleared her throat at the garage entrance.

Paxton lowered his hand slowly, not with stress or embarrassment, with his usual nonchalance, and awkward Devi turned quickly to her.

"And where's Fabiola and Eleanor?" Nalini asked and her eyebrows were very high on her face.

"They went to visit Ben Gross, Dr. Vishwakumar" Paxton told her, and his confidence impressed Nalini.

"You two done?" She asked Devi.

"Yes, Mom" Devi answered and closed her open book.

"I'm going, it was very pleasant Dr. Vishwakumar," Paxton said, standing up, putting the bag on his shoulder.

Nalini seemed surprised that such manners had come out of Mr. I-will-break-your-daughter-heart and for a moment forgot to respond to him.

"Hope you studied good, Paxton," she finally said, approaching the table and starting to pick up the empty glasses and plates.

Devi walked with Paxton to his car in silence.

"Thanks, for what you said earlier" Devi told him and he smiled and opened the driver's door, throwing his bag inside.

"Thank you for tutoring me today" He smiled and approached her for a hug. Devi wrapped him in both hands and pressed her ear to his chest as Paxton put his chin on her head. She breathed deeply into his scent, to remember how he felt when she will be living in India, and he breathed the scent of her hair deep into his lungs, only to feel that she was closer.

"Tell me why we are not..." Paxton said but didn't walk away from her, he looked for how to say it. "Why we're not a thing already?" He finally said.

"I will soon live forever in India" Devi told him quietly and then moved away from him a bit.

Paxton nodded.

"Not a good enough reason," he told her, but did not insist. "When you come back from India you won't have any more excuses," Paxton said, walking away from her too, getting in the car.

"There are reasons, not excuses," Devi said, and she did smile, but was endlessly sad.

"Excuses" he smiled at her and drove away. Devi rolled her eyes and went to help Nalini prepare dinner.

\------------------

The next few days Devi passed alongside Eleanor and Fabiola.

At school Devi was walking with her friends as if they were her legs, and if for a moment she was alone, she would text them immediately. Devi wanted to spend every moment she could with people she loved, before she will move there, so the days she spent with Eleanor and Fab, they re-watched all the seasons they could of 'Keeping up with the Kardashians', they baked cookies and made funny videos. Devi smiles and laughs with them, and she totally acts like herself, but Devi is a good actress. She manages to hide the questions and the fears that was on her mind and when she doesn't have to be around people, she didn't even bother to smile.

Devi wants to get away from Paxton while she still can, but it's hard when he's so nice and beautiful all the time. Every time he texted her, she tries to not get excited, but she's not strong enough, and she misses the feeling of being whole, so she meets him one more time this week, the day after their test, which was the first test Paxton ever felt confident about. When Devi sees Paxton in his car outside her home, a sad smile spreads across her face, but she puts on her brave face.

They sit in Fossil Ridge park and Paxton drinks coffee while Devi drinks hot chocolate. The two talked, looking at the green landscape in front of them, Paxton put a hand on Devi's fingers and she didn't move them, so he grabbed her hand tight. Paxton didn't understand why Devi wasn't ready to be with him, and it broke his heart. Paxton wanted to break every moment she was away, but he is Paxton Hall Yoshida, and he has a reputation. He knows how to keep his cool, and once he heard a sentence which he tries to live by. He was told that if there is nothing to do with the problem, then there is nothing to be upset about, and if there is anything to do, then there is nothing to be upset, because there's something to do, so it is time to act. So Paxton knows that right now, there's something to do with his problem. He knows that after she returns from India, he will be able to cut off all her excuses.

Paxton knows Devi wants to be with him all the time. He sees how in school she never smiles, and then when she is with him, she is a perfect picture of smiling emoji. Paxton sees her eyes even smiling, he can see her body straighten and stop to slouch when she next to him, and is not just what he sees. Devi tells him that there are reasons they shouldn't be together, but she never says she doesn't want it. She never pushes him away when he test her boundaries. Paxton doesn't talk about what should be and what supposed to be, he don't ask her again why they are not together yet and he never mentions the fact that he misses her when she is not next to him, he manages to keep about his cool even when he is too tired for this act.

Paxton falls in love with her even more that day at the park. He hear everything about her, and Devi talks about her dad at last and he is even more impressed with Nalini, who seems so strong all the time. She seems to be an unbreakable woman, and so does Devi most of the time. But in moments when she is not, when she sheds a tear or says every thought that comes to her mind, these are the moments Paxton understands why he agrees to hang out with her even though she does not return him love. Paxton just wants to be near Devi, even if she doesn't kiss or lean on him, he's fine with that.

But he needs more, that's for sure. And he maybe thinking he could stay like this forever, but his heart ache everytime she go away, or say that there is reasons. Paxton need more and he tries to ignore it, but it boiling in his head and he fear someday he will do something stupid.

Wednesday evening Paxton arrives at Devi's house and sees Eleanor and Fabiola already there, sitting on the front yard.

“Big P!” Devi calls and smiles. Paxton approaches the girls, carries a paper bag with him and gives a high five to the trio.

"I see the party has started," he says, sitting down in front of them.

"No party, she go for two weeks and that's it" Fabiola make things clear and Eleanor nodded.

"Tell yourself whatever makes you feel good" Devi told her, patting her shoulder.

"Enough with your nonsense" Eleanor scoffs at her and Paxton smiles.

He don't know what will happen, and he don't know if Devi will move there, and if she does move to India, it will hurt. It will hurt like a motherfucker, it will really really hurt. But he doesn't want to think about that, he has no way to make a difference. He can't solve this problem, and he really tries not to worry about it.

They heard the front door open and Nalini's head appeared.

"You got twenty minutes till sleep time, tomorrow's flight leaves at five in the morning" She said with her strict voice and all four nodded.

Eleanor and Fabiola shared a look.

"Anyway, we just wanted to give you this and we're going," Eleanor said, handing Devi a pink paper bag.

"You guys!" Devi sighed. "We said no gifts" she said and opened the bag.

"Your birthday is in a week and we won't be there, we had to bring you a gift!" Fabiola said Devi lifted a framed photo of the three when they were 10, all three of them dressed as Tiana from the Princess and the Frog.

Tears were climbing up Devi's throat and she wiped her eyes.

"I told you she would cry!" Eleanor said and punched Fabiola's shoulder

"No, It's okay, it's okay, I love it!" She said and hugged her friends, one on each side.

Paxton was silent throughout the hug, it was their moment and he didn't want to take it. Too bad he didn't know it would be Devi's birthday next week, he would have brought her a real gift.

"Well we must run," Fabiola said as they finally broke away and the two walked away.

"I didn't know your birthday was next week!" Paxton said and Devi smiled at him with puffy eyes.

"Anyway I won't be here, it doesn't matter," Devi said, and he got up from the grass and sat down next to her.

“It matter. when is it?" He asked and Devi smiled at him.

"Next Sunday," she told him. Paxton nodded.

"Well, I brought you something to help you pass the time while you'll be there," Paxton said, picking up the paper bag he brought.

"Pax" Devi said to him and reached the bad, but he grabs it for another minute.

"Don't cry, please, this is not a farewell gift or anything, you have to give it back to me," he told her and Devi smiled now and nodded.

Devi picked up a book and a golden device with a clips on it and big 'play' button.

"I didn't know they still make those" she laughed and played with the clips.

"Yes it was my dad's, he says it was THE thing before Spotify" Paxton told her. "I put a lot of good music in this so you don't have to hear the one you don't like, Caker?" He added.

"Neha Kakkar, oh gosh, she is all over India" she said and rolled her eyes. "Thank you" she said, putting down the strange device.

Devi looked at the book and saw the hard, orange cover, on which was written 'The Alchemist' and 'Paolo Coelho'.

"It's the only book I've ever finished, and it was amazing," he told her, and she smiled at him.

"Thanks Paxton" Devi said, putting the book down. She couldn't help but feel sad, because damn, these ARE goodbye gifts, even if he says it's not. She can feel the parting in the air and she can't think of anything else now.

Paxton put a hand around her shoulders and brought her closer to him, both looking forward.

Okay, maybe with his hand around her shoulder she can think of something else.

"Dev" Paxton said quietly and his voice was soaked in pain. Devi looked at him now, and his eyes were large, and the sadness in them was too real for Devi.

Devi shook her head, she didn't want to hear it.

"No, I have to say it," Paxton insisted. “Devi, you all I can think of lately. You're the first person I want to talk to and I just want to know if it ever gonna happen” he told her, and Devi stayed quiet, but moved away.

Paxton sighed.

“I'm sorry, I'm ruining it, but I can't concentrate on anything else, Devi. I can't get you out of my head, and Rebecca told me not to say it, and I thought I can do this, but Devi I can't be so close to you all the time, if it won't happen. I want more” Paxton continued in that quiet, almost broken voice. "I need more, Devi," he added after taking a deep breath.

"I can't do this Paxton," she told him quietly. She doesn't fit into his world, she'll be a weight on his shoulders. He should be with someone who does not evade memories, someone who does not make people cry because she played 'Girlfriend' for a week.

Paxton shook his head and ran a hand through his hair.

"Got ya" he told her, standing up.

"Pax" Devi said quietly and he managed to put a smile on his face.

"All good, Enjoy India” Paxton said with emotionless voice, looking at her for a moment and walking away.

"Devi, sleep!" Nalini shouted out the door and Devi looked at Paxton for a few more moments.

She knew she will ruin it, it wasn't new to her. And there was nothing she wanted to say to him more than "yes." It will happen, she wanted Paxton beside her forever, but she has no room alongside Paxton. Paxton Hall Yoshida is supposed to live a good and happy life.

And she's a virus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooo i'm really exciting for the next chapter, it's one of my favorites, and maybe the best one I wrote so far. 
> 
> really hoped you liked this one, thank you guys so much for reading and commenting. ♥♥♥


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited to write this, as a part-Indian, who's not into Hinduism at all, i learned so much about India while resarching for this.   
> hope you will like this!

Devi slept for what felt like two minutes, and with Nalini's insistence on praying before the flight, she slept even less. Kamala helped them with the luggage and when she dropped Nalini and Devi at the airport, she ensured that the house stayed as clean as when Nalini there.

They waited a long time for check-in and after passing the security check they sat at the gate of their flight, eating sandwiches that Nalini made ahead of time, so Devi wouldn't even think she could buy something at the airport, with these prices.

Devi held her backpack and opened it, pulling out the player Paxton brought her and for a moment wondering if it was working on Internet, but the thing didn't even have a monitor or screen to explain something to her, so she just turned on and the music started playing through the headphones.

Devi leaned back and tried to clear her head. Her mind never stopped digging into the details of the last few days, and even more distant moments, such as the day she first yelled at her father because he was on Nalini's side again, or the day he taught her that it was okay to say what on her mind.

When the time to board the flight came, they did so and Devi sat down next to the window. She disconnected the player Paxton had brought her, and put it in her bag. She's not ready to think about him now, on the way to seeing the house she will be living in for the rest of her life.

Devi is used to focusing on the good, and forgetting all that is wrong. When everything goes bad, she finds a bright spot, not caring how dim the light is, and Devi concentrates only on that spot. This is what she has always done, but now that everything looks good on the outside, her friendship with her besties is at the best point of their lives, she and her mom share good moments, now she can't think of a good point in her life. Everything is colored at Paxton's sad eyes, and she keep remember the chaos she causes everywhere. She always thinks she's doing the right thing until it explodes in her face.

Devi closes her eyes and as soon as they take off, she falls asleep.

In her dream, she is facing Paxton. He just got out of the pool, and the water drops glitter on his chest, which is beautiful, but Paxton looks sad. Paxton sits down next to her on the lawn and tells her he was happy before he met her, his life was simple, and now he's constantly sad because of her. Devi tries to say sorry, but Paxton looks like Ben now, he doesn't look like the healthy Ben she is used to, he's dirty and his eyes are red and tired, but keep running from point to point. Ben doesn't have to say anything for Devi start apologize to him, but he still tells her how she broke his heart, how he broke up with Shira just to be with her and Devi in return only played in 'relationship' for a week. Devi starts crying and she tries to put a hand on Ben's shoulder, but Ben changes in front of her face and looks like her father now, and he keeps talking to her. She is 8 now and she smells the chlorine from the pool. Mohan leans back and they look at the water, he tells her about Mumbai, the trees and birds there, the wide roads, but his voice gets angry with every passing moment and he screams at her that if she wasn't fighting with Nalini that day, he wouldn't have had a heart attack, That he died only because of her and it's all her fault.

Devi wakes up in panic and looks around.

Okay, that was a dream. Nightmare.

that wasn't good.

Devi looks at the clock and notices that it been only two hours. She has another fucking 15 hours flight! She checks Nalini by her side, and her mother reads a book and seemed so interested in the plot that Devi thought it would be a good way to pass the time, so she pulled out one of the books she took with her, too.

She didn't dare take out 'The Alchemist'.

Devi opens the Sherlock Holmes Story Collection, a big, green book, and starts reading. Devi doesn't read too many books these days, but when she was little, Nalini brought her books every Saturday and Devi would read them, eating only because she was reminded, only sleeping when she fell asleep on the open book. She was a bookworm and Nalini was pleased. But over time life happened and her friends filled her Saturdays, TV shows ruined her imagination and playing the harp replaced her passion for books.

So as she reads her book, she imagines the character of Sherlock as Benedict Cumberbatch and Doctor John as Martin Freeman, and 'A study in scarlet' runs in front of her eyes. When she sits in the uncomfortable chair of the plane, with no room to place her hand or proper lighting, she finds nothing to distract her. She is pumped into a book and longs to read it, she turns page after page and her eyes run on the white pages.

After long hours of reading, two walks to the bathroom and one terrible plane meal, they finally landed.

After Devi and Nalini pick up their suitcases, they leave for the incoming flight hall and notice a man wearing a suit with a white sign that says 'Vishwakumar'.

"Super rich, your brother, eh?" Devi tells Nalini and she laughs in response.

"You wait and see" Nalini told her and the two went to the driver who accompanied them to the vehicle.

Devi looks out the window as she travels, her eyes running with the passing green trees.

She always thought that India would be crowded with people, loaded with rickshaws, cows everywhere and lots of poverty. But Mumbai wasn't like that. Mumbai was modern, it had large malls and from a distance you could see the richest house in India, a square building that rose to heights, but at the same time, the 'Gateway of India' was in the same city and the building was ancient. Devi felt her heart throb with excitement, she could smell the city through the open window and her father came up in front of her eyes.

Devi believed that if she moved away from her home, or from Malibu, she would feel farther away from Mohan, but he was in every corner. Her father glanced at her as the postman she saw, or as a sweet breeze that smelled just like the only food he had ever prepared for her, Badam Burpi. Devi's mind almost exploded with memories that flooded her, she saw him buy her ice cream after she was accepted to the school orchestra, she felt his warm embrace, she saw him cleanse a wound she got while playing in the garden, and heard him tell her it was okay to be angry as long you have the ability to forgive.

"Holly Shi-" Devi started when she saw the house next to them and their car stopped at the end of Mumbai and paused when she saw Nalini's gaze. "Wow" she corrected herself and Nalini smiled now.

The house was huge.

Fresh-Prince-of-Bel-Air kind of huge.

The house was a beautiful, white mansion, also built in the same ancient building, with arches and Indian decorations around the pillars. The yard was also huge, with green grass and palm trees everywhere.

"It's nothing, wait till you see the back yard" Nalini read Devi's thoughts and moved on now, the driver behind them with their suitcases.

At the entrance stood Anvit, Nalini's brother, and Kiara, his wife. The couple was in their 50s, and white hair filled Anvit's head, but his wife remained black-haired. She was beautiful, and though Devi could clearly see her age, she seemed to be someone whose the youthful joy did not run from.

Next to them stood a 14-year-old boy, Devi knew he was the smallest of his six brothers and sisters. His name was Balvar or Balveer, she wasn't sure, but she knew he was playing too. Nalini didn't stopped telling her that she hoped to hear the two play some music together.

After Nalini hugged her brother warmly for a long minute, and kisses were given to everyone, Devi and Nalini entered the house.

The house was breathtaking.

The walls were painted in light orange, and the floor was dark wood parquet. As they passed the entrance there was a marble round table on which was a statue of Saraswati, playing the flute. The statue was made of metal that looked ancient, and Devi wondered how much it had cost. When she lifted her head, she saw that the statue was lightened by a huge chandelier, going down through the floors of the house, and around the chandelier, on the ceiling, was a beautiful painting of Durga and her lion.

Nalini was walking with her brother while one of the maids in this big house took her suitcase, and Devi stayed with Balveer.

"This house is crazy," Devi said as she followed her cousin.

"I'll give you a tour, you won't believe how big this house is" Balveer told her and he hardly seems excited about the size of the place.

Balveer led her to her room on the second floor which included a comfy bed, a comfortable sofa, a huge book shelf and a large window overlooking the beach.

Devi couldn't wait to see the rest of this house. She left her luggage and bag behind, and although she was supposed to be tired, she was eager to see everything this home had to offer.

Balveer showed her the cinema they have in the basement, the pool table, the indoor and outdoor pools, and the third floor pool, an infinity pool with a mesmerizing view. He showed her the large, white music room, with white piano, white guitars, white violin and the most beautiful harp she had ever seen, with gold ribbons wrapped around his edge and gold decorations at his base. Balveer also showed her their garden, where plants and trees were everywhere and their scents flooded Devi.

When Balveer showed her the small upstairs temple, she didn't want to enter.

Devi is not ready to face her problems, be sure she is not ready to face her gods.

-

The days passed much faster than Devi had expected.

At first Nalini took Devi to all the places that Mumbai had to offer. They visited the Gateway of India, and Devi was impressed by how little she felt at the Great Stone Gate, they took a ferry to Elephanta's caves, and Devi saw huge statues that were completely naked and bigger than anything Devi had seen in her life. Nalini then showed her the old house of her parents, who passed away seven years ago. Close to that house was the beach, so the girls sat in the sun for a long time listening to the waves and the noise of the people.

Mumbai was noisy. There is no quiet moment in this crowded place, with the car horns and the not stopping ringing of the phones, the constant voices of the fashion street traders will probably burn in Devi's mind forever. And when Nalini has finished showing Devi every piece of land in her beloved Mumbai, Devi prefers to stay indoors.

At first, Devi enjoyed sitting by the poolside reading a book, but after reading almost all the books she brought with her, she moved to see movies at the home theater, but she couldn't concentrate on any of them and always found herself scrolling Instagram instead of following the plot. Then she tried to play the harp, but she couldn't bring herself to touch the strings, instead she listened to her music through their stereo. Devi sat like that for a day, listening to her music, and doing nothing. She told her mother that she was studying, but she couldn't concentrate, and her mind moved her from her orbit whenever she tried to do something.

One day Devi decided that she will not act like a plant anymore. She told her mom she would try, and she will, she will try to love India. So she goes into the shower and rinses herself in hot water.

After she dresses, she takes her bag and leaves her room.

"I'm going for a walk," she told Nalini. Her mother accepted it as a good sign and after asking if Devi had enough battery on her phone, she agreed to her to leave alone.

Devi put the headphones on and started walking.

She walked for a long time, with music she was tired of and shoes that started to hurt, until she found herself in a temple.

Devi took off her shoes and hung up her headphones as she came in and looked around. At the end of the place there's a large statue of Shiva, the destroyer and the creator. Devi walked around the room looking at the paintings, the statues and the people. The room was large and warm, and Devi felt like a tourist. She heard mixed Hindi and English and tried not to regret not knowing more than a few Hindi words.

Devi stopped at a small statue of Kali, with her tongue outside and a sari made of human bones. Devi smiled fondly at the statue. She was not a classic goddess, Kali was angry and strong, she was a warrior, little Indian girls would look at her like American girls would look at Mulan, she was a strong female representation in a world that was controlled mostly by mans, and she didn't take shit from anyone.

"One of the most misunderstood goddesses in my opinion" Devi heard an older man say to her in broken English.

The man looked like a Pandit Raj, but with white beard and hair. Devi fondly remembered the religious man of Sherman Oaks, California, and nodded to the person in front of her.

"She was an angry warrior, how can she be so misunderstood?" Devi told him, wondering for a moment if it was rude. 

The man smiled at her anyway.

"She was more than an angry warrior, she was Kali Ma" said the pundit.

She nodded at him. Devi had heard the name Kali-Ma many times, but it always seemed to her like another bad-ass name for the warrior.

"So you probably know she's Mother Nature, she's the creation and the preservation of nature" he told her and Devi didn't know that.

"How does a strong warrior like Kali, slayer of Raktabija, be the creation and preservation of nature"?" Devi looked at him.

"Some may say that Shiva, her husband, would restrain her and manage to keep her calm," the elder told her. "And some will say that she has always been loving and caring, and that circumstances have made her a warrior" He continued and Devi remained silent and continued to look at him. "In both cases, the title 'Mother Nature' does not take away from the title 'warrior,' it empowers it" the man concluded.

Devi looked at the statue now. Kali stood with her legs spread and her hands up, her body was completely black, and her hair black too, but the gold embellishments on the sword, hair and head emphasized the beauty of the female.

"Don't be afraid to give the warrior a rest, she'll have more power if she can take off her defenses," the man told her, and now he walked away.

Devi doesn't know how the Pandit knew what she was thinking, maybe it's a Pandit's thing. She didn't want to stay there, where it turns out everyone can hear her thoughts. Devi looked at the sculpture of Kali the slayer one last time and left, taking her shoes at the exit.

Devi didn't know exactly what she was going to do now, so she sat down on a bench, looking at the busy street and crossed her legs.

Give the warrior a rest, come on. Devi knew how to get angry and upset, she was used to feeling angry, that was her place of refuge. Devi Vishwakumar without getting angry is not Devi Vishwakumar. Her father told her she was a firecracker, that she had to stand up for herself, and Mohan was always right.

She may have taken it one step too far, with standing up to herself.

No, no, Mohan is always right and that's it.

Devi opened her bag and she was shaking, apparently, because things had fallen out of the bag like it was a Piñata. She got off the bench and began to collect her things, the ticket to India, the headphones, the lipbalm, an old receipt, her wallet and the device she received from Paxton.

She tried not to think of Paxton during this vacation. She saw his sad eyes at least once every few hours, but she didn't let her head go there. Devi changed her direction every time she remembered the swimmer and now she had nowhere to change her mind to. She sat back on the bench and held the square device tight.

She's right here, Devi is right. She's not supposed to break people's hearts, and she can't do it for another human being. Devi is not gonna let Paxton to get hurt by the destruction she causes, and Devi will not argue about it.

Although it hurts.

It hurt Devi like hell, she wanted to text him every day that she was here and talk to him, hear his opinion of Mumbai and see him on FaceTime, damn, a few days ago she almost called him just to hear his voice and hang up.

So if the only way to feel close to him and not hurt him is through this 2000s device, okay.

Devi plugged in the headphones and turned on the MP3 that started to flash in blue light.

Oh, the 2000s. SO many lights.

The music started to play and it was a fast, angry rap song. The rapper talked about fear and Devi felt him. She stood up and put her bag on her shoulders, then began to walk.

Devi walked. The words in her ears spoke of fear of losing loyalty for pride and she turned her course. She can't think of him. 

The music continued and the songs changed, but Devi found each song as a painful reminder of Paxton, of Ben, of her father. At one point she couldn't change direction anymore, and she found herself walking in circles, so she stopped. She was by the sea now and the wind was playing with her hair, and the sun was almost completely set.

Devi walked for a long time.

As she sits down at sea she looks at the people, and they look so carefree and happy. Devi knew that wasn't the truth, and that they too had problems and troubles. She looked at a bunch of mothers sitting together, their little children playing next to them or running around them.

Devi continued to listen to music even though it hurt. She now listened to the song that was playing during one of their study breaks, when they sat in the sun and were happy for a moment. Devi misses the peaceful feeling she has with Paxton, but now, almost a week since she last saw him, she realizes that if she intends to let him go, she must fined happiness on her own. Not even happiness, it's too much to ask for happiness, maybe peace. Devi need to fins peace on her own because she know she'll stay close to him, she love that feeling too much to let it disappear. Devi wants to feel the carefree silence she felt when Paxton was beside her.

One of the children came running out of the sea and screamed to the mother that someone touched his pee-pee. Devi's eyes looked into the distance and she saw a way-too-old man near the kids.

The mother of that boy, someone who looks like a high school graduate, a pleasant girl with a soft face, instantly become an animal, ready to kill.

Devi looked around and it seemed that no one was moving except the same mother who was madly running for the older man who, in response, fled in fear.

As soon as the man disappeared from the view the mother's face changed again and now her face is soft, she hugged her son tightly, a man who's probably her husband came closer and kissed her softly.

Devi was impressed.

From the most pleasant woman on the beach, this mother became a soldier in the Red Army, and if the man didn't run away, Devi is certain that she would have witness a murder now. Kali-ma came up in front of Devi's eyes and for a moment realized what the Pandit meant when he said that one title empowering the other.

But then she remembered that the Pandit had told her she could give the warrior a rest, which made no sense.

If Devi hadn't fought, she would have already broken Paxton's heart. If Devi had not fought, her father would not have been proud of her, if she had not fought she wouldn't have any friends.

Right?

Devi takes off the headphones and tucks the square device deep into her bag.

She needs quiet now.

-

"Nalini, dear" Gunbir said, hugging Nalini tightly.

Nalini's childhood friends came to visit them, and Nalini and Devi were dressed in saris and ready to receive them. Nalini hugged Gunbir, a short bearded man with glasses and a big belly, next to him, Sahana, his scrawny wife and another couple, Vitty and Ishvar, whom Devi had previously met while on vacation in the United States.

The trio sat in the spacious living room and drank Chai. Devi didn't want to be there, not interested in meeting these people who had never been part of her life, but Nalini asked nicely, and Devi was trying.

"Devi, sweetie, how's school?" Asked Vitty who sat down next to her.

"Very well, Vitty, Devi is on the top of her class with a straight A," Nalini answered instead of her daughter, smiling at her friend.

The adults kept talking, and Devi couldn't go, but she didn't have to listen. So she kept quiet, like the good daughter she expected to be, and spoke only when spoke to, smiling when needed. The smile was hard to maintain, because in Devi's mind there was in a war.

For two days now she's been thinking about what happened in the beach, where the mother protected her son from a random pervert. Devi didn't get stuck on anything that day like the change in the mother's face, from a woman who looked almost as a teenager, with a smooth face and a sweet smile on her face, to a monster who would do anything to protect her own. And though she seemed more natural with the anger in her eyes, she seemed to be in the right place even when she smiled at her friends and kissed her husband tenderly. Devi didn't understand how she could be compassionate and caring, and a bad ass female warrior, at the same time.

Nalini got up and went to the kitchen to get more cookies, and Devi was left alone in a room full of adults she didn't know or want to talk to.

"It looks great, but you can tell it misses him," said Ishvar in Hindi and Devi curved her eyebrows.

Her Hindu may not be good, but she knows it is not the right word to refer to a woman.

Devi looked at Vitty next to her and touched her leg.

"I'm sorry, I may not understood correctly, but why does he refer to my mom as 'it'?" Devi asked the woman quietly so that no one would hear her ignorance.

"Oh dear," Vitty said, running a warm hand on Devi's back. "In India, after the husband dies, this is the way to refer a widowed women" she went on and Devi wondered if she had heard correctly.

She could feel the anger filling her. Her mother is a woman, a woman! Not 'this', not fucking 'it'. She was a breathing, living person, not a piece of furniture.

"It have a very smart daughter" Devi heard Ishvar goes on when Nalini came back.

Nalini paused for a moment when she heard his words, but kept going and sat down, putting a cookie tray on the table.

To the naked eye, Nalini didn't seem to let the words bother her.

But Devi knew better. She saw her mother's jaw clench and her eyes burn with fire, and if Nalini wasn't so aware of India's society rules, she would say something.

But she didn't.

So Devi was silent for the rest of the visit, while Nalini was acting like a wonderful childhood friend, reminiscing, laughing and asking about the future of her friends' children. She was incredibly polite, and Devi wasn't sure how she did it. How could she keep her anger at that level and not erupt like she always does when Devi does something wrong.

"Dad wouldn't let that happen," Devi said when the guests walked away and Nalini looked at her questioningly, not understanding her daughter.

"This man referred to you as 'it'!" Devi said, her voice climbing up, full of anger.

"If Dad was here, he wouldn't have done that," Nalini said simply and went up the stairs to her room.

Devi shook her head and followed her.

"you are a woman! woman that breath and think, why would he treat you like this?" Devi went on and almost shouted now.

"Devi keep your voice down" said Nalini, entering the room.

"Why aren't you upset about that?!" Devi asked her angrily and came in after her, slamming the door behind her.

“Because this is living in India, these are the rules and this is society in India. And a woman after her husband's death is no longer a 'she' ” Nalini said to her with the same level of anger.

Nalini knows the rules. Nalini grew up here, and she also referred to widows as "it" during her life here, she was one of them.

But living in America made her see things differently, and now she was as angry as her daughter. She was angry with Ishvar who didn't get out of India to know better and she was angry with Vitty and Sahana, both of them had known her since she could walk and were still silent, but she didn't blame any of them. She couldn't blame anyone, this is India and that's what it is.

Nalini sighed loudly and sat down on the bed, motioning for Devi to sit next to her.

"I'm angry, but sometimes there's nothing to do with anger," Nalini said to her daughter in a more calm voice. "Sometimes you will get better results if you keep the anger inside, because anger can't solve everything" she told her after a second, wrapping her hand around Devi's shoulders.

"And when you say 'you will get better results' you mean you will have friends when we move here?" Devi asked quietly and could feel the pain digging into her when she said those words.

Nalini remained silent for a few moments.

"What are you saying about the India in the meantime?" Nalini asked and Devi opened her mouth to say what she thought, but Nalini stopped her. "Except what we were talking about now" she added.

Now it was Devi's turn to stay silent.

"I can't connect with people here, they're all part of the Indian society you don't want me to talk about," Devi told her and Nalini rolled her eyes.

"Go try better" Nalini told her and pushed her daughter away.

-

And Devi tried.

Devi sat throughout Saturday, one full day, from morning to evening, with Balveer in the music room. They talked about music and musical instruments, compared experiences and gossiped about celebrities, in the evening they even played the Sonata by Carlos Salzedo together for their parents and received applause and hugs.

But Balveer was a fan of Metallica, a band that Devi had never heard of and Balveer was sure they were the biggest thing at the moment in music in America, so he also didn't know important celebrities to gossip about and he could only play piano, so their joint playing options were very limited.

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday Dear Devi, Happy Birthday to you!“ Devi woke up on Sunday and around her were Nalini, Anvit, Kiara and Balveer, singing loudly and with big smiles.

Devi straightened in her bed and Nalini sat down next to her, holding a chocolate cake that looked so good.

"Happy birthday, Kan'yā," said Nalini, kissing her daughter's forehead.

Devi smiled at her.

"Thank you" She told them and after waking up completely, getting dressed and leaving her room, they waited for her in the garden and she cut the cake.

Devi is 16 now, which is an important age. She is basically adult now. She should know what she wants to do with her life, or at least decide what she want to do right now, and to sit in the garden where some people who have to congratulate her is not what she planned.

"Devi, dear girl, I wish you all the happiness in the world. I wish you would continue to do an amazing job at school and succeed at the university, but above all, I wish you would find someone that would be your other half” Anvit told her, and Devi wanted to say something, but remained silent.

"Thanks a lot, Uncle" she said instead of the line of curses that was on her head and Anvit seemed pleased.

"Have a happy birthday and I wish you continued to be so cool" said Balveer to her and Devi smiled at him now. It was short and wonderful, that's how she wants all the wished to be.

"Happy birthday, Devi, I wish you forever feel happy and will not regret the past, because your future will be bright," Kiara said and Devi smiled at her as well.

"Thanks, Auntie" she told her.

Nalini leaned over to her now and put a hand on her daughter's hand.

"Devi, my dear, I wish you all the joy in the world, you are the pride of your father and me" Nalini said, and it seemed the tears almost took over her. "I wish you would stay so loving and caring, and all that I dreamed of" added Nalini and now she leaned in to hug Devi.

Loving and caring? all that I dreamed of?

That's not how Devi remembers things.

But she doesn't say anything now, she's just hugging her mother tightly with both hands.

After the 'party', Devi went up to her room and picked up her phone from the side table.

Eleanor and Fabiola sent her a video where they congratulated her, and she missed seeing them. Devi's tears are already at the point of departure, and when she answers them and writes that she loves them and thanks them for everything, a few tears run away.

 _'Happy birthday Devi, hope you have good time in India'_ Paxton sent her and it felt like the message being sent out by duty.

The tears continue to fall from her eyes and the pit inside her was filled with pain.

"Hoo Devi don't cry on your birthday!" Nalini said as she walked into the room quietly.

Devi cleared her eyes and tried to smile at her mother.

"It's happy tears," Devi lied.

Nalini sat down next to her, she didn't believe Devi, but she didn't say anything.

"Your friends sent you birthday wishes?" Nalini asked and Devi nodded. She can't show her the video because the girls say some really unappropriated things there, so Devi hopes Nalini doesn't ask.

"Mom, you said you hope I will continue to be loving and caring" Devi told her quietly after the two had been quiet for a few moments.

"True" Nalini nodded and did not understand her daughter's intent.

"I don't remember ever being loving and caring," Devi continued quietly.

Nalini clenched her eyebrows.

"You have to be kidding me" said Nalini.

When Devi didn't move, Nalini was in shock. Could her daughter be so oblivious to herself?

"Devi, have you seen how many friends you have?" Nalini asked and Devi nodded.

"I have Fabiola and Eleanor," she replied.

"No, Kan'yā, you have Fabiola and Eleanor, and Liana's son, who's been hanging out with Eleanor all day ... remind me his name?" Nalini asked.

"Oliver" answered Devi and Nalini nodded.

"Yes, Oliver, and the girl with the short hair, and Ben Gross and Paxton and the guy with the long hair, and the Tahn's kid, too many boys in my opinion, but they all are your friends” Nalini continued.

"They're not my friends" Devi began to say and Nalini silenced her.

"Even if they are not your friends, they are all around you all day, and it is only because you are such a good person to be with, Kan'yā ," Nalini continued. "You help the Hall Yoshida's Boy in school, you cheer your friends when they are down, you do things for the people you love, and even if sometimes you get blind from all the good you want to do"

"Mom" Devi told her and leaned on me.

She never thought of things that way. Nalini doesn't know that when she says she's going to cheer Fabiola after a test, it's an excuse for a party, but it feels good to hear such good words.

"And to be clear, you have all I ever dreamed of," Nalini told her after a few seconds. "I don't care what you heared that day, everyone break down" she went on and meant to that horrible day. Devi didn't want to remember her mother's words. "You are my dream, you are smart and funny and makes everyone next to you feel happy, otherwise they would not be around you so much," Nalini said.

Devi felt the tears running down her cheeks.

"I'm not a disappointment that you don't feel connected to?" Asked Devi and Nalini wrapped her in two strong hands now.

“You can never be disappoint me. You taught me so much and I'm proud of you" Nalini told her and didn't release the hug for a while. "I'm so proud of you" she said after a few moments.

Devi leaned into the hug and her tears stained Nalini's sweater, but she didn't care, Nalini hugged her so hard, and Devi was so safe between her hands.

"I love you mom" Devi said as the tears stopped flowing from her eyes.

"And I love you, my devi," Nalini said, now they broke away from hug.

Devi wiped away the tears from her face and took a deep breath.

"I'm going to the temple, do you want to come?" Nalini asked with hope.

"No, I'll come later" Devi told her and she was sure it wouldn't happen.

As Nalini walks out of her room Devi lays down on the bed and looks at the ceiling.

_'You make everyone around you feel happy'_

This isn't the first time she's heard those words. Paxton told her that day at a party, and she couldn't believe him at the time. The words were too good to believe them, but when Nalini tells her, Nalini is not afraid to be honest when needed, not afraid to put Devi in her place, it feels right.

That sounds right. It sounds like the truth.

Devi turns in her bed and although the bed was comfortable, she couldn't find herself. So she sat down and took a deep breath.

She wants to insist and say she's right about it. She genuinely believed she was causing evil and pain in the world, but she finds herself thinking of Kali Ma, who also sowed pain and destruction and war in many places, but she was also Mother Nature, she was loved and compassionate. Devi finds herself thinking of the beach mom, who was incredibly sweet in one moment, and in the second she was already an uninhibited warrior.

Devi finds herself thinking of her mother herself, who is the strongest woman Devi has met in her life, with the ability to scare high school boys and terrorize every pajamas party, but manages to keep her anger inside when needed, which that alone blown Devi's mind, she also manages to be her mother, who loves, cares, hugs and cries with her.

All her life Devi thought it was either you fight like an animal, or you love and care. And Devi has been fighting her whole life, every moment since she remembers herself, arguing and getting angry, making people stay away from her because she knew she was a ticking bomb. She knew it was only a matter of time before she would explode in someone's face and make them use hard drugs.

Mohan told her to stand on her own.

But Devi may have been standing in the wrong place, Devi might have abuse the words. For the past year, she wanted to prove that Mohan was proud of her even now, she wanted to live up to Mohan's expectations, to preserve Mohan's words, but she completely forgot that her father just taught her to be strong. He only wanted to show her that she could do anything, he didn't want her to stay away from people, he didn't want her to be lonely and scared. That's what Devi did, and that's what Devi fought for. Devi believed she was bad for such a long time that she forgot that was not what she had to insist on.

Devi left the room, she couldn't be there anymore. She walked home, climbing the stairs, and her feet, or one of the gods, led her to the temple.

Nalini was no longer there and Devi was happy.

She took off her shoes and entered the Fuja Mandir in awe.

A statue of Ganash, the elephant-headed god, was at the end of the room and at the foot of it was a circular embroidered rug, in the room were all sorts of medals and trophies the family had put there as a gift.

Devi sat down on the carpet and she didn't know why she was praying, she wasn't sure what to say anymore, Devi wasn't sure of anything anymore. She closed her eyes and tried to arrange her prayer.

what she want?

Devi wants to feel whole again.

What stops her?

Devi avoids the _'I stop myself'_ thought that appeared in her mind but couldn't think of a more logical reason. Devi work her brain, every cell exists, but was unsuccessful. She could blame everyone on it, she could blame Nalini, Ben, Paxton, Fabiola and Eleanor, she could blame the entire society and the world, but she didn't want to do that anymore. She can't blame everyone else when she knows she's the only one who stops herself from feeling complete. Devi is so busy feeling bad that she forgot that she can feel good, she is so busy feeling bad that she has hurt the people around her.

But just as Devi cannot blame anyone else for her mistakes, she cannot be blamed for the mistakes of others.

And Ben's mistake now seems more like a lone teenager's decision and less like a mistake Devi blames.

Devi doesn't know the safe feeling she's feeling now. She knows she made mistakes and she knows she has to ask forgiveness from some people, but something tells her it's okay. Devi can feel the hole inside her slowly closing, and it still hurts, but something is dulling the pain now. Something tells her it's okay if it hurts, but she shouldn't stay in that pain forever. She can find her happiness, and it will never end badly.

Devi made mistakes and is aware of it now, but more importantly, she knows they were just mistakes. She's not an epidemic, she's not the epitome of evil, Devi is just a girl, she's only a girl.

And if Nalini can admit a mistake she did, Devi can too.

Devi open her eyes and look at Ganesh. 

Thanks, man.

-

She spent the week remaining on her trip with Nalini.

Nalini read books, and Devi read 'The Alchemist' she received from Paxton. She wasn't afraid to think about Paxton anymore, she wanted to make things better, she wanted him to forgive her, because she has a lot of apologizing to him.

The girls sat in the large living room of the house, facing the burning fireplace, and sank into their books.

Devi dug deeper into her armchair as the words hit her.

 _'When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too'_ The book said.

Devi never knew better words. She read the words over and over, not ready to move forward. She had been feeling it for the last few days, she had seen it happen, she just couldn't explain it. Nalini was so calm next to her, Anvit, Kiara and Balveer looked suddenly more beautiful, the trees bloomed with white flowers and the grass was greener.

Devi was still in pain, and she was still afraid of what she could do, she still couldn't think too much about Mohan, but everything seemed solvable since her birthday.

_“It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”_

This time Devi stopped. She felt personally attacked. The words echoed in her mind for many days afterwards. She was angry with Ben when he was sure that everything would go his way, but she was so sure of her own way. She was sure she is bad, and didn't listen to anyone else about it. She didn't listen to Paxton when he told her she couldn't hurt him and kept insisting.

But she's still sure she doesn't deserve Paxton Hall Yoshida. She is the geek who plays in the school orchestra and he is the star of that high school, and she still wants Paxton to live the best life he can. She still wanted life to be easy on him, and she might not be evil, but she certainly wasn't in the same spot as Paxton.

_'Because true love never keeps a man from pursuing his destiny'_

Devi is tired of the fact that the book can read her mind. The book will not be the one that will solve all her problems, but now it make sense, the way Paxton is so sure all the time, this book is psychologist on paper.

Devi keeps reading and every word hits her in a different way. Sometimes she identifies with the shepherd, and sometimes Fatima is the one who talks to Devi and sometimes the alchemist does it. She swallows the whole book, unable to concentrate on anything else. The book was used and she could see the dog ears that Paxton had left where he stopped to read, thinking she should buy him a bookmark.

Well, there are some things she needs to do before the bookmark arrives.

Devi needs to apologize to Paxton, she now realizes her mistakes. She realizes it's wrong to play people, to flirt with someone when she has a boyfriend, she realizes that expecting Paxton to be close to her all the time and still not give him the one thing he asked for, is not right. Devi should also apologize to Ben, which, and there is no better way to say it, she played. She voluntarily entered a relationship when she wasn't ready for, when she was in love with another person, and planted false hopes.

'I'm coming, Fatima'

Devi reads the last words and closes the book slowly.

Now it feels right. She hopes Paxton will forgive her and that she can say the same words to him. Now it feels like it would be better, with one side of the story not hiding from himself.

_I'm coming, Paxton._

She spent the rest of the week with Nalini. When Nalini went shopping, looking for souvenirs and clothes to remind her India while she is home, Devi joined her.

Mumbai was filled with tourists, but Nalini is not a sucker and she knows what the prices are supposed to be. She bargains with the sellers who, once they hear her fluent Hindi, change their prices.

Nalini bought spices, saying that the spices in California had never smelled so good. She bought a yellow sari for herself, a pink sari for Kamala and a navy blue sari for Devi, who had to pick them from a huge selection of colors and shapes. Nalini bought a statue of Ganash and kept it in her bag, so it would not be damaged in the plastic bag.

At the same booth Devi bought herself a small statue of Kali Ma. The statue was all black, and the figure was faceless, but around her waist was a golden chain of skulls, which fascinated Devi, so she also put the figurine in her bag so the little female figure wouldn't be destroyed.

At one of the booths Devi bought colorful bracelets for Fabiola and Eleanor, and then she thought she couldn't bring only them a gift, so she bought leg bracelets for Eve and Oliver and a necklace to match Kamala's new sari.

When the girls stopped to buy cold lemonade at one of the booths, Devi was grappling with a question she had since the beginning of the day.

"Mom" she opened and Nalini looked at her.

"Yes, Devi?" Nalini asked and almost knew what the question was. Her daughter wasn't stupid.

"The fact you bought 10 pounds of cardamom mean we're not gonna leave home?" Devi asked.

Nalini sighed and smiled, but her smile was sad.

“Yes, Devi. We stay in the America” her mother told her, and Devi smiled now.

She can't believe this is happening, she can't believe she doesn't have to move to this place, she can't believe she's going to stay in the United States forever.

Devi embraced her mother and kissed her cheeks.

“Oh my god, I'm so happy!" Devi said with a voice rising with excitement.

But Nalini didn't seem so happy and Devi couldn't help but notice.

As her heartbeat began to settle, and they began to walk among the dealers again, Devi looked at her mother.

"Can I ask why?" Devi asked her.

"Do you want me to regret?" Nalini looked at her now with a menacing look.

"No, no, sorry I asked something," Devi said, looking ahead now, just in time, because she was about to bump in an old woman.

The two walked quietly for a few more minutes, but then Nalini broke the silence.

"The United States has ruined me, I am no longer fit to live in India" Nalini told her.

Devi nodded quietly.

She knew Nalini meant the rules of society where she was no longer considered a woman. Devi knew Nalini had been given power she didn't know she needed when she came to the United States, and now she can't get rid of that power again.

Nalini stopped at a jewelry booth and examined earrings, but Devi's eyes actually attracted a round brass bracelet that was in the form of Shiba's pitchfork, which was supposed to wrap the wearer's wrist and the edge of the pitchfork is almost touching the other end.

Devi picked up the bracelet, thinking on her own water teen-god and paid the seller.

\-----

The flight back to the United States Devi passed rereading 'the alchemist', and listening to the music that Paxton chose for her.

She listened to happy pop and sad melodies, she listened to angry rap and chill rap, she listened to all the rock albums Paxton loaded on the little device and felt close to Paxton with every song that played. If getting into his garage is like looking into his world, then hearing his playlist is a window into his mind and soul. And it was beautiful.

Devi just hopes he can forgive her. She knows she was wrong, but not for the reasons she initially thought. She didn't ruin his life or gonna ruin his life, she wouldn't. But she played with his feelings, feelings of a person she loves so much, and she hurt him. His sad eyes still float in front of her eyes and Devi just hopes she can see him happy one more time before he won't want to see her at all.

Among the songs she didn't know, were some songs that made part of her move.

These were songs that Mohan sang to her when she was little. He was singing her Bob Marley's songs about three little birds, he played songs about blue skies and beautiful days.

And she hoped that the beautiful days are on there way.

_I didn't know, I didn't know, yeah_   
_Well, didn't know what I was missing_   
_Now I see a lil' different_   
_I was thinking too much_   
_Got stuck in oblivion, yeah_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mac Miller- Self Care  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsKT0s5J8ko  
> \- probably one of the best song in the whole world in my opinion, see the video if you got time! :)


	10. Chapter 9

Paxton received an A in history.

Paxton never received a grade that passed B.

A.

So it's understandable why he is running to Eleanor when he sees her and hugs her tightly, screaming his grade in her ear.

The past two weeks Paxton has developed an affection for the drama lover, they started talking because both of them love the greatest masterpiece of all time, 'Fight Club', and since then he has tried to say hello to her in schools every day and talk to her when he has the opportunity. Eleanor was a very weird girl, she was so dramatic and extra, but she know her way around movies and the talks about the acting in the movies were on a very high standard, so Paxton Hall Yoshida enjoyed her company.

Whenever Paxton spoke to her, he also made sure to ask about Devi.

He didn't want to send a message and check what was going on.

No, he wanted to. He couldn't.

Paxton was still thinking of Devi every moment his mind was free, so he tried not to leave himself a spare moment. Paxton was angry with Devi, she's just afraid to be with him, he know she want to, he was so frustrated regarding to why. But he can't really be mad at her, Devi introduced him to another world, a world where people can be honest, a world where kindness comes first. He was fascinated by the way Devi first thought of others and only after that, she thought of herself, he was mesmerized by the lioness she was raised to be, Paxton never knew a girl who wasn't afraid to speak, her mind and in general.

So for two weeks he asked Eleanor how Devi felt and for a week he got the same answer. She's fine, she doesn't say much.

But after he writes her birthday wishes, which he completely censors, and sends her a short sentence that doesn't describe at all what he feels, the answer changes. Eleanor tells him that Devi wasn't answering her for a few days, but she is sure that everything is fine.

Paxton begins to wonder what happened, and if everything is good, and if something happened, and he even go to news sites to see if something happened in India, God forbid, and when nothing appears, he blames himself.

He tries to keep his cool, he tries to keep his head in the game and the thought of the goal, and he managed to do that, but Paxton finish every day thinking of Devi. Paxton knows that if he texted her, or talked to her, or thought about her too much, he would fall into the pain and loose himself.

Devi made it pretty clear that they won't happen, so Paxton is trying to respect that decision.

Sometime he think if that was right, to ask that at all. If killing the little hope he had was the right move. And he want to say that it was, it was a wise move that should have prevented Paxton from doing so. But he was so deep in that ocean for it to not hurt, and he regrets every second of that conversation.

And now, with Eleanor next to him after hugging her for a long time with excitement about the grade, she too seems happier than usual.

"Devi has landed!" She said and she raised her phone, showing him the chat with her.

A small butterfly in Paxton's stomach began to fly.

"Cool" he told her, and the excitement of the score became something else, more frightening, but still exciting.

"We're going to her this afternoon, you coming?" Eleanor asked him and Paxton paused for a moment.

“Yeah, I'll talk to you” he said and returned to smile.

"Well done in history," she told him, and Paxton reveals white teeth with a growing smile.

"Thank you, thank you," he tells her, bowing gratefully as he walks away from her on the way to the next class.

Devi landed.

The whole class Paxton thinking about what he'll tell her, or what she'll tell him, and is it's worth going there at all. He doesn't want to get hurt anymore, he doesn't want it to hurt anymore, he's tired of it. He wants to be as carefree as ever, but back than he felt that he was just floating around the world, without anchor. Paxton wants to feel like those times, in their lessons, when the worries have seemed small and the problems were solvable. He wished himself to feel as complete and confident as he feels when Devi is beside him, and he may know who he is when he is alone, but he was sure of himself when she sat next to him.

When Paxton gets out of his car near his house, he decides he won't go.

He tries to forget Devi, because she has made it clear that he will not get what he wants from her. Paxton is trying to get rid of the pain, so he can't see her now. He can't see her, he's sorry, he just can't just. Paxton can't hug her or talk to her without hoping and expecting more, he can't see her as just a friend.

\---------------

After Devi brings the presents to her friends, they sit in the living room. Devi tells them about the crazy house she been in for the past two weeks, shows them pictures and describes Mumbai to them. She looks at Eleanor and Oliver, who seem so calm, and Fabiola and Eve, as synchronized as ever, and she is jealous. There is no other way to say it, she wanted to sit next to Paxton and put a hand on his leg, as Eleanor now does to her partner, and lean into his hands.

When she has a chance to talk to Eleanor, while she goes to show her friend the sari she bought, she seizes the opportunity.

"Eleanor, have you heard anything from Paxton lately?" She asks her and Eleanor stops for a second, but continues up the stairs.

"Yes, he said he would come with us but he didn't respond to the last text I sent him" she replied and the two now entered Devi's room.

Devi took the sari out of her suitcase and Elinor made excited noises.

"This blue will look so beautiful on your skin" Elinor runs a hand over the cozy fabric and the beads at the end.

"Since when you and Paxton are texting?" Devi looked at her friend and tried to sound as casual as she could.

"Ever since you flew and he had to ask about you every day, and you know we're both strong into 'Fight Club', for totally different reasons, but ... you know" Eleanor didn't look away from the blue sari and continued to examine his cut and pin it to her body in front of the mirror.

"He asked about me?" Devi asked and now Eleanor turned to her.

"Yeah... can you please explain why he looked like a wounded puppy every time he did it?" Eleanor asked her and Devi sighed and sat down on the bed.

"Before I flew I ..." Devi started and couldn't say those words out loud.

"Oh my god, Paxton Hall Yoshida kissed you?" Eleanor sat down next to her and examined her friend.

Devi smirked. It could have been easier.

"He said he wanted more than a friendship, and that he couldn't be my friend if we won't..." Devi breathed deeply. "And I told him no" she added in a whisper.

"You told Paxton Hall Yoshida no?!" Eleanor almost screamed it.

“Can we stop calling him by his full name?” Devi said quietly.

"Why did you do that?" Eleanor continued and Devi shook her head.

"I had bad thoughts in my head, and I was stupid, and now he probably doesn't want to see me anymore," Devi said in a voice that was becoming more and more desperate.

"If he didn't want to see you anymore he wouldn't ask about you every day" Eleanor answered.

Devi tries to listen to her surroundings more, so she clenched on to that sentence.

"And" Devi opens and Eleanor is already standing, on the way out of the room.

Devi stood up too but didn't open the door.

"How's Ben?" Devi asks and Eleanor smiles.

"He's great, cocky as before, just a little less sad," Eleanor told her.

"Do you think it's okay if I'll talk to him?" She asked her.

"Yes, but he'll probably beat you to it, he told Eve he has some apologizing to do" Eleanor said, and now the two left the room and joined the group in the living room.

"That make two of us," said Devi, sitting down with her friends.

Devi waited nervously for a sign of life from Paxton. She sent him ' _hi_ ' on Whatsaap when she got home, but he didn't answer or enter the chat in the meantime. She played with the cellphone in her hands, spinning it between two fingers and watching every moment if there's a new message.

"Anyway, we have to move," said Fabiola, lifting her bag to her back, Eve getting up too.

"already?" Devi asked her and also stood up.

"Yes, we're going to Ben's chess competition," Eve said.

Devi nodded and walked with them to the door.

"Think I can come?" Devi asked and the couple stopped and shared a look.

"Yes, sure, he'll be happy to see you," Eve replied in confident that looked fake, but Devi will take it.

"Eleanor, Oliver, we going to the chess contest!" Devi shouted out loud and the couple joined them after a few seconds.

"Cool, let's go" Oliver said and the group left the house.

Devi was a little stressed. She didn't see Ben for a long time, and the last time she did ... well, he was different. She sat in Eve's car, huddled alongside Elinor and Oliver, and looked out the window. She missed her friends, and she includes Ben, despite everything. She knows they don't go together, but the competition will never end, and once they've passed the hate phase, it's been great as long as it has been. She would argue with him the way she likes to argue, with emotion and shouting, but five minutes later, they would talk like siblings.

"I feel like a soccer mom," Eve said as many people came out of her small car and Fabiola rolled her eyes in response.

"Thats a good look on you" said Fab, and now it was Eve's turn to roll her eyes.

The group quietly entered the hall which was completely quiet and settled in the only places available, by the stairs. On stage, Harry Tsafaya from their school, was competing with a kid from another school.

Devi stared at the big screen, where they saw the game board, and only when Ben came up, an hour later, She paid attention. She had never been interested in chess, which is why Ben got this club at the great divide, but she understood the basics. So when Ben comes to the chase after only 22 moves, she is excited and so are her friends.

With big smiles, which diminished with each minute, the five waited for Ben after the competition was over. They had to watch three more games after Ben's match, which were not as short, and now they were already tired and hungry. When Ben arrives at the end, Eve and Fabiola crush him with a strong hug.

Eleanor and Oliver hugged him later, and like tired parents, told him they were proud of him but that it was very late already.

“Devi!” He said and his eyes lit up. Devi smiled at him and hugged him, with great embarrassment.

Ben, embarrassed too, hugged her briefly and quickly broke away from her.

"We'll head out" Eve said, and the four walked away from them.

"How was India?" Ben asked her and Devi looked at his face. He looked tanned, as if he was really out in the sun, not watching TV all day, and he had his hair cut recently.

"Great, how are you?" Devi answered him and they began to follow their friends now.

"Good, good," he told her, and kept looking ahead.

"Hey Ben" Devi said and stopped walking.

Ben paused and took a deep breath.

"I'm Sorry" she told him and he smiled.

"I'm sorry too" Ben said and they didn't have to say more than that.

"Are we good?" Devi asked quietly and Ben nodded again as the two began to walk.

"I mean, you could have expanded more in your dry apology, I did drugs for god's sake, but you know" he told her with a smile and Devi could see that he was himself, so she allowed herself to hit his shoulder with laughter as they walked out of the hall.

"Shut up already" she told him and they both laughed and went down the stairs on the way to Eve's car.

At the bottom of the stairs stood Trent, Marcus, Eddie, and Paxton, watching the couple that exited the hall.

"What the fuck, Devi" Paxton said, looking at her, not believing. His hands dropped and he looked so discouraged.

no no no. Devi knew he misunderstood it, she knew what he was thinking.

No no no NO.

"Pax" she said and he didn't move.

Devi walked away from Ben and went down the stairs quickly until she stopped in front of Paxton. He is prettier than she remembered, with cheekbones that could cut her and small curls. She missed seeing him so much, she wanted to talk to him and hear him for so long. She didn't expect it to be the first thing he would tell her.

"I mean... what the fuck, Devi" Paxton told her quietly and you could hear the anger built up inside him.

"It's not ... can we talk about that aside?" She asked and he did not respond, but closed his eyes for a long moment and then started walking to his car, so Devi took it as a good sign.

He paused and leaned against the back of his car, looking at her head to toe. Paxton missed that little one, with her black hair and naughty eyes, but come on. As soon as she lands she runs back to Ben? Paxton thought she don't want a relationship, but with Ben it's okay?

No, he's going to get real answers from her this time.

“So what, the second you come back you run back to Ben? I mean, seriously, Devi” Paxton shakes his head and tries to put his words together, but he can't when Devi is next to him. “Have you ever felt anything for me at all? Or was it just a game, to be with the popular high school guy? ” He asked and Devi shook her head, looking so confident for some reason.

"Nothing happens between me and Ben, stop thinking that" she began to say and Paxton would not let it go.

"So that's just the first thing you do once you come back, go see your exes' competitions and laugh with him like he didn't treat you like trash that day?!" Paxton was angry now, and he could feel the blood boiling inside him, but he didn't yell. He won't loose his cool. He felt his face turn redder and the fact that Devi continued to look so ... calm, did not contribute to the situation.

"I missed you, Pax," Devi said, and that completely silenced Paxton.

He shifted his weight to the other leg and folded his hands. Paxton's gaze went through Devi's body, from her black hair to her worn sneakers. He missed her so much. He can feel the anger go away when he looks at her, but he tries to get answers here.

He can't lose his head.

"What does it matter" Paxton told her and shrugged.

"It matters, because I missed you all the time" she replied, approaching him now. "I thought about you every day, and about how many mistakes I made with you," Devi said.

Paxton's eyes studied her face well, and he realized he didn't know if he wanted her to keep talking, because he wasn't sure it would end in his favor.

"And I'm sorry," she said, and Paxton's gaze stopped at her eyes. "I'm sorry I played with you for so long, I'm sorry I didn't consider your feelings," Devi continued, seeing Paxton's shoulders straighten. “And nothing happens between me and Ben. I went to ask for forgiveness from him too” She finished and took a deep breath.

Paxton also took a deep breath. He could feel a large stone rolling away from him and disappearing.

"I forgive you," he told her after a few seconds of silence, "but it doesn't matter," Paxton added.

Devi's eyebrows curved.

"What do you mean?" She thought she would just apologize and that everything would work out after that. Devi believed that after her apology Paxton would forgive her and understand everything. What did she do wrong?

"You don't want more, and I, and believe me I tried not to, still want more," Paxton told her and stopped leaning on the car now. "And I can't help but hope when you're next to me," he added.

Devi smiled now and it annoyed and calmed Paxton at the same time.

"You're all I've ever wanted, Paxton," she told him, looking up again. "I've been scared for so long that I'm evil and I'll make you go Hulk one day, and I understand now," Devi said, putting a hand on the crossed hands on his chest. "I understood everything, Pax, and I never felt as complete as I feel when I was next to you," she continued, seeing Paxton's jaw contracting.

Paxton listened to the words at first like out of whirlpool. He was angry and nervous and he was aching for more, he wanted to hold her and hug her and hope she didn't go away, and the words swirled around him. But with every word she said, Devi was clearer, brighter, and by the time she finished speaking, she was glowing as the sun.

He didn't need to be told twice.

Paxton closed the gap between them and kissed her with longing. He wrapped her in two hands and pinned her close to him, one hand grabbing her back and with a second hand in her hair. Paxton could feel Devi's uncontrollable smile and pause for a moment.

Devi didn't give him too much rest. She pressed her lips again and Paxton's tongue entered her mouth, exploring and tasting her for a few moments, then his mouth dropped from her lips and kissed her jaw, then her neck. Devi felt his hands, strong on her back, and was never so aroused. She played with his curly hair and hold him close to her as much as she could.

When Paxton leans his head on her shoulder, the couple hears applause from afar and the spell is broken.

"Finally!" And "it's about damn time" sounds from a group in the distance. When Devi focuses on faces, she sees Trent, Marcus, and Eddie screaming at them and standing next to Fabiola, Eve, Eleanor, who also uttered cheers, Oliver and Ben.

The group applauded and the couple blushed.

"Dicks" Paxton said, but the smile on his face couldn't have been greater. He put a hand around Devi's shoulder and led her to the group.

"Oh wow I couldn't handle all this tension anymore" said Fabiola, who grinned, as the couple approached them.

"And your gloomy face all day, or God, your fucking gloomy face," said Trent, leaning on Eve's car.

Devi and Paxton laughed in response.

"Want to go eat something?" Paxton asked and the whole gang agreed.

Everyone except Ben.

Paxton couldn't miss it. He lowered his hand from Devi and when everyone was talking about where to eat, Paxton went to Ben and motioned him to come to the side.

"We good?" Paxton asked him when they were far enough from the noisy group.

Ben put his hands in his pockets and looked at his friends.

"Yes, we're good," Ben told him, and a smile came over his face.

"I'm sorry if -" Paxton started and Ben didn't let him finish.

"All good" Ben interrupted him. "She's great, but that was the wrong answer for me" he said, and Paxton nodded to him.

Ben didn't want to share, and Paxton didn't want to ask. So they approached the group again and they seemed to decide on McDonald's.

"Oh, man, I'll have to run for so long tomorrow," Paxton told Eddie before everyone got into their cars.

Devi sat down next to Paxton in his car and closed the door.

Paxton started the engine and turned on the radio. He started to drive and put one hand on Devi's knee, just because he could. He had forgotten what weight he had before, and had forgotten that he had ever been angry with anything. Devi by his side and that's all Paxton Hall Yoshida needs right now.

Devi slid her hand under his hand and grabbed him hard.

She could feel the butterflies in her stomach and the fear disappeared from her, all good now. She is next Paxton Hall Yoshida, the boy she was in love with since seventh grade, who she fantasize about in classes and dream about at night, and now he is not just that. He is not just her eternal crush, not the fantasy that will never happen.

He was hers, and she was his.

And it never felt more right.

_Should this be the last thing I see_

_I want you to know it's enough for me_

_'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ed Sheeran - Tenerife Sea  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHTEGQbtP1I
> 
> sooooooo last chapter!  
> hope you liked it, would love to hear your comments, good or bad, i'm here to learn.   
> thank you guys for all the support!! ♥


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